this girl's life

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HNT:Moving on

So here we are. I never thought I'd be here.. but I'm sure that is just silly to look at things that way. Most good things come to an end. This blog has came to its end. That makes me sad... but it must happen for good reasons.

It's time to continue my story... unwritten.

Just sitting here... looking at that cursor blink... I should have more to say... some big finale... and yet I don't. It's been fun... I've enjoyed every minute of sharing a window into my world. It's given me something... something I cant quite describe. It's nice to be able to look back on stuff... to reread it and be completely wrapped up in how I felt in that moment. That is something truly special. My blog has been truly special to me.

I shall miss having my own space to the world.. but I think this will be a good thing still. I'll still be around reading... as long as other still continue to share. Thanks for reading!

I'm Moving On
Rascal Flatts

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change

Love Our Lurkers... October 2009 edition

So its that time again boys and girls. Its Love Our Lurkers day! This is where all you lovely lurkers should feel free to come out of hiding... say hello... we love to hear from you! It's always nice knowing who is reading. At least, thats how I feel.

Look forward to hearing from you!!!

HNT: hidden

Ah.. another Thursday here... and honestly I can say... I'm not feeling so sexy today. (wow that rhymed.) With all the that's been on my plate... its hard sometimes to feel like a sexual creature.

I had my consult for a tubal ligation Monday. I was given two options. The tubal or a fairly new alternative procedure called Essure. I had a friend that had the Essure done.. and honestly, she hated it. Said she'd wished she had just had the tubal which, of course, made me a little uneasy. At first glance... it does seem like the better option. It's less invasive... no incisions.... and no down time from work.

I spent the next next scouring the internet for any info I could get on both. Stories from people that had actually experienced either... it was a long and draining process. I really didn't want to do either.... neither one of them sounded like any fun.... and I found pros and cons ran strong for both.

At the end of it, I did make a decision. The straw for me... was that the Essure has only been out since 2002... therefore... they have no idea what long term effects are. What happens in 20 years? I think that's a huge chance to take... and not one I'm willing to take.

Yes, I will have to take off a week from work (which could be a blessing in disguise)... and yes.. I'm sure I'll be sore.... and yes... I'll have scars... BUT... when I leave that day.. I will no longer have to worry about birth control. No more hormones fucking with my body and head. No more babies. And that's... what its all about for me.

So.. no, I'm not feeling very sexy... I'm still scared. I will be scared till its over. I'm waiting for the doctors office to call me to schedule my surgery. The sooner the better. I can't wait to put this year behind me... this nightmare of birth control gone wrong... and start fresh... free of the burden.

Next.... next week I'll do something better. Till then.... HHNT everyone!

HNT: steamy


Because every night isn't something outta an erotica blog....

I laid there in bed... Ben's arm draped over me. I could feel the warmth of his body as he scooted closer to me. His cock managed to mold into the crease of my ass... fitting there like it's where it belonged. It's very own haven.

At first... my mind wandered.. thinking of random stuff as I often do before I fall asleep.. but tonight.. that wasn't going to work. I became acutely aware of his body.. and I could feel the warmth grow between my legs. That deep seeded need to feel his cock deep inside of me awoke... just as I was awake.

I knew it wasn't going to happen.... but that certainly didn't mean I didn't WANT it to happen. I laid there listening to the rhythm of his breathing.. trying to focus on that.. and not the gnawing need to roll over and rape him. This, however, proved not to be very distracting.

I couldn't lay like that anymore.. there was no way I was falling asleep with him against me. I wiggled free and with an almost fluid motion.. we both rolled over. I wrapped my arm around him.. getting as close as I could. And still after minutes passed... I was no closer to sleep. All I could think of at this point was that I wanted to just fall asleep. I wanted to dream of other things than desire... to rest...because I obviously was not getting the other need met.

Damn it. Sometimes one just needs to get fucked... in order to fall asleep. Alas... I finally gave up and got up hoping that tiredness will over take me so when I do finally go back to bed.. fucking him will not be all I can think of. (wow that was quite the run-on sentence!)

HNT: little black panties

What wonders are within.

reality.... it's a tough decision

I feel like I'm caught up in a whirlwind... that somehow in the last nine months my life has become something unfamiliar. I need a break from my life. I need for one day to wake up and not wonder whats the birth control of choice today? Am I even needing that birth control... ie... am I actually getting laid? And really... I wanna wake up and not hate that I have to go to work.

It's just been one thing after another... and I'm just not sure what to do with anymore. I wanna breathe freely... and not feel like something else could happen at any minute. Dramatic much? Yes... yes it is... but it's how I feel this very moment. It's maddening... and I hate it.

I realize that tons of other people have their own issues to deal with... that are far worse than mine... but that doesn't make me enjoy mine any more. I mean really... if I never had to take birth control again... I'd be the happiest girl. I never in my life thought I'd have so many issues. It really makes no sense to me at all.... I mean... it wasn't till this year that I even had the slightest problem.

So that lends to... why now? What has changed in me that makes it impossible to actually it work? The ups and downs of all of it have drained me. I mean the Nuvaring incident has left me reeling... and the effects didn't fully go away till probably a week ago.

I never went into details about it all... but it actually affected my libido. I was at a point where in my mind I knew I wanted sex... but no other part of me did. It scared the shit out of me... because I've always been someone with a really high sex drive. For that not to be the case... I didn't know what to do with that. I was terrified that it wouldn't come back... and if I didn't I wasn't sure how that would reflect on my life.

I pride myself on my sexual side... always have. Without that... I wouldn't be complete. That sounds weird... but that's how I see myself. I am a sexual creature.... plain and simple. And so for that need not to be there... it was hard to handle.

So here I am... exhausted from it all. It's time to make a tough decision... one that scare me.

I've decided to go ahead and get a tubal ligation. I want this done and over with... I don't ever want to go through this again... and this seems like the best way. My body... my problem (even though Ben is always with me every step of the way). I can't expect out of him what I am not willing to do myself. And so with that... I made my decision.

I'm scared shitless..... to say the least. But I can't keep depending on some medication to keep me from having babies. Apparently that just isn't going to work. My consult is on October 5.... wish me luck... cause I'm certainly going to need it.

And the fun continues...

My body hates me.

No more IUD... didn't even last two weeks...

Birth control sucks.


HNT: white apron

I wear a white apron everyday....
Just like the one above...
I do this so I keep clean...
cause honestly...
I get into my work.

With or without that though...
I'm a very dirty girl...

No apron will change that.


I'm hurting.

Not in a way that most people will completely understand.. as the situation is not unheard of but is certainly unorthodox.

Back story.

I was married before to the wrong person. I cannot say this is a mistake... as many good things came from this time in my life. He got me away from a place and family that I no longer wanted to be around... that wasn't healthy for me. He brought me to his home... into his family.

I bonded with these people... I became part of the family... I was his parent's daughter.. not daughter in law... I was his sister's sister... in fact I was way closer to them... than my ex ever was. We spent every holiday together... had game nights.. bbq's... they were the family I never had.. and always wanted. And all of a sudden.. this was my reality.

The only thing that was wrong about it was... him. So when I left him... I still stayed close with them.. because that's what we all wanted (ex not included in such sentiment). It was tough.. there were a lot of uncomfortable moments... which never really went away. BUT. I loved these people and still very much wanted to be there.

As the time passed and Ben came into the picture.. this still continued... them welcoming him into the family as if it had always been that way. Holidays with the ex became even more difficult but some how we managed to make it work. Why? Because we are family and that's what families do.

In the past year... I'd say just after the first of the year... things have become more unbearable on my part. You see, my ex has lived at his parents house for all of the time we've been separated except for maybe six months (and that's not all at once). Even after the divorce I would go over and just sit and visit... but as the years passed.. this became harder and harder.

I was always told I was welcome there no matter what.. but its honestly very hard to sit in that house while he's there. After a while.. I just stopped going over to visit. Get togethers started getting fewer... and all of a sudden today I realized that I haven't spent time with them since Ben's birthday in July. We didn't do any summer holidays together.... it was probably Easter before that. His sister and her husband came over for poker in June I think... and we had all of the gradation stuff. That was really the last time we spent time as a family together.

Today I also noticed something while in the dining room waiting for the kids to get their stuff together (his parents insist on taking care of the kids when I work and they don't have school)... I realized that I hate going there now. I'm always in a hurry to get home. I always feel so uncomfortable now... like I'm in a house of strangers.

I cannot begin to explain how much this hurts and breaks my heart. I could write on this forever... I've always wanted a family... one that loves me.. and that I'm truly a part of. I had this.. and I feel like I've lost it. My heart is in a million pieces right now... I dunno how to fix this... or even if I can.

I know if I talked to them... they would say I'm being silly... but you can't change how you feel. And I can't make them do things differently... I can't make them mold to be what they were or what I want them to be. People change and evolve.. and sometimes... they do so in a way that you don't like. This seems to be the case...

Or maybe... I'm the one who has changed...


I often wonder how anyone finds my blog. I know that over time.. my obsession of blogs has formed that I've ran across many blogs. The thing about it is.. I really don't remember how I found most of them. I wonder if that's true for everyone... that they don't remember how the stumbled across someone's personal space on the world wide web.

I know that I generally only give only give a new blog one or two posts.. and if I can't grab my attention.. I move on. I wonder how many would be readers I've missed because of few boring or bad posts between the ones I deem good. I'm sure I am not alone in that action... and I'm sure that most people will give it less than one post. But. I could be wrong.

Anyways.. the point... the point is... I just wonder how you found my blog. I would be interested in finding out.. IF you remember. :-)

HNT: together

No matter what comes our way..
Despite what trials we shall encounter..
I know that we'll always face them together.

No matter what.

HNT: invitation

Spreading my legs.. I call you to me... inviting you to touch the softness of my thighs..
Inviting you to venture further... to the wetness that grows between my legs..
Inviting you to fill me... to take my breath away as you completely impale me...

the plan

So.. here's the 4-1-1.

I went to my appointment yesterday.. and it was realllly hot in that damn room (though.. it really could have just been me). I got in pretty quickly.. which was nice. That doesn't happen very often. When the doctor came in... she looked at me... and said "I've never met anyone with so many birth control issues... you poor thing.".

Yep. Poor me indeed... poor Ben too.

I gave her an update to where we are now. Trying to figure out what to do next was pretty hard. I'm really running myself out of options.

The Pill- I got pregnant with my youngest daughter
Depo- I really REALLY don't wanna gain weight (and with recent issues... I don't want to stick hormones in my body that I cannot take out.. riding that out could be very bad)
IUD- well.. apparently my body hates them now
Nuvaring- yeah... we wont go there
the patch- significant chance of blood clots... um yeah

She asked if we wanted more children.. I said no. She then asked if I had considered getting my tubes tied. Honestly.. I have... and well it scares the shit out of me. So that's a no go. She asked about other permanent option where they place a spring in each tube.. and have scar tissue seal them. I had a friend that went that route and said it was terribly painful.. that she wished she had the tubal. So that isn't an option either.

Ben and I have planned for him to get the snip... we have different insurance... and his sucks. So we have to save up for it.. so that doesn't help us right now. So in reality we just have to get something to get us through the first of the year.

This led me to decide.. maybe I should get another IUD. I mean.. the only problems I had with it was that they don't want to stay in. They do, however, stay in a few months at least...which should get me through.

The doctors concern is that it can be up to a month before I can have another placed and prescribed the pill to take up the down time. So... I start that tonight and hope that it works till I get another IUD.

I cannot tell you how worried I am about trying a new BC that I haven't tried... after what has happened. I really don't want to have another week like I had.. it was horrible. I can't wait till this is over and I don't have to deal with hormones... that are not ones I already had that is.

I just have to remember there is an end in sight... this time next year ideally I won't have this problem.


I've put off blogging about this.... but the fact is... at some point... there may be a need to refer back to it. SO...might as well spill the dirty details and move forward.

Back in January, we had some birth control issues. Well it seems that we are right back where we were. At the beginning of this month... my IUD came out... once more. I decided I was over playing the IUD game.. as it seems my body doesn't like them anymore.. so I went for a new form of birth control.

I picked out the Nuvaring... as some of the other forms aren't my friend either. I was hoping this would be the end of my problems with anti baby making... I was wrong. A little over a week after starting it... shit kinda hit the fan. I was all sorts of fucked up... I was hormonal and crazy.. to say the least.

The mood swings I was having were out of control... I'd be a raging bitch one minute.. and a crying mess the next. The bad part for me is that I could see myself being irrational... but couldn't stop. I felt so terrible for Ben having to put up with me but he really was a trooper. He was so patient and good to me throughout the whole thing.

After about a week of this craziness... I really couldn't take it anymore... and took the damn thing out. That was on Saturday.. and I can feel the difference already. I'm not completely myself still but I'm a lot closer than I was. I cannot begin to describe how difficult it is.. to see yourself go through this. It's hard not to feel like yourself.

So we're back to square one. I'm so over birth control and don't understand why it's so hard not to have children. I officially hate hormones... and the crap it does to me. I've never in my life had such a hard time. This year has really sucked for that.

I'm off to the doctor today... see what to do now. Lets hope whatever I get does the trick.


'nuff said.


We were laying on the bed.. all the wrong way. My legs were over the side with my back flat against the mattress. Ben was up next to me... laying there in a perfect little silence. Minutes passed before Ben said we should go get a shower.

He got up.... taking his shirt off. I watched him as he disappeared from the room. I heard him call for me.. asking if I was coming. I was.... just not that very second. I closed my eyes and imagined how I had wanted that moment to go...

On my back... my shirt rose a little.. leaving a little strip of skin exposed above my jeans. I could imagine his fingers tracing the waistline. I could imagine his hands working north... feeling my smooth skin under his fingertips. He would keep moving till he reached the bottom band of my bra slipping underneath.

He'd trace that band as well... inching up a tad.. to feel my nipple... all hard and ready to be teased. He's slip his whole hand inside... wrapping it around the full of my breast.. squeezing it gently much to my approval. Before leaving... he'd gently pinch the hardness.. exciting a moan from me.

He'd move south again... exploring a different route this time. This time when he reached my jeans, he'd unbutton them. Slowly unzipping them.. his fingers would move inside... grazing over the smooth lips of my pussy making my breathing grow more rapid.

He'd remove them... and use the other to pull my jeans down my legs. He'd inch up my legs to the inside of my thighs.. kissing gently. When he reached my pussy... he'd lick slowly... teasing my clit.. making my body writhe under his tongue. His hands would move back up... under my bra and pinch both of my nipples again.

And this is where my imagination stopped as the husband was calling for me again. I got up in my dreamy state and joined him in the shower.. leaving my thoughts in the bedroom.

Saturday night surrender

When it's been a while between our more aggressive sexual adventures.... it's funny the emotions I go through. It ranges from uneasiness (over reconditioning my mind and body to accept intense pain) to pure excitement. This was the case Saturday night.

I hadn't been sleeping well and so after the third night of this.. I decided it was time we rotated the mattress. Ben came into the room... I had already pulled the blanket, sheet, and pillows onto the floor. I was only wearing a thsirt... my ass barely peeking out. As I bent I felt his hand rub against my exposed skin. I let out a sigh... making sure he knew I liked it.

His fingers traced the line of my ass... giving way to the soft skin of my pussy. I gasped when I felt his fingers rub my clit somewhat roughly. He gave it a few strokes before moving his fingers back.. and plunging into me. I pushed back against his hand... and whimpered when they left after only a minute.

We went about turning the bed... and as we were putting the stuff back on... I was bent over the bed again fixing the covers. I didn't even notice him coming up behind me... and planting a firm smack on my ass. His hand hand up on my back... holding me down.... then applied several more swats to each cheek.

He let me up after... saying it was shower time. The shower was uneventful.... each of us showering in silence only glancing up at each other here and there exchanging a smile or a knowing look. When I finally exited.. I did my after shower routine... as Ben had already left the bathroom. I listened as I brushed my teeth... hearing the tell tale sounds of our toy drawer. I felt the fear somewhat grow in my stomach. It had been weeks since I had endured any sort of prolonged pain. I also felt the excitement of the impending treatment...

I couldn't draw it out anymore... and walked out of the bathroom only to be met by Ben.. holding two of my vibrators. He handed them to and told me to make sure they were clean (apparently they hadn't been used in a while...who knew that drawers got so dusty). As I washed them... he came in for a towel.

I followed him into the bedroom.. and this is where my memory gets hazy. Its funny how more intense something is.. the harder it is to remember.

I was pushed over the corner of the bed.... no warm ups... just powerful blows from the flogger... over and over. The first ones had no rhythm to them... so hard to stay focused and not cry out. Soon, though, his assault had a steadiness to it.. that allowed me to sink into a quiet enjoyment.

He wouldn't allow that for long... dragging me to my knees... slamming his cock down my throat. He fucked my face while he continued working on my back and ass. As he did so.... he told me that he wanted me to present parts of my body for him to whip... which made me shudder. There is something about choosing your fate so to speak that makes it all the more hard to endure.

He pulled away... and instructed me to go ahead and show him where to spank. I thought for a second... and turned... getting on my hands and knees. I arched my back and stuck my ass in the air. He did not hesitate.. and just as quickly as I had got into position... the first blow fell across my ass. Over and over the flogger falls made contact with my skin.. sometimes making me scream... other times making me moan.

Soon he was ready for a new target... and urged me to pick something else. I sat up a bit laying across the bed... pointing to my back. There was a confidence in that choice... as it's my favorite place to be flogged. He moved onto my newly selected spot. Strike after strike... I laid there enduring what he dished out.

After a bit.. I was told to pick a new spot. I pointed to the backs of my thighs this time. He only got a few hits in on this spot. One blow hit the side of my thigh... wrapping around... that brought forth such pain. I gasped... and screamed.. and felt my chest tighten trying to find air.... and the tears filling my eyes. I begged him to stop...

"Why?", he said... dripping with condescension.

"Because it hurts", I choked out.

"But it's supposed to hurt, isn't it? And you like it, don't you?", he was all smiles... I could tell without even looking.

"Yes", was all I could respond with... between deep breaths trying to keep from completely falling apart.

He knew I didn't want him to stop.. and pressed forward to picking another spot. For whatever crazy reason (maybe because I know how much he likes it), I picked my pussy. I rolled over.. spreading my legs for him. He offered up his cock to help distract me from the attack I was about to feel.

I took him deep into my mouth... and his soothing words rolled from his lips... asking if I was ready. And so... he began.... getting in a few good hits before I couldn't take more. The tears came back to my eyes. I could feel panic filling me... but he has a way of calming me... bringing me back to where he needs me to be.

Soon I was laying there.. legs spread... willing to accept more. He was going to give me one more.... one more good one. The fear grew in me.... waiting.. wondering when it'd come... my mouth full of his cock again. Then out of no where.. the last stinging blow hit my tender flesh. I pulled my legs up to me... laying in a ball. There was no stopping the tears this time.. as they streamed down my face.

He told me to breathe... to calm myself... as he moved around to the other side of the bed. He got me off the bed... I leaned in to suck his cock again... but was met with resistance. The wood handle of the flogger was at my throat.. causing me to struggle to reach even the tip. I struggled.. pushing harder.. digging the wood into my throat to finally reach my prize.

Satisfied with my struggle.... he removed the flogger. I moved my head up and down... fucking him with my mouth. Words flowed from his mouth as I did as I was expected.

"So I guess I should tell you what I have planned for you tonight. Those two vibrators you cleaned are going into your pussy.... and I'm going to fuck your ass. Like that idea?", he asked... as if he was talking about what he had for lunch.

I could feel the dread coming over me. I don't prefer being fucked in the ass when we play harder... my body isn't as relaxed as it needs to be to allow him to do so without hurting me. So.. yeah, I wasn't looking forward to it.

He pulled away from me... and told me to get onto the bed on my back. I did hee pulled me to him... my legs spreading again. There wasn't pain.. but pure pleasure as he slid deep into my pussy.. filling me. I cooed.... enjoying the reward I had earned.

His arms wrapped around my thighs... fucking me... my fingers wandered down... and started rubbing my clit. My eyes shut and went with it... fully enjoying all the sensations that flowed through my body. This wouldn't be all I'd get though.... soon I found myself void of his cock.... and had my cunt filled with the first of two vibrators.

I took the first one with ease. One is no problem by any means. He fucked me vigorously with it.... making sure I was nice and wet (like that's any problem). He only stopped to slid the other in... stretching my pussy out. I felt so full.... words escape me in how to accurately describe it.

He pushed my knees up further.. getting better access to my ass. Normally I would put up some resistance... but honestly I was pretty far gone by then... so I laid there... letting him do whatever he wanted.

With one hand.. he held the vibrators in place.. and the other.. he squeezed a ton of lube into the slit of my ass. I heard him set the bottle down... then felt the tip of his cock press against me. I had very little fight in my body.. which was probably a good thing... and worked in my favor.

I felt him slip inside of me... pressing further and further... not giving me much time to adjust to the stretching of my ass. I reached down again... rubbing my clit.. trying to keep the focus on something more enjoyable. Finally when he was all the way in... he begin pumping in and out... more forceful than he'd normally be.

After a few more minutes of his cock and the vibrators fucking me... I asked him for more lube as my body was tensing and it was starting to hurt. He obliged me... then went back to the task at hand.. sliding back in and not giving any adjustment time.

By then I was so far gone... the sensations were overwhelming.. and I could feel myself deep in subspace.. where very little could touch me. I'm not even sure how much time passed.... or how many times my body trembled with orgasms. Though, at some point.. his seed spilled into my ass. When his orgasm subsided he pulled out... then pulled the vibrators out.

I pulled away... curling into a ball... as he slipped into bed up behind me enveloping me in his arms. This is when the whole experience washed over me.... and tears poured from my eyes.. like this wonderful release of anything bad that I felt. In that very second... I was wonderful... and felt just.. well good.

Moments like that are probably hard to describe or understand unless you've experienced them. I've had very few experiences like that... and I wouldn't trade them for the world.... they are simply amazing.

It took me almost a hour to full snap out of it... and be completely normal... but it was so totally worth it. It was good stuff indeed.

HNT: Laced

Theres something about a corset that makes me feel instantly sexy. Not that I don't a good portion of the time... but this is like... bam... I feel incredibly hot. I love the feel of the laces against my exposed skin... the way the string falls... and how I can feel it against my ass as I move. I love the curve of my waist it makes... and the smoothness of the bodice. How each little hook connects up a long line... giving way to cleavage. I feel sexy indeed.

a little bit of love leads to a whole lotta passion

We laid in bed.. talking... cuddling.. just being together. Ben was on his back... and I was propped up on my elbow. I looked down at him... and he has this particular look in his eyes.. one that is hard to describe. It was like... kindness... adoration.. love.. lust... all rolled into one. It was overwhelming... in this... oh my god, I love this man kinda way.

I leaned into him... gently rubbing my nose against his... sharing a moment that was just simple.. and pure. Seconds seemed like minutes... and time could have stood still. Before I knew it... out lips touched... the passion between us ignited.

What started out as something gentle... became intense want and lust. His knee came up between my legs... wedged up against my pussy. I put my hand to his neck... lightly placing it against his collar bone. His hands wandered... up and under my shirt. His fingers dug into my back... making every nerve ending in my body come alive.

We kissed intensely... almost like we couldn't get enough of one another. Soon he was pulling my shirt off.... and I laid back against him. I kissed him more... as he reached down and started stroking his cock. I love it when he does that... something about it makes me so freaking hot.

I finally couldn't take anymore... and climbed on top of him... rubbing against his cock through our shorts. We grinded against one another.... fueling the want and need we had to partake in. His fingers once again raked across my back... then down to the band of my shorts.

I rolled away... letting him pull down my shorts... then his own. I wasted no time.. and climbed back on top of him. I rubbed my clit against the tip of his cock... making me suck in air... enjoying the sensation.

Moving my hips up... Ben guided his cock into my soaking wet pussy. I took him deep inside.... feeling every inch of him. His hands where all over... digging into my thighs.. my back... my tits. It felt amazing... and before I knew it... I was rocked with an orgasm so intense that I squeezed his cock out of me.

I leaned in and kissed him again as I slid back down on him fucking him vigorously. His hips rose to meet my own.... with one purpose alone... to make him cum. I bounced up and down... sighing and moaning with each thrust. I could tell by the look on his face.. and the force in which his fingers were buried into my flesh that he was close.

With each assualt.. I could feel the muscles in my pussy tighten... and I imagine it was all too much to take anymore. Ben filled my cunt with his cum... and then we collapsed into a pile of flesh... holding each other in a quiet contentment.

baby steps

Ive become comfortable with the current track of my blog. Not because that's how I like it... but simply because that is how its morphed. I keep meaning to write something... and I wait for something blog worthy to come along... and before I know it.. it's Thursday again. Time to post another picture.. and put my mind back to thoughts of writing.

And that is where that thought ends... where it is left. Tucked away in the corners of my mind.

I'm not sure when I stopped mulling stuff around in my brain.. and when I stopped actually writing. I guess I could go back and look in my archives, but frankly, that seems a little depressing.

So there's the curser blinking in front of me once more... like so many times before... where I sat and stared at the empty screen. I sit and hope that something will come... if only I ponder long enough. I have two posts that are waiting to be finished.. things I've started that very unlikely to ever see the light of the internet.

Why you ask? Well... cause when something finally did come to me.... it took me some time to actually put it down. The words that actually came to me when I thought of them... somehow were blurred... it didn't have that finesse that it had when it first came to mind.

And so they will probably find themselves in a trash pile.. forever lost to that void. It's probably for the best... as I'll never be able to grasp the mood.. or feeling it was originally intended to be written in.

SO... this is my effort to put down something. Here it is.. in all its glory.. just simply cause I felt like writing. Which... I think, is putting the right foot forward to get back on track of writing. Here's to hoping!

HNT:feeling blue

HNT: Belated

I'm on vacation... better yet... WE'RE on vacation. It's already half over and I do NOT wanna go back to work. Vacation time is always good time... but this one... we stayed home for... and I have to say.. it's be really good.

There is a ease to my soul... a happiness that fills my eyes... If only everyday could be this relaxing.. this fulfilling.

And let's not forget about how lucky I've gotten all week. I think only one day has passed that I haven't had a little bit of extracurricular activity... which I will NEVER complain about.

Ahh yes.. if only everyday could be a vacation day....

HNT:showin' a little skin

Sometimes... less is more.

HNT: Wet

Wet is good... 'nuff said.

HNT: bruised

Asked ten years ago.. would I like knowing and seeing my ass was bruised... I would have said that is just plain crazy. And perhaps it is... but... it is something I crave now. Seeing the red marks turn to black and blue... and how they linger for days on end. It always takes me back to the moment I got them... and I smile.

Asked now.... would I like knowing and seeing my ass bruised... I say.. a resounding yes... more please. My how time changes who we are.


A blank screen stares back at me..... and I have nothing to say.

I want to have something... anything... to say... and yet nothing flows from my brain through my fingers.

It's maddening...

It is like somehow my mind is silent but yet there is a collision of thoughts... none of which are coherent.... nothing that even I can make sense of.

I have found myself here before. This wall of sorts. Somehow... I find a way to scale it and safely land on my feet... on the other side.

Hopefully.. it comes soon.

where were you at 5 am?

It's been a while since I've woken up in the middle of the night horny enough to actually do something about it... call it old age... or whatever (though I know I'll be told that I'm not old)... I just haven't in a while. Sleep is so very precious to me.... but in the same thought.. so I sex. So yeah.

I had woke up several times... all warm and sleepy. Each time I wanted him... but sleep would retake me just as I'd scoot up against Ben's body... molding mine to the contour of his. Curling my groin up and around his ass that I love so much. Then... I'd drift off to dream land.

The last time I woke up was around five am. This break from sleep was much more powerful.... I was more awake than any of the other times... and this time.. the urge overtook the need to sleep. I was still snuggled up behind him from previous bouts of wakefulness.

My head slid down his chest to his hip where I rubbed a few times before just saying screw it... and going for the prize. When my fingers reached his cock... I was pleasantly surprised to find it hard and waiting for me. I wasted no time and wrapped my fingers around... slowly stroking him at first. He woke up almost instantly.. or was he already awake?

My speed picked up... and soft cries of pleasure escaped his lips. He moved.... and my hand moved with him.. till he was on his back... reaching over to find my willing pussy. We laid there.. working each other over... till the urge to fuck was too strong.

I rolled over... and stuck my ass out. Seconds later my cunt was met with a very sudden fullness. I groaned... I love that initial feeling... its simply amazing. Our hips began to move together... not wasting time... the middle of sleep is not the time to go slowly. Its about getting what you want and then going back to sleep all satisfied.

We only stayed like this for a few minutes before I rolled onto my back.... him on his side still. Our hands found one another... touching in the darkness.... his hand gently grasping me. I set back to my task at hand... moving my hips up and down on his cock... feeling an orgasm growing. Somewhere in there... his other hand found my clit. He roughly handled me... and I was a goner.

My head went back as I cried out... explaining an orgasm... now there is a task isn't it? I didn't stop though... I kept fucking him as mine subsided.... my hands reaching out for his chest. My fingers brushed against his nipple. I grabbed it between my fingers... gently tweaking it.

I could feel his body tense under me.... I knew that he was almost there.... so I continued... not making it more intense. Just sticking with what was working. Then before I knew it... he convulsed... spilling his seed into me.. filling me.

When it subsided... we parted and curled up into each other.

"Where did that come from", he asked.

"I was horny.", I said matter of factly, "besides, it seems that you were too".

HNT: Less is more

Now that summer is here... that means less.... less rain.. less clothes... less blankets on the bed. That doesn't make me love my bed any less though. There is nothing better than curling up in a cool set of clean sheets and relaxing on those lazy days. I know I've done it a time or two.

Happy Birtday to my hubby!!!

Today is my hunny's birthday! Another year around the world looks good on him... atleast I think so :-) Maybe I'm partial.

I have a pretty nice evening planned for my dear husband... filled with being bathed... a massage... some wine... and dessert (if you catch my drift). I can't wait.. I love to pamper him. I'm ready for him to be home already!!


I love you more than words can describe... I hope you have the best birthday thus far.. If we have to grow old... you're the one I want to do it with... so maybe getting old isn't so bad.

HNT: All tied up

There is something about......

....the way rope feels against your skin.

....the feeling of being helpless... at the whim of your lover.

....the indentions in your skin after you are freed.

....the taste of that new found freedom.

....the longing to have it taken away again.

a glimpse

.........was inside of me... deep to the hilt.. filling me full. I was on top of him.. facing away... and slowly started to grind against him.. making circles with my hips. His hand moved up my spine to my shoulder... grasping it with his hand. I love when he grabs my neck or shoulders firmly.... there is something so dominant about it.... I love how my body reacts.

Before I knew it his other hand came up... and both wrapped around my neck. He pulled me back.... till I was almost laying against his chest. I laid perfectly still... as did he. I focused on staying calm... trying to conserve what air I had in my lungs. Every few seconds I'd gasp for air a little.... only he didn't let up. It was... hot.

We laid like this for a few minutes... before I couldn't take it anymore. I moved my hips up and down... his hands still about my throat. The silent room was penetrated by the sounds of my wet pussy.... soon he joined me... fucking me with such vigor that....

out of the haze

It was late... we had been out... and it was time for sleep.

Ben and I kissed and said good night... then I rolled over... scooting back into his body. His arm draped around me pulling me closer. His hand migrated quickly.. finding a resting spot on my shoulder. He slowly whisked his fingers back and forth. Electricity flew through my body.... I had been horny for some time... teasing the caged animal is never nice.

In my head... all I could think was "don't start something you can't finish".... and part of me wanted to say it.. butttttt I didn't want him to stop. In which he did- but replaced it with his leg sliding up and down on mine. This.. my friends.. is a very good sign. This.. is not some random affection.

In my state (I had been drinking), some of the details are fuzzy.

His fingers snaked around... up my thigh and between my legs. They parted slightly.... giving him ample room to do his work. He touched me... and I sighed... finger the pressure on my clit. Minutes passed.. him working me over... me wiggling as I could feel the orgasm growing.

Ben leaned into my ear, "I want you to suck my cock".... and of course... I eagerly turned to do so. My lips parted... taking just the head of his cock into my mouth. I swirled my tongue around... taking my time. Inch by inch I would go deeper with each bob of my head till I was at the base.... hitting the back of my throat.

From there things get a little hazy. At some point... he grabbed a handful of hair... pulling me to the edge of the bed where he slammed his cock back into my mouth... slowly fucking it. His hands wandered... roughly finding things to keep his fingers occupied with. Though... I certainly didn't mind.

Soon he bent forward... pushing himself deeper.. face next to my sex. He opened his mouth and sunk his teeth into my tender flesh. I groaned with a full mouth.. not expecting the harsh treatment. He bit over and over... different places... different amounts of pressure till he finally rewarded my pain with pleasure.

His tongue danced over my clit... flicking it with vigor... making my body squirm. My fingers sank into his thighs... my breathing quickened. Until. He stopped.

He turned me over.. and plunged hard and deep into my wet pussy... the time for teasing.. was done. I pushed back into him... our motions became one together. My fingers dug into the sheets... moaning and screaming. His hands.... on my hips.. pulling me into him. And time passed.... the world stood still... all that mattered then... was that.

When he came... we collapsed into each other.... all tired and content. It was time to sleep though.. the red numbers stared back at us.... 2:57 am. Time for bed indeed.

Sugasm #168

This Week’s Picks
“My mouth waters at the sheer beauty.”

Lilly’s Turn - Part 3: Wherein Lust, Greed and Risk Intersect
“She was biting her lip to prevent herself from making a sound.”

Oh Dirty Girl
“It was at that moment that I knew I needed him to take me and take me dirty.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Porn’s 2009 AIDs Outbreak

Sugasm Editor
Review: Why Just Her

Editor’s Choice
My very first HNT!

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Erotic Writing & Experiences
He Can Use Me All Night – Part Two, Yet Another Hotel
Hump Day Poetry
I Can’t Get No Contraception - Part 2
Just fucking.
Keeping It Simple
Tedious Training
Wet dream at the airport-part2

News, Reviews & Interviews
20 Questions with Satine Phoenix
Favorite Jeans -HNT
Girly HNT.
Glow Plugs and the Kegel8 Effect
I’m unemployed and I live with my parents
Protection and Promiscuity

Sex Advice
Congrats! You are the new proud owner of some Sexy Lingerie!
Pompoir: The Art of Milking the Lingam
The truth about female ejaculation

BDSM & Fetish
Breed Sex Part 1: They Want to Cum in You.
Daddy Spanked Me
Darklady’s 9th Annual Masturbate-a-Thon - The Solo Sex Circus
High School Bully Part 3
A Kiss Goodbye
Meeting a Domme
Le 6 janvier…L’histoire!…My version

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Bent in the chair for harsh punishment
Lindsay Lohan Topless Twitter Picture
Liv - Pure Perfection
Nude at daylight
Teen girl bending over for some harsh cane stripes

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Eagerness & Blow Jobs – Lessons Learned From Gay and Bi Men
Faking Orgasms | How it feels for a girl
On Love, Loss and Taking Risks

HNT: On the floor

Sometimes being on the floor is a good place to be....

four's a crowd

Ben and I were recently asked if we wanted to play with another couple and to go to a swingers party. It SOUNDS sooo exciting. I was bummed when we didn't go (I got over it though). But of course.. there are a few things that keeps this from happening.

  1. Ben and I are both kinda possesive of each other. Let me clarify that... we don't really want to share each other with someone else. Having friends.. and doing things outside of each other are A okay.... but as far as being intimate with another... I think this would be very traumatic for each of us. Sooo for us to join another couple... this is sharing... and well.. yeah.. probably end with some hurt feelings.
  2. Ben is not comfortable having sex in front of others... no pictures.. not in the same room... not on cam. The idea of it.. just is not appealing to him. Me on the other hand... I think this is incredibly exciting. I have really come into my own voyeurwise in the last few years. There is something very, very erotic about watching another person/couple in the midst of something sexual. But again.. that's just me. We are a couple... and so we have to find a common ground to where both will be comfortable.
  3. Past experience.... I've been down this road. I trust Ben completely.. but those bad memories... still taint my mouth. In fact... I completely trust said couple as well. They are awesome. This is my hang up.. no one else's.
Despite this stuff.. it doesn't keep me from thinking about how fun it COULD be. I feel like we kinda missed out on a great experience.. but if he's not in it all the way... then I'd rather not do it at all. Keeping our healthy, happy relationship is way more important to me than one night of craziness.

What I do get from this is.... really hot masturbation material! So its not a complete waste!

nothing like a red ass

Ben and I rarely get a Saturday afternoon together... he always works late. So.. when he gets to come home earlier than usual.... I like to spend as much time with him as I can. Im a greedy girl like that :-).

We had grabbed a shower not long after he got home... we didn't really have any plans but knew we were going to grab something to eat- I had a really long, hard day at work. He always gets out before me... and so when I finally dried off and did all my after shower rituals... he was on the couch with the laptop.

I looked at him kinda funny... kinda taken back that he wanted to be on the computer instead of being with him. We said something to each other, I can't remember what... and then I think I said "hmph" (playfully of course) and walked into our room.

I laid down on the bed... there was no sheets or blankets... as we had stripped them to wash. I curled up next to one of our cats and began petting him as I could hear Ben calling out to me. I didn't answer... but was grinning ear to ear knowing he would come to me.

And he did... within minutes he was in the bedroom asking me what I was doing... in which I answered, "petting the cat". He sat on the bed and laid he his head against me... I love it when he does that. I readjusted... so that I was on my back and his head was on my stomach. He laid there and talked for a bit.

Soon I felt his hand wandering up my thigh to my sleeping pussy. His fingers slid up the lips.. bringing it alive and alert. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his touch. Minutes passed and I warned him that if he didn't stop... I might rape him. He laughed and said okay.. that we needed to get some dinner.

"We can watch a lil' somthin' somethin'... and then maybe later.. we can watch a lil somethin' somethin'", he said... I was all smiles.

I rolled over onto my stomach and asked where he wanted to get something to eat. He didn't know. Then.. out of no where... his palm made contact with my ass. It wasn't the hard, get your attention type... just a playful... slap on the ass.

From there... there was a barrage of spankings... in which I loved. They were soft at first... working up to the ones that sends every inch of your body into alert. From side to side... and sometimes in the same spot a couple times before moving on... he worked my ass over. I was loving it.

Soon his fingers found their way to my very wet hole... he commented on how wet I was ( he loves the way my body responds to him). He kept spanking me.. making me yelp as he slid his fingers inside. I was in overload... I knew at any moment I was going to cum. I could feel that tell tale build... but was riding the wave slowly to the shore.

I felt his hand pop into my cunt... I tried staying relaxed but every nerve ending in my body was awake. He assault didn't stop.. he kept working my ass and pussy over... knowing he had me just where he wanted me. Seconds passed.... and the words fell from my mouth.. asking to cum... then answered with a hissing yes.

The orgasm ripped through me... although Ben was not letting up... and so it felt like it lasted forever. All my muscles grasped his hand.... till it was over.... atleast from my end. He was in no way done with me.

Soon he broke out the wire hanger (which seems to be his toy of choice lately.. and I am notttttt complaining). I saw it out the corner of my eye, and where as I love it... my body tensed. The swats began.... I wasn't ready... I felt panicy... and my breathing became erratic. I rose up... in which I was ordered to breath and get back down.

I lowered my body and tried to regain my breathing... his hands never left my cunt. This happened several times... and we transversed a lot of the bed. It amazes me how much you can move when you're having sex. I could feel the heat radiating off my back and ass.

A while passed of this dance... and finally Ben wanted some attention for himself. He had been very giving... it was all about me up until then... something that doesn't usually happen... for that.. I am thankful. He told me to suck his cock. I climbed off the bed eagerly.. as I had been wanting to feel it in my mouth... it was weird to go so long without his flesh hitting the back of my throat.

When I got to the floor, I took his cock into my mouth eagerly.... sucking with vigor. I slid my tongue against it with every bob of my head. Then I stopped... took his wet fingers into my hands... then began sucking my juices off them. When they were clean.. I went back to the job at hand.

Ben took up swating me with the hanger again while I sucked him. It's far easier to be composed this way.. I have something to focus on.. to keep me from feeling scared of the sensations. Some time passed again... and I was told to get on the bed and lean my head over the side. I obeyed... and he straddled my face. I took his balls into my mouth... recieving moans from him.

"You want me to spank your pussy don't you?", he asked... and of course the answer was a resounding no. "Yes you do... you want me to spank it.. I know. Open your legs.... open them... ", and I did as I was told.. reluctantly.

I felt the cold metal make contact.. I cried out a little but still kept sucking his balls gently. Over and over it hit my skin... getting harder with each blow till I couldn't take it anymore. I snapped my legs shut.... and again, Ben's cool words fell from him mouth telling me to open my legs.

I reopened them... and he went back to work... till the same thing happened. This time.. he had another idea.... he was going to spank my pussy while he fucked me. That idea, I was down with. I turned on the bed... letting my ass hang off the bed a little and spread my legs for him.

He entered me.... and oh my did it feel good. He stroked himself in and out a few times then went about the business of spanking my pussy again. He fucked me hard.. and swatted me hard too.... but I was loving every second of it. I couldnt' take it much longer and begged for him to just fuck me. Ask and ye shall recieve.

He dropped the hanger... and grabbed my legs. He began pouding me with force I don't see that often. It lasted for a while too... much to much delited surprise. When he finally came..... I pulled him to me.... wrapping my legs and arms around him... and kissed him with all the passion I could muster. Our lips seperated.... and I whispered to him.. our faces so very close.... that I loved him.


We cuddled for a bit.. then I felt like I could actually stand. So we got up... I went and hugged him.. and did as I always do after we play. I spun around and checked out my ass in the mirror. It was all red and welty. On th side of my ass... there was a pattern... I giggled and told Ben it looked like fish scales. How I do love my marks. I will marvel at them for days to come :-)

Just so you know...

Sometimes I think that the frustration builds up... so much that no matter how many times you notch away at it.... it continues it's upward climb. Sometimes I think the only way to actually bring it to it's knees is to bring the GIRL to her knees.... till she's a puddle of tears... but somehow- it frees her.

I think I'm kinda at that point. The point where I just need to be reduced to a pile of flesh. I can tell... because I'm sensitive to everything. Things that wouldn't normally irritate me... have been. I need a healthy dose of Ben beating my ass to bring balance back to me.

I need him to... beat me... push me... take from me... and then.. put me back together... all fresh.... and free.

HNT: Ben's POV

This is what Ben sees when I'm on my hands and knees before him.

How cool would it be to see through his eyes just once what its like when he fucks me... when he spanks me...

How powerful and dominating he must feel when I am submitting to him... kneeling low taking what he gives.

It's over! It's over!

Another graduation has come and gone... and I must say.. I am VERY thankful. You see, graduation is the busiest time of my year work wise. Added to it this year was my niece graduating... and well you can see how this weekend was exhausting?

Work was insane... we had SO many orders.. it's safe to say.. I worked my ass off (even though its still there thank goodness!). I went into to work at four am on Saturday. I got off.. grabbed the flowers and balloon I ordered for my niece. When I got home.. I boiled all the noodles I needed for the three pasta salads I was commissioned to make. It was a funny sight I'm sure.... in the kitchen in just my bra... Im strange.. I know.

After I jumped in the shower with little time to spare. Ben got home.. and did the same.... and we were off. We went and got the kids from their Dad's and headed to the stadium. We were there a little early... but we wanted to get good seats next to the rest of the family. It was a nice day out.. despite the early morning rain. The seats... were terrible. All of our backs were hurting after the two hour ceremony was over.

It was emotional to watch her graduate... to see her as a woman and not as a child... its difficult. Nevertheless... I am so very proud of her... because I know how hard she worked to get to that day. When it was over.. and we went down to find her in the sea of people... she was all grins.

We had dinner at the parents house after... sub sandwiches and potato soup.. yum. It was nice to have all of us together.. chit chatting and having a good time. We only stayed a hour before we left for home to finish up making the salads and clean up.

We headed over to my sister's house to deliver the salads and cake balls I made for the party on Sunday. We had planned on going out with friends... but that kind of fell through when we got sucked into helping set up. We were there until nine.... and went home.

Ben and I relaxed for a bit.... where I almost fell asleep on the couch. We decided it was bedtime... so we grabbed a shower and was in bed by 10:30.

On Sunday we did manage to sleep in... but I woke up very sore. My body was not liking being overworked. I got up and showered... and we headed out. We grabbed some breakfast then headed to my sister's again.

I jumped in helping... setting up food and such. We headed out after the food was in order and set up the tables and chairs. We decorated the area... getting things all put together... and I must say... it turned out quite nicely.

People started showing up on time at four... and the two of us were in hostess mode getting everything moving. We showed the slide show I put together first thing... which everyone loved... I even got asked how much I would charge to do something like that. That surprised me.. but made me feel good knowing that I did a good job.

After that we manned the grills and got to cooking. Once that was done.. we could finally relax and enjoy the fruits of our labor. We sat around talking and just enjoying ourselves. This is where Ben told me... the cake is melting. It had been an all afternoon project keeping that cake(that I made) out of the sun... and apparently I dropped the ball. (the pic is pre-meltdown.. I didn't get a pic of it melted.. I should have!)

I went over to rescue it.. and the left side bottom boarder... completely melted.. it was a puddle of frosting. Quite funny I must say! I separated the three tiers so that it could be served.... it was quite tasty.

Ben, the kids, and I all headed home around eight... where we tossed the kids in the tub. We relaxed a bit.. then headed to bed after a shower at ten. It was a very full weekend.... I'm sore. But... I feel good about how it all turned out.... so it was all worth the work.

Sugasm #167

he best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #168? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Every Time You Orgasm, An Angel Gets Its Wings
“There is nothing that screams “fuck you” to the pain and the hurt in the world than screaming “fuck me” to the person in your bed.”

HNT: Spanked
“I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. But tonight, I was sure.”

A Thousand Kisses
“This wasn’t enough. I knew that I had to try something else.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Congratulations, you’re invited!

Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: Religion

Editor’s Choice
Food, fun and commitment

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Love HNT Part II
So Many Stripes
Valentina Vaughn
Video Q&A #1

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Fat Ass Betty
Full Circle
Going where no one has gone before

Sex Humor
Adventures in Craigslist (and a belated HNT)

Erotic Writing & Experiences
Conversations about Crossdressing (Early Morning Version)
A Feast of Cock
Gender Fuck
Her Favorite Positions - The Conclusion
I Can’t Get No…Contraception
Lessons from an Orgy
Lilly’s Turn - Part 2: Wherein One Good Turn Deserves Another
Must be the weather…
New Perspective
Picture of Propriety
Playing with Dolls
Please don’t book me ever again
The Poet Surrenders
Rebirth In An Orgy
The Synestheatre
Wet dream at the airport-part1
A Wicked Birthday Bang

BDSM & Fetish
Bending over for some harsh cane stripes
Digging a hole, is that the way you treat me
Lick me
Preparing for Punishment: part one
Puppy’s first visit
A Salute to Masturbation May
SF Treat
Subs: How to NOT Apply
That Look
Thoughts about the play party and Femdom.
Under 40 ~ The New Kinky Bar
What Kind of Submissive Are You?

Sex Advice
How to be bisexual on the internet
How to Give a Tantric Breast Massage
Sometimes You Need A Break…

News, Reviews & Interviews
It’s Good to be the Intern
Kink Interview: Thomas’s Spanking Exploits
LELO Luna Beads: Because You Deserve Them
Product Review: Intimate Organics Energizing Fresh Orange & Wild Ginger Foot Foreplay Lotion
Top 5 Tuesday - Sun, Sand and Smut!

HNT: Summertime is here

I love the grass in the summer... the way it feels under my feet... the smell of a freshly cut lawn. There is truly nothing like summer. No other time of the year can you walk outside... and feel the sun on your face.... and feel truly alive.

Now if only we had a privacy fence in our backyard *grins*.

here's to the class of...

At what point did I stop being a kid.... and make the transition into adulthood?

Big changes are going on in my family... namely, my niece graduates on Saturday. It makes me wonder if she is scared... having to survive on your own can tend to be very scary. Or at least, one would think.

He move to adulthood got me to thinking.... when exactly did I make that leap? I honestly cannot remember it. I mean, I can remember being a kid... and then it's like all of a sudden, I'm grown up. Is that how it happens?

You're going along... wishing to grow up... and like a flash of lightening.. you're wishes are reality. The last true memories I have... that was me feeling like a kid was the summer I was sixteen. My first real job... one that I wasn't helping my mother... the sense of freedom you can only feel as a teenager in the summer.

I would be gone from home for days. My best friend and I would spend out hours in her car... windows down... just driving. The only care in the world we had was where to go to next... and if we had enough time to go down to the beach on the hot summer afternoons.

I think that is the last time I truly felt like the weight of the world was not on my shoulders. My life changed that summer... looking back I can see it now. At the time, however, I did not feel it. I guess being a grown up is just something you do.. even if you don't feel it right away.

Even so.. I miss the carefree days sometimes. I miss not having to think about bills or get up for work. Just to be able to live a day... where the biggest worry you have... is if the ice cream truck is going to come by the house or not.

I wonder if she knows what's ahead of her?

a new chapter in the book of spanking

Life is constantly moving forward. The sun will always rise.... just as sure as it will set... this has always been a constant.

Ten years ago.. you could have never convinced me that I would get off on pain... no way, no how. But, then again.... there are lots of things that you could not have convinced me of then. Hell, FIVE years ago... I probably wouldn't have believed it either- yet here I am... craving that sensation. The drug I will never get enough of...

I love spankings... this I'm sure you know by now. I am fascinated by it.... the feel of it... the mind set it puts me in. So when Ben asked last night if I wanted him to get something that would hurt more than his hand... who was I to say no?

He left me bent over our bed... ass out... and walked past me to our closet. Instantly... I knew. I knew what he was going for. My heart felt like it sunk down between my knees with panic.... strange... since I have wanted to up the intensity. This is what I had been wanting.. what I had asked for. It was playing out in front of me.

My head raced... excited... scared... nervous.... thinking what he was going to produce was a plastic hanger. What I forgot about was the metal ones that still hung in there from his work uniforms. I tried to get a glimpse from out of the corner of my eye... but I didn't even see so much as a tip.

He ran the cold metal over my back and skin. I shivered a bit... from the temperature of it... and the anticipation of feeling it make contact with my back side. I feared (or maybe hoped) for the worst. He asked if I was ready..... and even though I wasn't sure I was... I said yes. Leading up to the first blow was worse in my mind than the actual event.

He tapped my ass a few times.. gently.... my body was full attention... waiting. Finally... the first real assault came... taking my breath away. It stung... bad. Just as I had imagined.... yet I still wanted more. It came as no real shock to me. While he started working me over.. my mind wandered... from the thoughts of wanting more... to not being sure I could take more.... to wondering if THIS is what a cane felt like.

Before he was done, Ben striped my ass... had a little fun with my breasts... and even managed to get me to spread my legs far apart to get one good swat on my cunt. I am fairly sure I could have taken more... that it could have went on for quite a bit longer. I'm not exactly sure why I let it end... I kind of was kicking myself as we laid there... quietly content in our post sex haze.

Once we pryed ourselves out of bed... I checked out my "war wounds" in the mirror. A sly grin came across my face to see the product of his love. (Because in my eyes.... he does this because I ask him to.... because he knows it's what I need.... and so that it love.. to me amongst other things). There is something about when he marks me.... that brings me such joy. I wonder do all people that play so to speak enjoy their marks as much? Do they wear them like a badge of honor?

Even as I was in the bathroom at my father-in-laws (look for another post coming soon to a blog near you!).... I turned to admire the red lines... and faint bruises in the mirror. Sigh. What more can a girl ask for?

HNT:lead me

There is something very exciting about putting on my little black collar.... something exciting about being on my hands and knees... being led by Ben. Makes me tingle all over... and that can't be a bad thing!

even the happiest couples disagree sometimes

I have always been hesitant to air our dirty laundry... I didn't want to be THAT girl that bitched and moaned about her husband. The fact is... I adore him with my every being... I love him... and plan on spending our lives together. No matter if I am upset with him... or completely happy.. that does not change.

With that said.

Our only ongoing issue in our relationship.. has been sex. Sex is very important to me... always has been. Its part of how I identify myself. I am a very sexual person... period. Ben.. no so much. He is okay with having sex a couple times a week... and leave it at that. He's not the type to spend time looking for new things to do.. or watch porn without me. It's not at the front of his mind... almost ever.

For me.. that's really not so true. I think about sex everyday... multiple times a day. I like thinking about new things... looking for new things. I could happily have sex almost everyday... and be good to go.

There is not a huge difference in the amount we want sex... but it is very noticeable to me sometimes. I am very touchy feely... in a sexual way sometimes.... even if I'm not necessarily trying to initiate sex. Sometimes... my goal is just for him to want me.... to have that want build till later. He doesn't always get that... the point of it. And so this leads to my feelings being hurt.. because he pushes me away.

About every six to eight months... we do this dance... where it comes to a head... mainly because when it comes up.. we put a quick patch on it and move forward. We never really come to any answers to how to meet in the middle. And so things start back all hot and heavy... and slowly move to the other... and culminates in me being butt hurt and him feeling like he can't perform to what I need.

I'm really tired of this dance... tired of it coming to that.. because honestly we're better than that. We can work out our differences.. we are intelligent adults. So thats where we are. It will all work itself out.. its just trying to figure out how to get to that point.

We are both trying to figure out what exactly we need and what we want. When we do, we'll sit down and talk.. compare.. and figure out the middle ground. It will be work to figure out something new.. and make it work... but I know we can.

Sugasm #166

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #167? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Bare-Assed Cheek (2): Punishment and Reward
“His finger glides up the inner side of my left thigh.”

Lilly’s Turn - Part 1: Wherein a Power Play is Made
“I asked her, outright, if she considered herself submissive.”

“Exquisite pain heralding exquisite surrender.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Is Sasha Grey going mainstream?

Sugasm Editor
A Difficult Scenario

Editor’s Choice
Just Looking

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

News, Reviews & Interviews
Horny Goat Weed: The Facts
Top Five Tuesday - Pop Culture Porn
Uniram Manual Sex Machine

Sex Advice
Ask Miss Bliss - She Brings Her Man To The All-Girl Sex Party
Guide to First-Time Anal Sex
How to Make Your Own Fucking Machine

BDSM & Fetish
“Dominant Savant…?”
Microfantasy Monday: Tits
My favorite spanking blogs
Riffing on Brent Scott Riffing on Socrates (was Meeting BS)
Thank you, Jay Wiseman
What’s in the box?

Erotic Writing & Experiences
Burning the Midnight Oil
Camera Shy, Part 4
Couch. Confession #278
Drowning In Lust
Each Exquisite Stroke
Fantasy to Reality
I Like Being a Dirty Bitch
Miss blue that Naughty Little Voyeur
Safe Haven
Sexy Skills
Sleep Fucking

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Bianca Beauchamp on a road trip
HNT – Thursday, May 21st, 2009
Hungarian Viva TV presenter is totally nude
Kim Kardashian Playboy Nude Pictures - Few More
Love HNT
Playful Flower
Stunning blonde schoolgirl is punished
“Vixen” -HNT

Sex Humor
A Chocolate Dick Treat
The Secret to Soul Mates

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Blow Jays
Darling, You Look Wonderful Tonight
Have you seen her…?

If the Berlin Wall can fall.... so can mine

I laid in his arms... him on his back.. me curled into his body. The calm after the storm... the uncertainty in the wake of the fight we just ended. Although it was done... I was still holding on.. holding onto the words he said... and the hurt it caused.

His fingers traced the curves of my back... gently caressing my warm skin. Our breathing shallow... but rhythmic. The room was quiet... only the soft hum of the fan above us spoke. I needed air... I needed away just to keep the monster inside calm. I kissed him... told him I loved him.. because no matter what.. that remains true.

After pulling away and laying on my back... my reluctant hand touched his leg... not wanting the gap between us to grow so large that tears would come flowing back. Minutes passed... and again... his advancement came. His hand touched my body... gently... wanton.

He outlined my chest.. down my stomach.. to my thighs.. barely passing by my pussy. In my head... I wanted nothing of it... I didn't want to give in.... to let go. But.. as always.. my body betrays my mind... it reacts to the touch of the man I love.

My mind fights though.. not letting down the barrier that easily. With every stroke of his fingers... the lust wells in my body... yet inside... the battle goes on... there is no way it will allow me to enjoy this seduction. Still he presses on. More and more brave as time passes.. till his fingers dive into my wet cunt. A groan escapes his mouth at the welcome they are met with. The warm, wetness envelopes his digits... urging him on.

The arousal is almost too much to fight anymore... he knows my weakness... he can see right through me. He knows how to touch me to make me melt... how to make me scream. This is intimacy... this raw unhidden truth... this knowledge of me. His fingers advance up.. finding my swollen clit and begins lavishing it with attention... till every wall my mind has built is in a pile of rubble.

He senses this... and in a smooth move... he is on top of me. The tip of his cock nudges against my soaked hole. He stays there... tempting me to slid down on him.... or perhaps to tease me.. to make me helpless with lust. His lips meet mine... they mingle.. tongues brushing each other in a dance of sorts. A tango of passion.

There is no roughness... its pure... its love... its naked need... the need to push past the angry words said... the hurt that was caused- to make it all better... to mend those wounds. Its intensity that you feel deep inside... the offer of yourself... to where you are truly naked...