HNT: symbols

symbol (sim-buhl)-noun: something used for or regarded as representing something else; a material object representing something, often something immaterial; emblem, token, or sign.

There are many symbols in our world.
When a person wears a ring on their left hand... generally it means that that person is spoken for... married or intent. Sometimes it's just a sign of commitment. Either way there is a heavy weight put behind this outward statement of such an inner feeling.

For me... my wedding and engagement rings are a sign that I am married. It means that I have promised myself to my husband for the rest of my time on this Earth. I wear my rings everyday... all day. They are special to me... a part of who I am now.

When a person wears a collar... generally it means a person is owned in some form or another. The depth of such ownership is decided upon the couple. A collar is also equally as heavily weighted as a ring as it is not something that should be taken upon lightly. It's a commitment all of its own... to be in a relationship that is ran by one partner sexually and/or in everyday life.

For me... my collar is a sign that Ben is my dominant... sexually. We are equal partners in all other things. It means that I agree to submit to him... to meet a sexual need we both have. I wear my collar everday... all day. It is special to me... a part of who I am.

Saturday night surrender

When it's been a while between our more aggressive sexual adventures.... it's funny the emotions I go through. It ranges from uneasiness (over reconditioning my mind and body to accept intense pain) to pure excitement. This was the case Saturday night.

I hadn't been sleeping well and so after the third night of this.. I decided it was time we rotated the mattress. Ben came into the room... I had already pulled the blanket, sheet, and pillows onto the floor. I was only wearing a thsirt... my ass barely peeking out. As I bent I felt his hand rub against my exposed skin. I let out a sigh... making sure he knew I liked it.

His fingers traced the line of my ass... giving way to the soft skin of my pussy. I gasped when I felt his fingers rub my clit somewhat roughly. He gave it a few strokes before moving his fingers back.. and plunging into me. I pushed back against his hand... and whimpered when they left after only a minute.

We went about turning the bed... and as we were putting the stuff back on... I was bent over the bed again fixing the covers. I didn't even notice him coming up behind me... and planting a firm smack on my ass. His hand hand up on my back... holding me down.... then applied several more swats to each cheek.

He let me up after... saying it was shower time. The shower was uneventful.... each of us showering in silence only glancing up at each other here and there exchanging a smile or a knowing look. When I finally exited.. I did my after shower routine... as Ben had already left the bathroom. I listened as I brushed my teeth... hearing the tell tale sounds of our toy drawer. I felt the fear somewhat grow in my stomach. It had been weeks since I had endured any sort of prolonged pain. I also felt the excitement of the impending treatment...

I couldn't draw it out anymore... and walked out of the bathroom only to be met by Ben.. holding two of my vibrators. He handed them to and told me to make sure they were clean (apparently they hadn't been used in a while...who knew that drawers got so dusty). As I washed them... he came in for a towel.

I followed him into the bedroom.. and this is where my memory gets hazy. Its funny how more intense something is.. the harder it is to remember.

I was pushed over the corner of the bed.... no warm ups... just powerful blows from the flogger... over and over. The first ones had no rhythm to them... so hard to stay focused and not cry out. Soon, though, his assault had a steadiness to it.. that allowed me to sink into a quiet enjoyment.

He wouldn't allow that for long... dragging me to my knees... slamming his cock down my throat. He fucked my face while he continued working on my back and ass. As he did so.... he told me that he wanted me to present parts of my body for him to whip... which made me shudder. There is something about choosing your fate so to speak that makes it all the more hard to endure.

He pulled away... and instructed me to go ahead and show him where to spank. I thought for a second... and turned... getting on my hands and knees. I arched my back and stuck my ass in the air. He did not hesitate.. and just as quickly as I had got into position... the first blow fell across my ass. Over and over the flogger falls made contact with my skin.. sometimes making me scream... other times making me moan.

Soon he was ready for a new target... and urged me to pick something else. I sat up a bit laying across the bed... pointing to my back. There was a confidence in that choice... as it's my favorite place to be flogged. He moved onto my newly selected spot. Strike after strike... I laid there enduring what he dished out.

After a bit.. I was told to pick a new spot. I pointed to the backs of my thighs this time. He only got a few hits in on this spot. One blow hit the side of my thigh... wrapping around... that brought forth such pain. I gasped... and screamed.. and felt my chest tighten trying to find air.... and the tears filling my eyes. I begged him to stop...

"Why?", he said... dripping with condescension.

"Because it hurts", I choked out.

"But it's supposed to hurt, isn't it? And you like it, don't you?", he was all smiles... I could tell without even looking.

"Yes", was all I could respond with... between deep breaths trying to keep from completely falling apart.

He knew I didn't want him to stop.. and pressed forward to picking another spot. For whatever crazy reason (maybe because I know how much he likes it), I picked my pussy. I rolled over.. spreading my legs for him. He offered up his cock to help distract me from the attack I was about to feel.

I took him deep into my mouth... and his soothing words rolled from his lips... asking if I was ready. And so... he began.... getting in a few good hits before I couldn't take more. The tears came back to my eyes. I could feel panic filling me... but he has a way of calming me... bringing me back to where he needs me to be.

Soon I was laying there.. legs spread... willing to accept more. He was going to give me one more.... one more good one. The fear grew in me.... waiting.. wondering when it'd come... my mouth full of his cock again. Then out of no where.. the last stinging blow hit my tender flesh. I pulled my legs up to me... laying in a ball. There was no stopping the tears this time.. as they streamed down my face.

He told me to breathe... to calm myself... as he moved around to the other side of the bed. He got me off the bed... I leaned in to suck his cock again... but was met with resistance. The wood handle of the flogger was at my throat.. causing me to struggle to reach even the tip. I struggled.. pushing harder.. digging the wood into my throat to finally reach my prize.

Satisfied with my struggle.... he removed the flogger. I moved my head up and down... fucking him with my mouth. Words flowed from his mouth as I did as I was expected.

"So I guess I should tell you what I have planned for you tonight. Those two vibrators you cleaned are going into your pussy.... and I'm going to fuck your ass. Like that idea?", he asked... as if he was talking about what he had for lunch.

I could feel the dread coming over me. I don't prefer being fucked in the ass when we play harder... my body isn't as relaxed as it needs to be to allow him to do so without hurting me. So.. yeah, I wasn't looking forward to it.

He pulled away from me... and told me to get onto the bed on my back. I did so...as hee pulled me to him... my legs spreading again. There wasn't pain.. but pure pleasure as he slid deep into my pussy.. filling me. I cooed.... enjoying the reward I had earned.

His arms wrapped around my thighs... fucking me... my fingers wandered down... and started rubbing my clit. My eyes shut and went with it... fully enjoying all the sensations that flowed through my body. This wouldn't be all I'd get though.... soon I found myself void of his cock.... and had my cunt filled with the first of two vibrators.

I took the first one with ease. One is no problem by any means. He fucked me vigorously with it.... making sure I was nice and wet (like that's any problem). He only stopped to slid the other in... stretching my pussy out. I felt so full.... words escape me in how to accurately describe it.

He pushed my knees up further.. getting better access to my ass. Normally I would put up some resistance... but honestly I was pretty far gone by then... so I laid there... letting him do whatever he wanted.

With one hand.. he held the vibrators in place.. and the other.. he squeezed a ton of lube into the slit of my ass. I heard him set the bottle down... then felt the tip of his cock press against me. I had very little fight in my body.. which was probably a good thing... and worked in my favor.

I felt him slip inside of me... pressing further and further... not giving me much time to adjust to the stretching of my ass. I reached down again... rubbing my clit.. trying to keep the focus on something more enjoyable. Finally when he was all the way in... he begin pumping in and out... more forceful than he'd normally be.

After a few more minutes of his cock and the vibrators fucking me... I asked him for more lube as my body was tensing and it was starting to hurt. He obliged me... then went back to the task at hand.. sliding back in and not giving any adjustment time.

By then I was so far gone... the sensations were overwhelming.. and I could feel myself deep in subspace.. where very little could touch me. I'm not even sure how much time passed.... or how many times my body trembled with orgasms. Though, at some point.. his seed spilled into my ass. When his orgasm subsided he pulled out... then pulled the vibrators out.

I pulled away... curling into a ball... as he slipped into bed up behind me enveloping me in his arms. This is when the whole experience washed over me.... and tears poured from my eyes.. like this wonderful release of anything bad that I felt. In that very second... I was wonderful... and felt just.. well good.

Moments like that are probably hard to describe or understand unless you've experienced them. I've had very few experiences like that... and I wouldn't trade them for the world.... they are simply amazing.

It took me almost a hour to full snap out of it... and be completely normal... but it was so totally worth it. It was good stuff indeed.

a glimpse

.........was inside of me... deep to the hilt.. filling me full. I was on top of him.. facing away... and slowly started to grind against him.. making circles with my hips. His hand moved up my spine to my shoulder... grasping it with his hand. I love when he grabs my neck or shoulders firmly.... there is something so dominant about it.... I love how my body reacts.

Before I knew it his other hand came up... and both wrapped around my neck. He pulled me back.... till I was almost laying against his chest. I laid perfectly still... as did he. I focused on staying calm... trying to conserve what air I had in my lungs. Every few seconds I'd gasp for air a little.... only he didn't let up. It was... hot.

We laid like this for a few minutes... before I couldn't take it anymore. I moved my hips up and down... his hands still about my throat. The silent room was penetrated by the sounds of my wet pussy.... soon he joined me... fucking me with such vigor that....

nothing like a red ass

Ben and I rarely get a Saturday afternoon together... he always works late. So.. when he gets to come home earlier than usual.... I like to spend as much time with him as I can. Im a greedy girl like that :-).

We had grabbed a shower not long after he got home... we didn't really have any plans but knew we were going to grab something to eat- I had a really long, hard day at work. He always gets out before me... and so when I finally dried off and did all my after shower rituals... he was on the couch with the laptop.

I looked at him kinda funny... kinda taken back that he wanted to be on the computer instead of being with him. We said something to each other, I can't remember what... and then I think I said "hmph" (playfully of course) and walked into our room.

I laid down on the bed... there was no sheets or blankets... as we had stripped them to wash. I curled up next to one of our cats and began petting him as I could hear Ben calling out to me. I didn't answer... but was grinning ear to ear knowing he would come to me.

And he did... within minutes he was in the bedroom asking me what I was doing... in which I answered, "petting the cat". He sat on the bed and laid he his head against me... I love it when he does that. I readjusted... so that I was on my back and his head was on my stomach. He laid there and talked for a bit.

Soon I felt his hand wandering up my thigh to my sleeping pussy. His fingers slid up the lips.. bringing it alive and alert. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his touch. Minutes passed and I warned him that if he didn't stop... I might rape him. He laughed and said okay.. that we needed to get some dinner.

"We can watch a lil' somthin' somethin'... and then maybe later.. we can watch a lil somethin' somethin'", he said... I was all smiles.

I rolled over onto my stomach and asked where he wanted to get something to eat. He didn't know. Then.. out of no where... his palm made contact with my ass. It wasn't the hard, get your attention type... just a playful... slap on the ass.

From there... there was a barrage of spankings... in which I loved. They were soft at first... working up to the ones that sends every inch of your body into alert. From side to side... and sometimes in the same spot a couple times before moving on... he worked my ass over. I was loving it.

Soon his fingers found their way to my very wet hole... he commented on how wet I was ( he loves the way my body responds to him). He kept spanking me.. making me yelp as he slid his fingers inside. I was in overload... I knew at any moment I was going to cum. I could feel that tell tale build... but was riding the wave slowly to the shore.

I felt his hand pop into my cunt... I tried staying relaxed but every nerve ending in my body was awake. He assault didn't stop.. he kept working my ass and pussy over... knowing he had me just where he wanted me. Seconds passed.... and the words fell from my mouth.. asking to cum... then answered with a hissing yes.

The orgasm ripped through me... although Ben was not letting up... and so it felt like it lasted forever. All my muscles grasped his hand.... till it was over.... atleast from my end. He was in no way done with me.

Soon he broke out the wire hanger (which seems to be his toy of choice lately.. and I am notttttt complaining). I saw it out the corner of my eye, and where as I love it... my body tensed. The swats began.... I wasn't ready... I felt panicy... and my breathing became erratic. I rose up... in which I was ordered to breath and get back down.

I lowered my body and tried to regain my breathing... his hands never left my cunt. This happened several times... and we transversed a lot of the bed. It amazes me how much you can move when you're having sex. I could feel the heat radiating off my back and ass.

A while passed of this dance... and finally Ben wanted some attention for himself. He had been very giving... it was all about me up until then... something that doesn't usually happen... for that.. I am thankful. He told me to suck his cock. I climbed off the bed eagerly.. as I had been wanting to feel it in my mouth... it was weird to go so long without his flesh hitting the back of my throat.

When I got to the floor, I took his cock into my mouth eagerly.... sucking with vigor. I slid my tongue against it with every bob of my head. Then I stopped... took his wet fingers into my hands... then began sucking my juices off them. When they were clean.. I went back to the job at hand.

Ben took up swating me with the hanger again while I sucked him. It's far easier to be composed this way.. I have something to focus on.. to keep me from feeling scared of the sensations. Some time passed again... and I was told to get on the bed and lean my head over the side. I obeyed... and he straddled my face. I took his balls into my mouth... recieving moans from him.

"You want me to spank your pussy don't you?", he asked... and of course the answer was a resounding no. "Yes you do... you want me to spank it.. I know. Open your legs.... open them... ", and I did as I was told.. reluctantly.

I felt the cold metal make contact.. I cried out a little but still kept sucking his balls gently. Over and over it hit my skin... getting harder with each blow till I couldn't take it anymore. I snapped my legs shut.... and again, Ben's cool words fell from him mouth telling me to open my legs.

I reopened them... and he went back to work... till the same thing happened. This time.. he had another idea.... he was going to spank my pussy while he fucked me. That idea, I was down with. I turned on the bed... letting my ass hang off the bed a little and spread my legs for him.

He entered me.... and oh my did it feel good. He stroked himself in and out a few times then went about the business of spanking my pussy again. He fucked me hard.. and swatted me hard too.... but I was loving every second of it. I couldnt' take it much longer and begged for him to just fuck me. Ask and ye shall recieve.

He dropped the hanger... and grabbed my legs. He began pouding me with force I don't see that often. It lasted for a while too... much to much delited surprise. When he finally came..... I pulled him to me.... wrapping my legs and arms around him... and kissed him with all the passion I could muster. Our lips seperated.... and I whispered to him.. our faces so very close.... that I loved him.

~~~~~~

We cuddled for a bit.. then I felt like I could actually stand. So we got up... I went and hugged him.. and did as I always do after we play. I spun around and checked out my ass in the mirror. It was all red and welty. On th side of my ass... there was a pattern... I giggled and told Ben it looked like fish scales. How I do love my marks. I will marvel at them for days to come :-)

Just so you know...

Sometimes I think that the frustration builds up... so much that no matter how many times you notch away at it.... it continues it's upward climb. Sometimes I think the only way to actually bring it to it's knees is to bring the GIRL to her knees.... till she's a puddle of tears... but somehow- it frees her.

I think I'm kinda at that point. The point where I just need to be reduced to a pile of flesh. I can tell... because I'm sensitive to everything. Things that wouldn't normally irritate me... have been. I need a healthy dose of Ben beating my ass to bring balance back to me.

I need him to... beat me... push me... take from me... and then.. put me back together... all fresh.... and free.

a new chapter in the book of spanking

Life is constantly moving forward. The sun will always rise.... just as sure as it will set... this has always been a constant.

Ten years ago.. you could have never convinced me that I would get off on pain... no way, no how. But, then again.... there are lots of things that you could not have convinced me of then. Hell, FIVE years ago... I probably wouldn't have believed it either- yet here I am... craving that sensation. The drug I will never get enough of...

I love spankings... this I'm sure you know by now. I am fascinated by it.... the feel of it... the mind set it puts me in. So when Ben asked last night if I wanted him to get something that would hurt more than his hand... who was I to say no?

He left me bent over our bed... ass out... and walked past me to our closet. Instantly... I knew. I knew what he was going for. My heart felt like it sunk down between my knees with panic.... strange... since I have wanted to up the intensity. This is what I had been wanting.. what I had asked for. It was playing out in front of me.

My head raced... excited... scared... nervous.... thinking what he was going to produce was a plastic hanger. What I forgot about was the metal ones that still hung in there from his work uniforms. I tried to get a glimpse from out of the corner of my eye... but I didn't even see so much as a tip.

He ran the cold metal over my back and skin. I shivered a bit... from the temperature of it... and the anticipation of feeling it make contact with my back side. I feared (or maybe hoped) for the worst. He asked if I was ready..... and even though I wasn't sure I was... I said yes. Leading up to the first blow was worse in my mind than the actual event.

He tapped my ass a few times.. gently.... my body was full attention... waiting. Finally... the first real assault came... taking my breath away. It stung... bad. Just as I had imagined.... yet I still wanted more. It came as no real shock to me. While he started working me over.. my mind wandered... from the thoughts of wanting more... to not being sure I could take more.... to wondering if THIS is what a cane felt like.

Before he was done, Ben striped my ass... had a little fun with my breasts... and even managed to get me to spread my legs far apart to get one good swat on my cunt. I am fairly sure I could have taken more... that it could have went on for quite a bit longer. I'm not exactly sure why I let it end... I kind of was kicking myself as we laid there... quietly content in our post sex haze.

Once we pryed ourselves out of bed... I checked out my "war wounds" in the mirror. A sly grin came across my face to see the product of his love. (Because in my eyes.... he does this because I ask him to.... because he knows it's what I need.... and so that it love.. to me amongst other things). There is something about when he marks me.... that brings me such joy. I wonder do all people that play so to speak enjoy their marks as much? Do they wear them like a badge of honor?

Even as I was in the bathroom at my father-in-laws (look for another post coming soon to a blog near you!).... I turned to admire the red lines... and faint bruises in the mirror. Sigh. What more can a girl ask for?

My Birthday: part two: waking up is hard to do

I woke up earlier than I would have liked (no... this is not a repeat post lol). My allergies were not letting me sleep.. ie... I couldn't breathe well.. and well... Ben was snoring. So I got up and read some blogs till I heard our alarm go off in the distance.

"Happy Birthday!", I heard my barely away husband call out. I replied with a thank you... then was told a few more times... happy birthday.... which made me giggle a bit. I put the computer down and climbed back into bed with him. Cuddling up close to him, I closed my eyes and smiled.

Not long after sliding into bed with him again, did my hand slide up his chest. My fingers glided over his nipple... barely grazing it... but extracting a reaction from him. I took the nub in between my fingers and pulled gently. I worked it over for a minute or two the moved to the next.

By the time I was done teasing his upper body.. his lower was more than ready for some attention. My hand went south... bumping into his cock... full and hard. I slid my hand over it... all warm and firm... feeling the lust grow between my own legs. Wrapping my fingers around it... I slowly started to stroke... slow and deliberate movements.

I played for a bit before decided to move back to his nipples. My hand left its new companion and my mouth went to work on his nipple... taking it in between my lips... kissing it... nibbling it... flicking it with my tongue.

Ben's hand took over.... something I love. There is something about him stroking his cock in front of me that drives me mad... something no other man has ever been able to do. I positioned myself so that I could watch him pleasure himself. I could feel his body tense at the double attention- a duet of sorts.

It wasn't long before I could not take it anymore. My mouth made a move... from nipple to cock. I parted my lips and took him deep into my mouth.. to my throat. He groaned... a sign of his approval. I made no waste of our time... and began servicing his cock. Moving up and down at different speeds... sometimes with my tongue pressed hard against... sometimes all the way to the hilt. Any way.. it made no difference.. time has a way of teaching you the things your lover likes.

When I could take no more, I climbed on top of him... a leg on each side... and took him into me. I started bouncing up and down- slowly at first then building in speed. I could feel the steady rise of my orgasm.... it was coming slowly.. but still coming.

My movements were deliberate.. just as my blow job had been... it was not even paced... I would go slow.. then fast... just to switch it up a little. A bit passed... this dance of sorts... before he had me switch it up. He turned me around.. facing away from him... and I went back to work.

This did the trick for me.. I could feel myself on the edge of release. Playing this game of chicken... running to the edge then backing off.... I wasn't ready to cum just yet. I kept riding him though... so close to erupting... but not letting go. I needed something to push me off.

I climbed off.. getting onto my hands and knees... Ben followed suit. He wasted no time to get behind me. I felt one of his hands touch my waste then pushed down into my back... and the other on my shoulder and neck.. grasping. He went to work on my cunt.. fucking me like there was no tomorrow.

That was all I needed... that little bit of dominance... so simple... and I was falling. My orgasm surged through my body... riding that wave of pleasure. Ben followed again... exploding into my hungry pussy.

We collapsed into each others arms... and soon drifted between sleep and wakefulness.

We dozed for a bit.. before I woke again... feeling horny once more. I laid there for a few.. debating what I wanted to do. Finally, I slid my hands down between my legs... finding a nice warm, wet pussy waiting to be violated. I slid my fingers in between the lips... finding my clit. I worked circles slowly. The sensation made my back bow a little... waking the sleeping man next to me.

His hands began to work me over.... inching over my skin... pinching my nipples... down between my legs to my thighs... cupping his hand over my face.. taking my breath away. All the while I kept working my pussy... rubbing my clit and dipping my fingers inside.

The build to my next orgasm was intense... I could barely handle it. I finally took his hand and shoved it to my cunt... hoping he'd get the hint. He did.. moving between my legs then sliding his fingers deep inside of me.

It was right there.. I could feel it... I was teetering. I moaned and deepened my resolve to cum... rubbing faster. My breathing labored... my legs tensed... my eyes squeezed tight... and finally.. the sweet release came.

When I came down off the high.... and my breathing came back to normal... we cuddled into each others arms again... knowing that this would not last... it was time to get up and get our day started.

Mother's Day Delight

It has been a week since we last had sex... because the dreaded aunt had come to visit. We were both frustrated.. missing our coupling. I received a phone call from my nephew saying he was on his way over to mow our lawn. We pay him to mow our lawn each week so that he can earn some cash and well... because we don't really like mowing the lawn.

We laid there in a groggy state after I got off the phone... but there is no way I was going pass up a chance to feel him inside of me. I slide my hands under the sheets to his hip moving it over to awaken his cock. I rubbed gently getting a sigh of pleasure from him. I worked a few minutes on him before he was fully awake.

Before I knew it Ben's hands were on my clit... rubbing rough circles. My body reacted immediately... back arched... enjoying the much missed attention. All the while I kept my hand on his cock.. stroking up and down .

After a bit of this.. I could not take it... I needed to feel full.... and so I shoved his hands lower... urging him to plunge his fingers into my wet hole. And he did... deep... sliding them in and out quickly... making my muscles tighten around his appendages. I was almost over powered by the sensations... but not quite.

Soon I was being turned onto my side... slightly lifting my leg to allow him access to my most tender of places. He slid in with ease... me gasping as he did so. A satisfied moan escaped my lips... almost as to say finally!

He started pumping his hips. His fingers inched up my torso till they found their home on my nipple. His initial touches were gentle... kneading them between two fingers. The gentlness soon melted into something more primal... more aggressive. He started tugging on my bud... pull and pinching making me cry out.

Then his assault changed.... he released me... then slapped his palm down on my breast.... I winced in pain. I loved every minute of it. Next came his fingers... raking over my chest. They went from one side to the other... leaving red lines in their wake.

He would spend the next bit alternating till they were screaming for relief. I pulled away a little... needing the break... needing a change. A change was what I got... his hand found a new place to attack... my ass.... there in front of him... begging to be spanked.

This, however, was no nice warm up spanking... this was harsh... take your breath away spankings. One after another... in a nice little row... sharp and to the point. My hands left my chest to cover my ass.... only for him to find my breasts again... slapping them again.

I squirmed... wanting the attack to end in one way... but not wanting it to end in other ways. I recovered my chest.... and as before... he found another target. He lifted my leg into the air... and made contact with my inner thigh. I yelped.

I decided it was time to give my body a break and wiggled out of his clutches onto my back. I moved my fingers to his nipple... taking it between my fingers and rolling it... all the while he kept fucking me.

"Make yourself cum", he ordered... and so my free hand found itself rubbing my clit... bringing myself quickly to orgasm at his command- my cunt tightening around him.

"Pinch your clit now... until I cum", he once more directed. I made no point of protesting... I knew that I had no fight in me. So I took the tiny bud in between my fingers and pinched. I could feel my muscles tighten around his cock again... all the while he moved in and out. His finish was not far off... and I was right... moments later his body shuddered... his seed spilling into me.

I hooked my leg aroud his back... pulling him deep inside as he pulsed into me... then let go of my clit... enjoying the product of our desire. Soon he slid out of me... and I curled into him... smiling.

disecting need

Where does the need for pain come from? How does one recognize that need inside themselves?

I can honestly say... I do not know where my need comes from.. or if there is even a reason why I am the way I am. I know a lot of people tend to say that devious wants come from a history of some sort of abuse.... but for me.. I had wanted that (just maybe not realized it) before I ever had an abusive relationship.

Growing up.. I can honestly only remember a handful of times I was spanked. I was a willful child... and generally got whatever I wanted. There was few to no rules in my house.. and I frequently boasted about this... that "I could do whatever I wanted". I ruled my house.. and I knew it. No was really not something I was told.

Whether or not that was a good thing... well.. I know it wasn't a good thing, but had I been in an environment in which there was structure... would I be who I am now? Probably not. I mean.. I did not turn out that bad, but I certainly could have.

I went from that life.. to a life filled with a lot of pain... not a good pain. My first real relationship was with a man that felt the need to hit me. Usually when we would fight. I am a strong willed girl... and easily am angered by some people. This, of course, lead to a lot of very unpleasant... tear filled moments.

But even though I endured physical abuse.. I still longed to feel a man's dominance over me sexually. It seems kind of weird to me.. that the idea of it would send me screaming in the other direction. Deep down I guess I know that being dominated I'm not being hurt in a negative way.. and perhaps that is the key here.

Still though, that does not answer where it began... what moment began that addiction? Or maybe.. just maybe it was not environmental induced. Perhaps it is just the way my mind and body are wired... that it is just as much a part of me as my eyes being brown.

Whatever the origin.... it is highly enriching... and brings me much pleasure. So.... it cannot be a bad thing.

may I have some pain with a side of blood, please

Yesterday was a particularly horny day for me... not that I'm not horny everyday but some days are worse than other. That was yesterday without any doubt... I could barely stand it. I knew I didn't have a shot in hell, though, because Ben had called on his lunch and said his back was really sore. I let that dream of sex go and gave into self fulfillment.

By the time we went to bed, I still wanted sex, of course.... but like I said, gave up on that idea. We laid next to each other talking as we always do... when the comfort of each other engulfed the room. We cuddled in silence... just enjoying being together. Out of no where Ben reached over and started gently stroking my face.

His fingers brushed my lips sending a jolt of electricity through my body. I was not sure if he was being tender or if he was initiating something. I tried to hold back.. not let the lust get the better of me.. but when he continued... I could no longer reign it in.

Soon his fingers worked their way down to my nipples... giving them hard, short tugs..... pain rushed through them. I let out a whimper and then a sigh. He got up off the bed to his knees... one hand cupped my mouth and nose.. the other.... still tweaked my nipples. He was rough... and it was hard not to scream.

At some point I got on all fours and took his cock deep into my mouth. He grabbed my ass and pulled me closer to him... getting better access to my pussy. He took handfuls of my ass and pussy and induced agony on my sex. It was almost too much to take... I went between gasping for air, whining, and working his cock over.

Finally he pulls away... satisfied with his abuse and climbed off the bed. He called me to him... so I followed and got to my knees. His cock fit perfectly back into my mouth.... he went back and forth between gentle and forceful... ordering me to not breathe until I came over and over. After I would cum, I would pull back and gasp for breath.

Satisfied with my many orgasms he asked if I was ready for him to fuck me... I let out a desperate yes. He had me get on the bed on my back and spread my legs.... then pulled me closer to where he wanted me. The tip of his cock touched my awaiting cunt.... and I let out a sigh. He glided in with ease all the way to the bottom. I reached my hands above my head.. letting him take my body however he wanted.... enjoying feeling him filling me up.

After a few strokes.. I reached down... and started making tiny circles on my clit.

"I want to feel you cum on my cock.. cum for me", he ordered.

"Hurt me", I begged... in which he happily obliged.

He took the tender folds of my pussy in his fingers... yanking on them... pinching them... making me writhe in pain. Minutes passed and I came again.... but he did not let up. Before I knew it... this sting of pain ripped through me.... and I panicked. It hurt in a different way and I tried to get away. My breathing labored.... and I wiggled... but he grabbed my arm and pushed it into my chest, calming me.

He went back to the business of fucking me... and leaving my pussy alone. It was not long after that he came... and I laid there.... feeling weak. When I gathered myself we crawled up and laid next to each other... warm from all the exercise.

We cuddled some more before he decided I had not came enough. He moved into between my legs and drove his fingers deep inside of my much used sex. I moaned happily.... knowing that it would not be long before his expert fingers worked me into a frenzy. When I got close... my fingers rushed down... to aid him in his work.

I circled the little nub quickly.. my body rigid with the impending orgasm. It was intense... I knew that it was going to be a strong one. Ben was telling me to cum over and over... and finally.... I hit my breaking point. My body shook... hard.... my breathe was ragged... intense does not describe this one. Tears came to my eyes and my chest heaved with fierce breathes.

Ben climbed up beside me.. pulling me into his chest.. comforting me... holding me close to help me compose myself. It was minutes before my labored breathing went back to normal and my trembling stopped.

Soon... and this is where we enter the TMI part... so be forewarned.... we got up to get cleaned up. He had glanced at his hand... which was coated in blood... I am not on my period. While I was doing so... the sharp pain returned. I tried hard not to cry. When we got back to the bathroom I asked Ben to look at it. I laid back, spreading my legs... fearful of what he was going to find.

He pulled the fold back.. looking deep inside.... he found a sizable cut that was bleeding. He felt terrible... and I reassured him that it was okay.. even if I was a bit freaked out. I was not made... I was more upset that the healing would take a couple days which meant... no sex.

I also had him take a picture so that I could see the laceration . It doesn't look terrible.. but it I am going to have to stay on top of keeping it clean so it doesn't get infected. Needless to say.. it is slightly painful. Having rough sex can be hazardous!

just when you least expect it

It was late... shower time.. right before bed.. our nightly ritual. We were messing around after getting washed up.. playing around with each other.... or should I say.. I was antagonizing him. I tapped him on the forehead... he retaliated by grabbing my arm and swatting my butt; not hard.. just a playful little tap. I felt a twinge.. and knew I wasn't going to stop... it would lead to more.

I did it a few more times.. and with each time.. he was more forceful... pulling my arm up higher and higher behind my back... smacking my ass a bit firmer. Before I knew it.... he had a good hold on me... pushed me up against the wall of the shower.... and started spanking me pretty hard.

I welcomed his assault... feeling the slight burn of the spanking and pulling of my arm. It was all kind of sudden.... but I was loving it... the unexpected. Within seconds I felt his fingers slide into my cunt from behind... filling me up... aggressively sliding in and out with such vigor it took my breath away.

He fingered my pussy hard and fast... not letting me catch my breath... then pulled out smacked me a few more times...before shoving me to the bottom of the tub. His cock penetrated my mouth.. and slammed into the back of my throat. He was brutal... not being easy on me.... as I gagged and fought to gain my composure. He wasn't letting up though.. not till he was ready.

Minutes passed before he left me a heaving mess. I pulled myself together... stood in the warm water for a bit longer.. then left the shower. He had already left the bathroom.. I saw him in the hall area. He glanced at me.. in a kind of cold distant glance... it was kinda strange... and kinda thrilling all at once.

I brushed my teeth and did my before bed stuff then walked into our room.

Ben stood there.. completely naked... the warm glow of a candle filling the room. He reached out for me... cupping my neck and pushing me to the ground. Once again, I found my mouth filled with his cock.... penetrating my lips and back to my throat. He was not gentle... and I adored him for that.

Before long I was bent back over the end of the bed.... him straddling my face... riding me with no abandon. There was something beyond erotic to me about it... the way it felt to be there underneath him almost as he took what he needed from me. I was a puddle without a doubt.

While he did so.. he told me to rub my pussy... make it cum he instructed... and so while he was brutally fucking my face... I was vigorously attacking my clit.... moments away from explosion.

What lay ahead for me... left my face wet with tears.... and my cunt aching for more.

Pinch me baby one more time

In the darkness of our room... laying in bed.. our bodies touching.... I felt his hand snake up my side and to my nipple. He toyed with it gently... taking the protrusion between his fingers and teasing it. I let out a little sigh at the unexpected contact.

It wasn't long before the soft handling became rough... when the rolling of my nipple became a pinch and a tug. My back bowed under the onslaught... but there was not mistaking my growing lust. As the pain shot through my body, it only made me want more... no... need more.

He took my hand and placed it on his cock... a little nudge that I should be doing something... not just laying there enjoying my treatment. I happily started to stroke as his other hand made its way to my pussy.

He dipped his fingers in slowly finding it already wet and waiting. His thumb rested on my clit.. making little circles as the other ones moved in and out taunting my hole. The other hand magically appeared down south as well... taking a grip on the tender flesh. He pinched hard and I gasped at the sudden change in pain. I have a love hate relationship with any sort of suffering surrounding my pussy.

Soon both hands were working me over... pinching and pulling... extracting any and every ounce of affliction they could. I tried hard to stay focused on my task at hand.. stroking his cock was the only thing that was keeping me where I was... and not ten feet away in agony. The funny thing about that is... if I were to flee... I would only be longing to be back... enduring what he was giving me.

He seemed quite pleased with himself.... enjoying causing such pain on his sweet little wife.

"I love hurting your pussy", he said... cocky as he could be. I felt a surge through my body that went straight to my groin.

Again, one of his hands migrated.. this time covering my nose and mouth.... I drew in a deep breath knowing what his movement meant. This time he tugged on my cunt lips really hard and a muffled scream escaped. His hand pressed down harder as I tried to compose myself under the conditions. He repeated this several times.

Soon he was pulling away from me and getting off the bed... dragging my body with him. My mouth took his waiting cock all the way in as he began to fuck my face at a steady rhythm. His hands slide down my back... lifted slightly... then slapped down on my ass. I yelped mid suck but didn't miss a beat on keeping him in my mouth.

Another slap... then another... alternating between each side... then down the middle... which I hate... I loath... and not in a good way. I cannot begin to describe how much that hurts, and I'm not sure why.

I wiggled... hoping that he would move onto other places... luckily he did.... for then. He then drug his fingertips up my back... from the base to my shoulders... scratching me with what little nails he has.... I was in heaven.... it was exactly what I needed... to take away from the discomfort of the spanking.

It was not to last long as his hand swung down on my ass again... as I cried out... him still fucking my face. Again, moving side to side... giving equal attention to each. When he tired of that he flipped me over on my back, my head hanging off the side of the bed.

He slid easily into my mouth... returning to the business of fucking my face... causing me to gag and sputter as he hit the back of my throat. Ben's fingers twisted my nipples briefly before inching down to my sopping cunt.

"Lets see if you can cum while I hurt your pussy", he said. My hand went obediently down to my clit... making circles while he tugged on my pussy lips again. I made fast little circles... knowing I was already pretty worked up. It wasn't long before my body was convulsing from the mixture of pleasure and pain... and oh what a wonderful mix it was.

He didn't let up though... he kept on. He pinched and pulled and tugged until there my face was wet with tears and begging him to stop- only for him to ask me if I really wanted him to stop. Which of course, I didn't. I wanted him to hurt me.. just as much as he wanted to.

This went on for a bit longer before he turned my body so that he could enter me... my legs draped over his shoulders. He fucked me hard as I dug my fingers into the bed... screaming out. All the while he was still torturing my flesh..... making my body bow under his touch.

It wasn't long before he was shooting his cum deep insde of me.... not long before I wrapped my legs around him to keep him from leaving.... not long before I felt so weak I could bearly crawl up to our pillows.... not long before I was wrapped in my lovers arms....

need

I need you to hurt me.... to feel the sweetness that only that pain brings me.

I need you to not care... to have the cold, stern face of a man that is after pleasure.. and that alone.

I need you to break me... to rock me to the core and leave me a crying mess.

I need you to be in control.... and ignore my pleadings... my begging to stop.

I need you to mark me.... to see the evidence of your dominance over me days later.

I need you to push me.... and keep going till you've forced me to the edge and then over.

I need you to take me places I haven't been in a while.... to remind my body that it is your's... and if you choose to inflict pain on it... you will.

I need you to have your hands about my neck..... to feel that rush of air refilling my gasping lungs.

I need you to spank me... to refocus me... to send each nerve in my body on end because of the assault.

I need you to pull my hair... to force me to be the slut you know I am.

I need you to sink your teeth into my flesh.... to make me cry out.

I need you to collar me.... to remind me of my sexuality... that submitting is what I want.. what I need... what I lust for.

I need you to take me there.... and be there to hold me when I come back.

all I have to say is.. thank goodness I STAND at work

Sooooo Ben apparently felt the need to bring back out BDSM with fury. We haven't really done much extreme stuff lately.. something that I was really missing.. as it does help keep me grounded. But what can you do? Life happens... you just have to make the effort to keep it up. I mean, I couldn't really remember the last time he flogged me. I guess I could go back through my archieves and see.. but I think that may have made me sad. I think that this whole IUD really put a big strain on us both... but anyways!

Last night... one word to describe it... WOW. It was intense and moving and grounding... well I could go on and on trying to describe it.

We had went to take a shower early in the evening... around sevenish. I had went into the bathroom to do my preshower ritual. I always make sure there are no stray hairs around my eye brows and such... so I was doing this.. when Ben came up beside me. He wrapped his arm around my neck pulling me close to him then began spanking me over and over.

Honestly, I've become soft...my tolerance for pain is not what it once was. It is amazing to me how quickly it goes away. So the blows to my ass were not comfortable to say the least, but I will tell you this.... I was wet... instantly.

Before he finished he leaned into me... growling into my ear...

"After our shower.. I'm going to whip you... hard. Now go start the shower".

I did as I was told and got into the shower. I helped wash his body.. completely turned and aching to feel him inside me. After he was done washing, he shoved me to my knees and fucked my face. When he got his fill, he left me wanting more.

I finished showering and got out.. dried off and did my after shower stuff.. hurrying so that I could actually finish before he came to drag me into the bedroom. When I entered the bedroom I went to my knees again.... taking him deep into my mouth... though this didn't last long.

He pulled me to my feet and shoved me over the bed. I felt the flogger slap against my back... hard... unforgiving. His assualt was the same.. never letting up... and for the first time ever... brought tears to my eyes. Not just the watery, welling up of tears... this was full on sobbing... and all I could think was that it hurt... and that I hoped that he would not stop.

He switched up a little and had me suck his cock while he flogged me... this time he spoke... mostly to amuse himself I'm sure.

"Know what my goals are tonight?.... Well do you?... HMMM??"

All I could say was I dunno in between having my face fucked.

"Well one is that I'm going to have you begging for more and the other is... I'm going to bruise you tonight".

This of course made me even more wet. He didn't let up... he flogged me.. my back.. my legs.. my ass... and fucked my face.. forced me to make myself cum over and over to the pain he inflicted on me. I may have been crying.. but I was in pure bliss.

Then. He stopped.. leaving the flogger on my back... and told me not to move. I made sure not to move an inch. I heard him leave the room and go into the kitchen in which he was rattling around in the drawer... I felt a sense of panic come over me... knowing that that must only mean he was after a spoon.

I was right.... he smacked me with it over and over.. which made me cry more. He later told me that he wasn't actually hitting me that hard... but it sure as hell felt like it. He hit my ass then began moving down my legs till he got to my feet. I freaked and pulled away.. falling to the ground and pulling my legs into me. Not a good idea.

He yanked me up and tossed me onto the bed again and spanked my ass hard. I wasn't going to move again. He went back to work on me with the spoon.. me crying out in agony.... it was not pleasant... but.... I would so do it again. Funny how that works.

Finally he decided to fuck me... and kept flogging me. Before I knew it... fucking my ass came into play... and he was deep inside my ass... claiming my body.

So yeah.. it was freaking amazing... and seriously.. its a good thing I don't sit at work.. that would have been interesting. I have this amazing bruise on my ass with stripes from the spoon. I do like the way it feels to have to sit.. but doing it all day would have been hard I'm sure.

Ben has never bruised me before... only left red marks... and let me tell ya.... I'm all for it!

100 posts and still sucking

This is my 100th post! It amazes me.. to say the least... here's to 100 more.

***********

Yesterday afternoon... Ben and I had laid down in bed... we dozed off a bit laying in each others arms. We were laying in the bed weird so we adjusted ourselves and curled up under the covers. I love the way his naked body feels pressed against mine.. but I'm sure that's just a given.

I laid there floating in and out of consciousness. My mind wandered as I did so.. thinking of all the things I wanted done to me. I envisioned being laid out over Ben's legs and him spanking me with my brush... for whatever reason. I could feel the stir inside of me... and moved a bit to feel his cock against the crack of my ass.

I laid there still daydreaming... occasionally moving my ass against him hoping to cause a reaction. When this didn't work out for me...I moved my hand back onto his hip and started rubbing ever so gently.

This did the trick.. I felt his cock come alive against me as he reached up and started fingering my nipple. Before I knew it... he was deep inside of me... massaging my pussy with his hardness. It felt amazing... heh.

I reached behind me and put his hand on my head.. hoping he'd get the clue and pull my hair... and what do you know.. he did. He knows me well. He pulled back.. not too hard.. and I bucked my hips against him... squeezing my pussy muscles around him.

We moved with each other.. fucking at a steady pace... enjoying each other. Before long.. I could tell the tensing in his body.. the telltale sign he was going to cum. I moved my hips against him... and started to milk his cock into my cunt.

After he was done... I curled up next to him.. back against his side.. his arm wrapped around my chest. We laid there for a bit enjoying the glow of our sex. Minutes passed and I could still feel the arousal in my body... crying out for more.

I reached over and started slowly and gently brushing my hand over his semi-hard dick. After a minute or two I could feel it coming back to life.. and he told me to make myself cum. I wrapped my hand around his cock and started to stroking as I rubbed my clit.

Ben went to work in my nipples again.. torturing them. I could feel the orgasm growing in my groin already... it wouldn't take long to push me over the edge. I worked feverishly on my pussy as I kept my stroked at a even speed on his cock (at least, I think I did).

When I felt myself teetering... I asked him to tell me.. (which means for him to tell me to cum). And he did.. several times. It was all I needed.. like a breathe to the feather sending it in the air... I was off.. floating into space.

When I came back down I got onto my knees and took his dick into my mouth... being gentle at first. Slow... warm... movements up and down. Before long the pace quickened... and I was taking him deep into the back of my mouth, hitting my throat. I massaged his balls... and used my tongue against his shaft.

The pace became very quick.... my head bobbing up and down.. his feet curled in tenseness. AND then it happened.... somehow part of the skin went between my front two teeth (and there is no gap there at all.. so I'm still not sure how it happened). The realization of what just happened slapped me in the face and I sat up quickly.. telling him how sorry I was and asking if he was ok.

He was all right... said it didn't that bad. I looked back down and saw a bulge on his cock. Tears started to whell up in my eyes... I did not like the fact I had just hurt him at all. Ben told me to come to him and wrapped his arms around me... comforting ME. Like I had been the one hurt. He kept telling me it was okay.. and I was saying that I didn't like hurting him.

Later this bulge turned purple, I think I busted a blood vessel. :-( I feel terribly about it... I have never done anything like that... I try to be so careful. I guess it goes to show.... sex can be dangerous.

We were talking after it happened...

"I could never be a Dom.. I don't like hurting people. I feel so bad about it.", I said

"Well you couldn't be one acting like you did ealier", he joked (meaning me crying).

I am happy to report, though, he is fine and says it only feels like a little scratch... thank goodness!

*****************

Let's hope in the next 100 posts this will never happen again :-)

dominance is present even when we make love... sigh :-)

I rolled over towards Ben.. it was dark.. and we were in bed for the night. I propped myself up on my elbow and leaned my face down close to him. I gently kissed his lips then rubbed noses with him. I love doing that... it feels so sweet... and intimate to me.

I used my other hand to carress his chest... and then started rubbing down his sides ever soft. I kissed him with passion but not the kind that makes you mad with lust. The passion you have for a lover... someone you care about deeply... someone you love.

After a few minutes.. I laid my head on his shoulder and continued touching him. I ran my hands all over him... this stomach.. his hips (which is my favorite part of a mans body-odd, I know!)... his legs.. the inside of his thighs.

Ben's hand roamed to my back gently stroking up and down... my back, being the most sensitive part of my body.... I felt a surge through me. I continued my attention on my husband... occasionally brushing his stiff cock.

He moved his hand up to the nape of my neck and grabbed it firmly. Even if we were being gentle... there was still a hint of dominance- which I love! With this I wrapped my hands around his dick and gently began rubbing up and down. His hips moved with my movements.

Shortly after he guided my head to his nipple. I took one into my mouth and licked it slowly, making circles around it. I could feel him get harder in my hands as I did this. He pushed me closer to his chest signaling me to suck harder.. and so I did taking it into my mouth and getting a good suction on it.

When he had enough of that he pushed my head down to his stiffness in which I took slowly into my mouth. I wanted to feel every inch slide into my wanton hole. I went to work on him... sucking him diligently. I love the way he tastes and the way he reacts to my attention. I was careful not to pick up too much speed as I wanted to draw it out.. wanted him to ache for my body... but decided to throw in a little hand action to the mix.

After a bit, he told me to ride him... which I eagerly did. I climb on top of him.. sliding down slowly feeling every inch fill me till he could not go any deeper. I let out a sigh... I took his hands in mine... and guided them to my breasts. He grabbed them gently... massaging them.... good lord it felt great.

I started bouncing up and down on him... he pinched my nipples... and I could feel an orgasm building in my body. I kept moving just right... with the mixture of his attention I knew that at any minute the flood gates would open and sure enough... it happened... I felt this rush come over me... and I came all over Ben. It. Was. Amazing.

From there I climbed off and took his dick into my mouth tasting my cum all over him. He gently fucked my face as I sucked. It was only a few minutes I was climbing back on top of him... this time facing away from him.

I bounced up and down... grabbing his legs to steady myself... working his body over. Every few movements... I'd switch it up.. and grind and grip his cock. I just could not stand it anymore... I needed him to fuck me.. and fuck me good.

I again got off him, grabbed his hand... and gave a little tug. He moved and we switched places... me laying back spreading my legs for him to fuck me. He took no time and quickly slipped into me. He hit the bottom of my pussy.. and I let out a loud moan.

I reached down and started rubbing my clit as he fucked me.... he pounded away at me... holding my legs as he did so. Again, I could feel another orgasm building... and he told me to cum for him. I rubbed a few more times... and came hard again.

Apparently it was all too much for him and he came right after me.... filling me with his cum. The good thing was... he wasn't done with me... and it seemed like it was just the beginning.

my first flogging

I had anticipated my first flogging from the moment we knew we were getting them. I could not wait to finally know what it felt like to be be whipped. I would sit and daydream about it... think about it as I fell asleep.. little did I know what I imagined would not quite be what it would truly end up being.

The two floggers came in a poster tube. I was stoked when I opened the front door and it was sitting there... waiting. I took them in and opened the container anxiously. I pulled them out... feeling the material against my skin. I felt giddy... just like a little girl in a candy store that just got the best lollipop in the place.

I put my leg out in front of me and lightly swung the leather against my skin. I shivered... loving the way it felt. I hit myself again... a little harder. I grinned and couldn't wait till Ben would be home.

I picked up my phone and texted him that they had arrived... I got a,"Yay!" back.

Waiting for him to get home seemed like it took forever. I was so anxious.. I almost could not take it. When he got home I rushed over and hugged him then hurried off to grab the off our bed. I showed them to him with such glee it's almost silly to admit.

We showered... and then had dinner. He said something about being tired.. and I felt the loom of disappointment coming over me. I tried not to get discouraged and be understanding... but it was hard.

When we finally went to bed... I got what I had wanted.

I walked into the room before him. He walked up beside me and grabbed the corner of the sheet and blanket, yanking them off the bed. He pushed me into a bending position towards the bed, my ass exposed. My heart raced with excitement as I saw him out of the corner of my eye picking up the red leather flogger.

"Is that what you want?", he asked... I replied eagerly with a yes.

He started gently... warming me up. He laid the material on my back and drug it down the length to the bottom of my spine. My whole body seemed to melt... I was already breathing heavily... feeling the wetness grow between my legs.

Slowly he started to smack my back. It felt amazing.... in a relaxing sort of way. What I really wanted was to really just jump in head first... I'm sure he was doing it the best way though. His speed and intensity deepened... to the point that with every hit my body flinched... and I let out whimpers. He hit my back... and my ass... and my legs... and all it made me want was more.

He crawled around to in front of me with his cock standing at attention.. waiting for some attention. I greedily wrapped my mouth around it.... sucking vigorously... not giving any time to warm up. Ben went back to flogging my back.... picking up a rhythm as he hit me.

He told me to rub my clit and that I did. My body was trembling with arousal.. so much so I knew that I couldn't contain it. Almost like he knew, he ordered me to cum for him. With this order an orgasm erupted through my body... but I didnt stop... nor did he... I wasn't going to let go of the intensity.

Unfortunately, Ben had other plans. He pulled away from me... and went back behind me. He slapped my back really hard with the flogger then plunged his cock deep inside of my drenched pussy. I let out a scream of relief. We began fucking each other hard... me rubbing my clit still.. him still whipping me. It was fantastic to say the least.

I'm not sure how long he fucked me... I felt like I had went to another place and time... completely focused on the the pain and pleasure that was my very being at that moment. I did feel when he left me... the emptiness, only I did not have time to linger on it... as he was still flogging me.

I cried out for him to hit me harder.. I wanted him to push me... to push me hard. So hard that I would not be able to stand when he was done with me. I wanted that so very badly. He complied... making my skin burn under the whip. By then I had orgasmed several times... Im sure the bed and floor were soaked.

And then... nothing... no whipping... for a split second. Then out of the silence he grabbed a handful of hair and buried himself deep inside me again. He tugged hard... pounding away at my body. It was intense... it was just pure raw sexual heat that was between us. I wanted him to cum as badly as I did not want him to stop.

I made a quick decision and begged for him to cum in me. A few more thrusts.... he barked at me to cum with him... another thrust... and it was like hitting a wall... that daze... that sense of disorientation. We exploded together... both our bodies trembling from the onslaught.... breath shallow... hearts racing. It could not have been more perfect.

We collapsed into bed... holding each other close. I remember snuggling up to him... his arm wrapped around me holding me close to him, knowing that I could not love him more- feeling like the most special girl in the world.

thats music to my ears

You know, it seems to me that since I stumbled across D/s that I see it in everything. Undertones of dominance and submission. I see it in movies and tv shows... I hear it in music... I see it in the way people interact.

I was driving to work this morning and was trying to find something to listen to... I rustled through my CDs and came across a burned CD that a good friend of made for me at Christmas. Admittedly I only like one song on the CD... but its a good one. I popped it in and fast forwarded to the song.



I started singing... and thinking about the words... and they just screamed submissive to me. Maybe I'm just reading into it... (which is very likely, just hearing what I want to hear)... but it just seems that way to me.

Of course it would be a male submissive... but still... submissive just the same. Its a sweet song in a strange context.... I'm not sure how I would feel if someone called me a pistol. BUT, it can totally be a good thing..... being feisty and all. I know that I can be a fireball in everyday life. *grins*

So.. hopefully you listened to it... am I crazy? I'm I hearing it right? I guess it doesn't really matter. That is one of the wonderful things about music is that it can be what you want it to be even if the artist intended it to be. I know that I personally attach myself to songs. If I hear certain songs it can transport me back to a certain time in my life.. or even one single moment.

I'm not sure if I am alone in that as well.... hopefully not... I like to think that I identify with people in my strange little ways. It's always nice to be understood.... for someone to just "get" me. Just to have those moments where they are like, "I totally know what you're talking about". Being told no, and that I'm crazy just doesn't rank high on my list (hehe).

So yeah, whatcha think? AM I crazy? (maybe just a little huh?)

and its back again

After I got out of the shower I laid horizontally across the bed trying to cool my body after the hot water. Ben was still in the bathroom shaving and brushing his teeth. When he was down he joined me in our room.. shutting the door behind him- which is always a sign a good time is in store.

He snatched off the covers... I stayed where I was... waiting to see what he had in mind. He climb on the bed and positioned himself over me. He started kissing my back and soon it quickly turned into biting. I almost purred.

Before I knew it... I was on my knees pinching my clit and squirting all over the bed. I was so wet I could barely stand it. When he finally got around to fucking me... he slid in with such ease... was amazing.

It's been a while but the whole thing had vibe to it that I haven't felt in a while. I felt his domination over me again... it was amazing.

Still its not the hardcore fuck that I really need... but I have a feeling that will be happening again in the near future.

(Sorry for the short post today, btw. Just not feeling a long worded one today.)

wonder

"Do you actually like regular sex?", I questioned him. This was the man who introduced me to BDSM. I remember that question so clearly, like it was just yesterday, although, it wasn't. At the time I did not understand how bondage could completely consume one's thoughts and shape who they are really. I tried to understand, I really did.

His answer was yes. He explained it all to me... and I understood him... not the concept. It's funny how time has a way of skewing someone's perceptions. How it can make you start to ask yourself the same question. How it can make you question yourself about when this change happened from only having urges for kink to it totally consuming who you are.

Driving home from work yesterday... I really did look at this in myself. Wondered when I had become to engulfed with domination... the longing for it. I feel restless right now... for the lack of domination in our sex. It kind of concerns me to be honest. Why does this hold onto me so tightly and affect my emotions?

I do like "regular" sex very much. I still enjoy it and still yearn for it. But deep down inside I want the domination much more. I need it. I need to feel his power over me... but only in our sex. Outside the bedroom... life is still just wonderful... I am still happily in love with him.

I know I'm being irrational for being moody for the lack- well not moody but sadness more or less- of kink as of late. I know that life has been busy.. and we're both tired... but just because I'm tired doesn't mean that I forget about my sexual urges.. they certainly don't go away. Kink does tend to take more energy... its more draining.. but the reward of the exerted energy is amazing.

I've told Ben that I'm missing that part of our relationship... he understands and misses it as well. He told me he will make it up to me.... which I cannot wait for! *grins* Last night was a little sample. I fell asleep a happy girl last night.... freshly fucked, eyes damp from having my body pushed.

Still though, it wasn't way long as we had to get up this morning for work... and so it almost satisfied my craving.... Im hoping by this weekend... I'll feel like my sex life is back in balance. :-)