this girl's life

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"Do you actually like regular sex?", I questioned him. This was the man who introduced me to BDSM. I remember that question so clearly, like it was just yesterday, although, it wasn't. At the time I did not understand how bondage could completely consume one's thoughts and shape who they are really. I tried to understand, I really did.

His answer was yes. He explained it all to me... and I understood him... not the concept. It's funny how time has a way of skewing someone's perceptions. How it can make you start to ask yourself the same question. How it can make you question yourself about when this change happened from only having urges for kink to it totally consuming who you are.

Driving home from work yesterday... I really did look at this in myself. Wondered when I had become to engulfed with domination... the longing for it. I feel restless right now... for the lack of domination in our sex. It kind of concerns me to be honest. Why does this hold onto me so tightly and affect my emotions?

I do like "regular" sex very much. I still enjoy it and still yearn for it. But deep down inside I want the domination much more. I need it. I need to feel his power over me... but only in our sex. Outside the bedroom... life is still just wonderful... I am still happily in love with him.

I know I'm being irrational for being moody for the lack- well not moody but sadness more or less- of kink as of late. I know that life has been busy.. and we're both tired... but just because I'm tired doesn't mean that I forget about my sexual urges.. they certainly don't go away. Kink does tend to take more energy... its more draining.. but the reward of the exerted energy is amazing.

I've told Ben that I'm missing that part of our relationship... he understands and misses it as well. He told me he will make it up to me.... which I cannot wait for! *grins* Last night was a little sample. I fell asleep a happy girl last night.... freshly fucked, eyes damp from having my body pushed.

Still though, it wasn't way long as we had to get up this morning for work... and so it almost satisfied my craving.... Im hoping by this weekend... I'll feel like my sex life is back in balance. :-)