four weeks

We watched Seven Pounds with Will Smith in it last night. I have to say, this is one of the saddest movies I have seen in a very long time. The premise of the movie was different... but definitely something different.

In the movie, Will Smith meets a woman who is terminally ill. She has chronic heart failure and is given four to six weeks to live.

After we watched it (and I cried.. hard)... we headed to bed. The wheels in my head started to turn. What if I was told I only had four weeks to live? What would I do? How would I live the last thirty days of my life?

I mulled over things in my head... and found myself over come with emotion at this. All the things I would miss... birthdays.. weddings.. holidays.... what to pick and choose... what is most important... ran around inside my skull.. doing a little tap dance on my heart.

So here's what I came up with.. in no particular order.

write letters to my girls for special occasions... milestone birthdays.. wedding days.. graduations
write good bye letters to all that I hold dear
spend an afternoon with each of the girls just one at a time.. doing whatever they wanted
go do a complete spa treatment
spend a full day in bed with Ben... having sex.. laughing.. cuddling.. and Im sure crying
go to the coast.. see the ocean one last time
have a full family bbq
watch the sunset
stay up all night and watch the sunrise
quit my job
get a family portrait done
eat at my favorite restaurant
doing a weekend in Vegas.. renew our vows
throw a birthday party for the girls
take a long hot bath with candles.. the radio... and Ben
go for a drive in the mountains
visit one place I've never seen before.. like Vancouver, BC
spend one whole day watching movies
spend one whole day outside... soaking up the sun
sleep till noon one day and not feel guilty about it


When all is said and done... it really amazes me just what things I love to do.. did not make the list. The simple things are the things that are most important... but in the same thought.. they aren't so simple. I hope upon hopes that I never am faced with that knowledge... that my days are numbered. It would be the single most scary thing I've ever endured.

I want a life filled with lots of years ahead of me... filled with my family... and my friends. I want to grow old next to my husband and watch my children grow... and have children of their own. My heart goes out to anyone that has experienced something like that... it is terribly heart breaking.. no words do it justice.