just a quick one

So we made it to Anaheim this afternoon... after a very long seventeen hour road trip with four kids. It was not nearly as bad as it sounds.. the kids were SO good... and we did not hear "are we there yet" once. That was very nice. Needless to say.. I only got like maybe two hours of sleep and so we're pretty tired.

I do have a bit of guilt for being here right now.. even though everyone has told me not to. I got a call about my sister when we were two hours away from the house. Apparently she had started hemorrhaging.. they think she got an infection. During her surgery I guess they took more than they needed for the biopsy... which they think caused the infection.

This morning I called to check on her... and turns out they had to do an emergency hysterectomy. She is very drugged up right now and has to stay in the hospital... but she should be just fine. I was told not to tell her kids... they all want to let the kids have a good vacation and not worry about something they can't do anything about. And so... I will keep quiet.. and hope they will not be upset with me for keeping it to myself as promised.

So that's that. We are here at the house we rented... kids are back in the pool.. cause its WARM! We'll be going to Disney tomorrow... so I'm sure this will most likely be the last post until I get back home (maybe).

Have a good week!

the ghosts of my past

My father was a drunk.

As far back as I can remember... he drank... sometimes to excess... but certainly every single day of the end of his life.

Apparently... he was not always like this... my half brothers tell a story of a very different man. A man whom was the stand up type... someone you would look up to. A good family man... a preacher... and somewhere... somehow.. that all changed. No one has ever told me why... and perhaps... no one ever really knew why... except him. My Dad was tight lipped about all things in his past. Now that he is gone... all that is left is the questions... that will never have answers.

When I was born, my Dad was in his 50's already... his life more than half over. I'm not sure why he felt the need to have another child... perhaps I was an opps... I would not doubt that for a moment. I don't know if my parents married before or after the revelation of my impending birth... but either way... they married.

I remember being four. My Mom had went to the store to pick something up.. leaving me with him. He had been drinking... a poor choice in my opinion to leave a little girl with a drunken person.. parent or not. At the time my only friend was my very older cousin's dog. He and I went everywhere together.

Dad went into the house to go to the bathroom... leaving me outside. I, of course, wandered off into the woods following my "friend" into the depths of the swamp. I remember being knee deep in water... scared and crying because the dog had taken off faster than I could keep up... and so.. I was lost.

At some point I was found... and of course... punished. This my friends... is my earliest memories.. having my ass beat by my drunken father... because he was too gone to make sure I followed him into the house. Nice. Granted, I shouldn't have wandered off... but I was FOUR. I still hold a bit of resentment for that.... probably always will.

There are stories just like that littered throughout my childhood. When I became old enough to fight back... I did. My mother surely never stood up for me.. even when I was right. She just "wanted to stay out of it". It was not a very fun environment to grow up in to say the least.

I remember when he moved out of the house and into a camper trailer on our land.... how he would never work... and how he would spend hours laying in bed doing crosswords and smoking with lines of empty beer cans against the bed. In all of my memories... few are good ones of him.

This man drank till the day he died.. literally. He had drank for so many years of his life.. that he could not go a day without at least one drink... it was sad really... I couldn't help but feel sorry for him and resentful all in the same thought. I never really got why I deserved the father that was cut off from the world.. and why my brothers... had a Dad that was always there for them.

And now.. I'm an adult... shouldering the ghosts of my past... realizing the damage his drinking did in my life. How when Ben drinks... it upsets me... not because he's an ass... or hurts me.. quite the opposite.. he is a funny drinker. But subconsciously... I feel this... I don't know how to describe it... perhaps its bitterness... or maybe even fear. I know deep down that Ben is not going to be like my Dad.... he would never put me through having a drunk as a husband. However... I just hate when he drinks.. for no good reason. It is so far and few between.... and yet... it just eats me up inside. I'm fairly certain that is why I can only stomach one or two drinks now.... or why I was never really a partier.

It's amazing the scars we leave on our children.... it makes me fearful of the ones I will leave on mine. No matter how wonderful a parent.. there is bound to be something... some impression that you leave on them... that is not a good one. One thing is for sure... I will never have them live through the horrors of a drunken parent... no way.

road trip games

So I'm researching road trip games for us to play to keep the kids occupied on top of the movies we're bringing.. and I stumbled across this beauty... enjoy!

my cracker

It was night... we were showering to get ready for bed. We were joking around... playing. He taped me on my face gently and I pretended to be shocked.

"I'm not afraid of you hoopty", I said with a grin on my face.

"Do you even know what hoopty means?", he asked amused. I pondered it just for a moment.

"All right, then... I'm not afraid of you cracka", I giggled, "yep, that's right... you're my saltine cracker... just a little salty."

We joked a bit more and finished our shower in which he got out first... like usual. While he was still at the sink... I laughed to myself.

"Actually babe, you're not a saltine....you're a Ritz cracker."

"Why is that? Because I'm small and round?" he joked. (He isn't small and round in my opinion. He is short by guy standards.. but still taller than me... and has a little bit of a belly... but I see it as more of him to snuggle up to).

I laughed heartily... he truly cracks me up sometimes.

"No, I was thinking more along the lines of that you're sweet.", I smiled.

"Well, mine was funnier.", he smirked.

update on my sister

My sister had surgery on Thursday to remove the bulk of the cancer. They will be doing surgery again in May to get the rest of it. So this means... in a few months she will be cancer free.. that is a wonderful thing!

She made it through the surgery all right... just sore as all get out. I saw her yesterday and she's looking really good for just having a major operation several days before. She was supposed to go back to work today... I need to text her and see if she made it in or not.

So to say we are all relived is an understatement. I'm glad they could get it... I couldn't imagine if she had to under go chemo. I'm thankful she won't have to experience that.

sex rant

Yesterday I was reading over the AOL news... and I opened a story that lead me to another link. It was asking... how much sex is enough? I, of course, being the curious girl that I am... began reading. For me.. I really don't think there is a such thing as TOO much sex.. but that's just me. We all know how sex crazed I can be.

I read along.. this short snippet.. and came across this little jewel....

"Ugh too much sex is when I just want to watch MTV reruns after working all day and my boyfriend is hounding me to get into bed with him. But I guess I'd say enough sex is two times a week, if I'm feeling generous." -- Sam, 26

Ok... ahem... just how do I be nice about about this.. without seeming like a complete bitch.... okay.. there isn't a way....

IF I'M FEELING GENEROUS!?!? Are you freaking kidding me? I hate, hate women like this... that act as though they are doing their guy a favor. Please, by all means.. do him a REAL favor and LEAVE. Hopefully after that he will smarten up and find a real woman... that desires him.

I am just floored by this... I just cannot by any means figure out why anyone would feel this way. I mean, no, sex is not the only thing going on in a relationship.. but it is part of it... and if you think you're going out of your way by having sex with said boyfriend... perhaps... my dear.. you have a problem.

I know that there are women that don't care for sex. Something bad has happened to them or they just plain don't enjoy it. I really think that a person that doesn't enjoy sex.. ever... has some hold ups in their past... be it abuse... mental or physical. I am not trying to say I know every thing... and that allllll women can be fit into this... I know better than that. I'm just saying... sex is a wonderful thing... it is meant to be a good and fun thing... and to not enjoy it.. well... seems like a crime. It's certainly a shame.

I know personally that I love sex... especially sex with my husband. I could have sex everyday.. and still want more of him. It's how I am... I could not imagine feeling like he's lucky that I allowed him to have sex with me. Please... give me a break. Most of the time he is the one beating me off with a stick... (heh.. something I might like lol).

I dunno.. but this just made me see red... that poor boyfriend of hers... he's a sucker. Maybe I'm wrong here... but its how I feel... plain and simple.

Sugasm #161

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #162? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
The Balance of Power
“A wave of lust coursed through her body at his words”

Betrayal
“What’s this? Evidence of pleasure?”

Secret signals
“I will adore him for it”

Sugasm Editor
Not An Overnight

Editor’s Choice
The Ghost of Abuse

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
The Ass
I forgot
Let the Catfighting Begin
Question #5
My Heart is my Strongest Muscle
No Woman
Owning Slut. Confession #239
Want

Sex Advice
Improving Male Orgasm

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Betty in white stockings
The Blue
Delicate Curves -HNT

Sex News, Reviews, and Interviews
20 Questions with Jiz Lee
Blowjob FAIL - the Blowguard
Hysteria and the Hitachi Magic Wand
Industrial Pleasures - the Hitachi Wand
Interview with Daniel Bergner, author of “The Other Side of Desire”
LELO Liv (And Hot Hunk Hugh Jackman Pix)
Sex Toy Review: Go Ringo Cock Ring

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Blindfolded, in a dark forest
Crowded Elevator
How I Became One Groupie’s Real-Life Guitar Hero
Instant Messaging Fun! #1
Oxygen
The Scent Of A Woman
She almost killed me
Sick Day, Part 2
A Sweet and Dirty Love Fuck Story or The Librarian and the Writer
Video Nasty
Watching Girls III, Strike a Pose
What we did on Valentine’s Day

BDSM & Fetish
Diary of a Futa (part 6)
Dream (100 words)
An Enigmatic Angel Returns
On display - Moroccan fantasy 2
Passion
So where’s the missus?
To be or not to be
A weekend with Miss Susan - My version

The big D.

SO... its vacation time again.. is upon us.. in count them... ten days! I cannot wait to get the heck out of here and not have to work! We are doing something that I've always wanted to do with the kids but wanted to make sure they were old enough to enjoy and hopefully remember some of it.

We. Are. Going. To...... Disneyland!

I have to tell you... I'm not quite as excited as the girls are... but damn near it. I've been to Disneyworld when I was a kid.. but never Disneyland.. so it will be a first for us all. We're bringing along our niece and nephew again... which should be pretty fun.

The only thing I'm worried about is my sanity... we're driving. It's a seventeen hour drive. We are paying for the niece and nephew's way and so plane tickets for six people add up real quick... so we made a decision to use that money for spending instead and just drive... we may later regret that decision.

This will be the first really long road trip we've went on as a family. The beach trip from the summer was a three hour drive. So it was a mini road trip... this will be something all together different. I've put a lot of thought into it... and hopefully I have enough activities and such to keep them busy... along with the DVD player. And even though they will have all this stuff... I know I will hear.. "Are we there yet?" about a million times. BUT... that's okay.. I am prepared for it.. or as prepared as I'm going to be.

So this trip has been eight months in the making... and I'm so excited that it's here. I wish we were leaving now! What I'm hoping for is nice weather.. like warm.. feel the sun on my face...wear shorts weather. I keep checking the extended forecast and it changes everyday. I want to be able to go swimming in the house's pool damn it! I don't think that is too much to ask for!

See... I am cursed when it comes to weather and traveling.. and I will break it down for you. (Granted, there have been trips to Vegas and Canada in between that have not had this issue... but still)

June 2005- I went on a cruise.... Baja Mexico area... out of LA. No one bothered to tell me that they have June gloom.... it was overcast, windy, and chilly the whole time. So much for swimming.
August 2008- Our beach trip...we picked August hoping to get the best weather of the year... the week before we went.. it was beautiful, hot weather... we go... and we get winter storm type weather.. overcast, rainy, and extreme winds.
October 2008- I go to Hawaii.... its overcast practically the whole time... I think the sun came out for like five hours the whole six days I was there... talk about being bummed... its supposed to be sunny in Hawaii!

So I check everyday... and hope as we get closer.. that the numbers will be high and that there will be sun. I just hope that the nasty cold, rainy weather doesn't follow... please....

I've been a good girl :-)

And there we have it ladies and gents...

So its very strange to me that after Sylvanus asked his question... that I get my answers... weird how that works.

Back in December... I had someone contact me from my past. After months of not hearing anything again, he messaged me back. Apparently he is married now and getting... unmarried (his word.. not mine). So I ask... what in the world was he sorry for? I mean.. people drift apart.. he owed me anything. I mean.. it was very sad it happened.. but its not like my world ended.. or that I was heartbroken for months or even years to come.

This is what I got back:

Married and working on becoming unmarried. I am sorry because of the emotional conflicts I was dealing with that I didn't fully disclose to you during the time we related. You made a difference in my life when I needed it, and I don't feel I returned your friendship properly. Six years in one paragraph. After we parted ways, I discovered I was eligible for a training program, and returned to college to finish up a degree in accounting. I married a woman who was a former coworker at Boeing, and who was laid off right about the time that I was. We spent the last 6 years together, and she went back to work at Boeing. She took a temporary job in Arizona, and while we were separated, we kind of well, separated. How bout you?

Ok... so great.. he apologized for misleading me? The thing is... why after all this time? What does it matter? Maybe to clear his conscience? Part of me wonders that he kind of hoped that we could see each other again.. which of course will no happen.

AND part of me wonders at the time he was holding back from me... because I was completely upfront with him about my life situation. Perhaps that's why he apologized... knowing that he wasn't up front with me. Either way.. it's nice to hear from him. It is too bad that his life did not go as well as mine has... all people to should get their chance at happiness in my opinion.

So there ya have it... a conclusion to the mystery.

need

I need you to hurt me.... to feel the sweetness that only that pain brings me.

I need you to not care... to have the cold, stern face of a man that is after pleasure.. and that alone.

I need you to break me... to rock me to the core and leave me a crying mess.

I need you to be in control.... and ignore my pleadings... my begging to stop.

I need you to mark me.... to see the evidence of your dominance over me days later.

I need you to push me.... and keep going till you've forced me to the edge and then over.

I need you to take me places I haven't been in a while.... to remind my body that it is your's... and if you choose to inflict pain on it... you will.

I need you to have your hands about my neck..... to feel that rush of air refilling my gasping lungs.

I need you to spank me... to refocus me... to send each nerve in my body on end because of the assault.

I need you to pull my hair... to force me to be the slut you know I am.

I need you to sink your teeth into my flesh.... to make me cry out.

I need you to collar me.... to remind me of my sexuality... that submitting is what I want.. what I need... what I lust for.

I need you to take me there.... and be there to hold me when I come back.

sweet release

I spent all afternoon yesterday... lusting after my husband. As a result, by the time he got home... I was a ball of arousal. I greeted him when he walked in the door as always, kissing and hugging him. What I wanted to do is rape him *evil grin*

I followed him to our bedroom so he could change out of his work clothes. I pulled him down onto the bed when he changed and kissed him more. Slow and gentle kisses... I wanted to feel the whole thing. It lasted a short time and he wanted to go get something to drink.

We walked together... arms around each other kissing as we walked to the kitchen. He had said he was hungry though... and where I didn't want to give up easily... I also did not want to deny food to him after a twelve hour day at work.

He pulled a beer out of the fridge and I started to get dinner started when he said he just wanted to relax with me for a bit first. I saw this as my chance and seized the moment. Walking up to him my arms reached around his waist and hugged him tight. His scent was intoxicating.... and I found my lips on his neck in no time.

I was met with no resistance and so I worked my way around his neck then pulled his shirt to the side exposing his collar bone. I lavished my attention in his flesh... as I got the reaction I wanted so badly.

His hand dove into the back of my jammie pants as he dug his fingers into the soft flesh of my ass. The other hand headed north, grazing the side of my breast... sending shock waves through my body straight to my pussy.

Soon his hand wandered around to my stomach and down. His fingers dipped into my dripping cunt and found my clit with such ease. My knees went weak with the firm circles he made. I leaned against him... managing to keep myself standing as he worked me over. It seemed like less than a minute before I was rocked by an intense orgasm that left my pants wet.

We kissed deep and passionately.... as he lead me back to our room. Once there, clothes went flying... and before we knew it... our naked bodies were once again reunited. We sleep naked next to each other every night... but there is something so wonderful about the carnal feeling of skin on skin during a sexual encounter. In my head I remarked to myself just how much I missed feeling his skin against mine in that way... even if only a week had passed.

Our feverous embrass was ended by him pushing me to my knees. I took his member into my mouth slowly... feeling every inch enter my mouth. This slow pace lasted just seconds before he started to fuck my face.

"Touch your clit", he ordered... and I happily obliged him. With my free hand I cupped his balls.... gently massaging them. I stroked my clit with vigor... wanting to feel the release he had given me just minutes before. The thing is.... that's what he wanted too.... and I wasn't getting up till I did.

When I finally came again.... he pulled me to my feet... and was about to turn me around to take me from behind when I climbed on the bed. I took his hand in mine and laid back... legs spread... welcoming him into me.

Ben grabbed onto my legs and with one smooth motion slide his cock deep into me. I was worried it was going to hurt a bit... being the way I've been feeling... but it was that same wonderful fullness that its always been. Thus, the worry melted away... and I was completely in the here in now.

My hands roamed his upper body.... moans and sighs escaping me. All the while he was pounding away at my pussy... filling me up. After a bit he pulled away and I flipped around onto my hands and knees. The head of his cock pressed against me and I pushed back, empailing myself.

I kept rocking back and forth with him... flexing my kagel muscles.... determined to push him over the edge. The result was pushing ME over the edge instead... but I held on... I wanted.... no needed to feel him cum in me again.

His movements become erratic.... and I know that his climax is not in the far off future. With this knowlege... I vigorously fuck him back... panting between screams. And then.... his body jerks... spilling his seed into me. I push back into him.... wanting to milk him dry before we collapse in each others arms... a huge smile on my face.

After we caught our breath... my head on his chest... I sighed.... "I missed that SO much".

"Me too baby, me too."

Q&A Month

I got a question from Sylvanus.

Did you ever find out what Chris apologized for?

That would be a big fat no. I'm sure I will never know... and well.. that's okay. I won't lose sleep over it... even if it would be nice to find out. But thanks for asking :-) I had actually forgot about that.

*** Update***

This morning.. I got a message from him... its as follows.

"Been some ups, been some downs, career is successful, marriage deplorably unsuccessful. Wow, has it been three months since I logged on...wow tax seasons are rough."

Still no answer why he apologized.. strange. I had no idea he even got married.. but then again.. its been.. what? Six years.

gifted

When I go to bed at night and am laying there before I fall asleep... I tend to think. I think about things I want to do the next day... or about our next vacation... something that is bothering me.. what have you. Last night I was laying there... and at first my mind was on the fact that I wanted sex and yet my body was not wanting to go along with this. I'm very much not happy about it.. but between us... I think it is time to change that tonight *grins*

Anyways.. back to what I was trying to start talking about.

So I'm laying there and I decided it was not good to frustrate myself further. My mind wandered to various things till it finally came to rest on something that isn't always in the fore front of my mind. All my life I have wanted to be exceptionally good at something... anything. (Not sexual). No matter how hard I've worked at something.... I have never achieved that status.

As far back as I can remember, I have wanted to be a good singer.... well not just good but a great singer that can wow people with just a sound out of my mouth. When I was a little girl, my mother told me that I would go out and sing to the cows. We lived next to my Dad's cousin's farm... and so I would go out there and sit and sing. I don't remember this... but I know it must be true.

Hell, the most prominent picture from my childhood that comes to my mind is one that I am pretend singing in. I believe I was around four. I was standing on my bed... all my stuffed animals around the perimeter as my audience. I had my "microphone".... or jump rope as it sometimes was.... cute little thing.. in shorts and a tank top... curly brown hair... singing my heart out.

So it has always been a love of mine... and honestly, I'm a decent singer... but by no means will I be going to stand in the audition line for American Idol. Even if I were as good as I wanted... I wouldn't even have the nerve to do that. But that's a different story.

Which brings me to another thing I wish I was good at. Photography. Now see... I think this is something you are born with... the eye of an artist.. that can see the world as he or she portrays in the picture. I just don't have that in me... and I so wish I did. I drool over amazing pictures and wish that I have a tenth of their talent. It doesn't matter how many classes I could take.. I will never have that eye for it.

And now I sit and think back at all the things I tried as I grew up... softball... band....writing... and I just never hit that amazing mark. I realize that we are our own worst critic... but I feel its more realistic than anything. I mean, I pride myself in my job... I think I'm good at it. People tell me that I am. BUT.... could I but out a perfectly intricate fondant wedding cake? Not a chance. I could come close... but I will never be the artist that I want to be.

I'm not saying I won't continue trying... because I will... because its something that I want. I guess what it comes down to... is that I just don't want to be average... I want to be something more... and I'm just not sure that I know how to do that.

well maybe I ended that chapter too soon...

So... just when I thought things were getting back on track... well... no I was wrong. Seems that the IUD insertion caused an infection. The doctor said I should be feeling better within 24 hours of it being put in... and here it was... Monday. and now today... I was still feeling all crampy. Today was the worst though.

So I called the doctor up... and he put me on antibiotics. Seriously... I just want this to be over! I just ugh... I'm wondering if its going to end up coming out again... and if so... just what will I do for BC then?

It just seems to be one thing after another... and I say this because I received some very upsetting news this morning after I talked with the doctor. My sister called me and told me that she found out that she has cervical cancer. This really does make my troubles seem so very small.

My sister can be obnoxious... opinionated... overbearing... but I love her. She's a cool person and I hate to see this happen to her. I don't know what I'd do if we lost her... I really don't want to think that... we don't know the the extent of it just yet. It's just hard not to think about that... and I know its in the back of her mind as well.

All I can do is hope that they can get it and she will be ok. She has two children, they are not very young... but they still not adults either. Children should never have to lose a parent at such a young age.

So yeah, I'm going to hope for the best. We need the best.

quick update

Well guys and girls... we have an IUD again... thank goodness! It was a lot more painful being put in than the last two times... but hopefully that is a good sign. It sucked that it hurt and so I was grumpy most of yesterday. I feel much better mood and pain wise today. I think I owe a lot of that to knowing that things are going back on track and that little bit of stress will be gone as soon as I readjust to the hormones.

So there ya have it.. another chapter in my story done.. on to another. I know how happy Ben must be about it.... me and my craziness. That man has to love me to put up with some of the mood swings I've had as of late. It's really weird how I could see myself being crazy but just couldn't stop. It, of course, was short lived... but just really irritating to us both.

It will just be nice to be able to focus on something else other than the limbo we were in. So its a happy day for sure.

Sugasm #160

This Week’s Picks
He beats me
“I bite my lip in anticipation as I follow his direction.”

Jerking Off: You’re doing it wrong!
“However, I’m in it now. And I need it.”

Love Languages
“How do I best show my love?”

Sugasm Editor
Faking A Four Way

Editor’s Choice
Sugarbutch Star: Matt (part 1)

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

BDSM & Fetish
BDSM Casino party RULED
Fine Art 104
Fucking little bitch
High School Bully Part 2
Nasty little green shit
Turning Up The Heat
Western fantasy - part 9 (learning to eat pussy)

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Baker’s Dozen
The Birthday Present
Camera Shy, Part 2
Catalina loves Hot Surprise Sex
Different
An Evening with Britney Brighton
Fight
Good girl
A Hot Race On Slicks
The Rossebuurt Gap Year: Until Dawn
Seven Minutes
Sick Day, Part 1
Sofa lust

Sex News, Review, and Interviews
20 Questions With Madison Young
Feature: Courtney Trouble of NoFauxxx
Racism(?) in Interracial Porn
The real sex trade now all moving for online business in these hard times?
The Sunday Interview with Shaye Saldana from LELO
Top Five Tuesday - Adam & Eve Edition
VibeReview Fantasy: Lily vs. Silver Bullet
Why men don’t want sex anymore

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Are you pulling my leg?
A Day with G
Devilishly Demure (part lV) -HNT
Half Nekkid Thursday
Red Velvet
Threesome Sex

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
How I Am Like You
In Vino Veritas: Of bananas and Hotties
Sex in Public - Does The Thought Thrill You?
When does Fucking become Making Love?

March- the question month

This didn't work out so well for me last March... but I had a brand new blog then... this year... maybe that will change... maybe not.

Either way.. March is the question month... its really simple.. just leave me a question on here through a comment and I will be happy to answer it within reason. So all the way this month... ask away... I'd love to hear from ya!

One year!!!

So I'm a big retard.... and I knew it was coming and have been trying to keep a track of it... and some how.. I managed to miss it.

Yesterday.. my blog turned 1 year old!

I cannot believe I've been blogging this long... I really thought I'd have something more monumental to say, but I don't. So yeah...

a glimpse

The alarm goes off... snooze is it... several times. I was never a snoozer until I met Ben. I always know how many of them I can have before I truly HAVE to get up. I roll out of bed reluctantly... not wanting to leave the warm bed that I share with my husband. Lucky man, he gets to still sleep... for me it is time to start my day... and leave for work.

~~~~~~

Work is crazy... the manager had a death in the family.. and so therefore, I end up having to help bake. Diane is back at the bench baking with me... so the day is going by rather quickly. She makes a phone call to her friend who just had a baby only twelve hours earlier.

"Is he cute?", she asks.... I laugh at her... and ask her what new mother doesn't think their baby is cute? I mean.. really.

~~~~~~

Lunch has come and gone... the end of the day is approaching way too quickly work wise.. but good that I get to be going home soon. We're making cream cakes.. which in all reality all they are is oversized pudding rings. We're trying to make the process go quicker and so we're scooping the batter together.

I keep dropping some on her arm... not meaning to of course... I told her... if I really meant to... I would drop my whole handful on her.

~~~~~~~

In the car on the way home... I'm pretty tired... I worked really hard.. and honestly all I want to do is go home. I'm driving Ben's car which has a quarter tank of gas... I know the nice thing to do is to get gas for him so he doesn't have to early in the morning when its colder out.

I'm torn.. and the closer I get to gas station does not bring any decision. The internal conflict goes on until I turn into the station... I guess I'm filling up his tank.

~~~~~~~

At home its the usual family stuff. The kids being kids... trying to get dinner started.

"What are we having for dinner Momma?", the youngest asks.

"Food", I respond... just as I always do when she asks. She cocks her head to the side and give me a yeah right look.

"Just tell me", she says.

"I told you, food." She eyeballs the mean I'm preparing, "Tacoes?".

"Nope."

"Spaghetti!!!", she exclaims.. its going to be an easy dinner night for once.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Kids are finally in bed... and its time to truly relax. Ben and I are on the couch watching a show. His legs are on my lap... all kicked back and relaxed. I feel his toe brush over my nipple... I let out a sigh and close my eyes. Feels so good.

I look over at him as he stops and looks all innocent. I smile and turn back to the tv. Again I feel his toe teasing my now very hard nipple. I don't look over this time... only enjoy the sensation of his tease.

~~~~~~~~~

After our shower.. getting ready to go to sleep.. I lay across the bed... my face against the mattress. I smell him... that scent that drives me mad and turns me into a cat in heat. I just lay there and sniff (yes I'm strange like that).

"It smells like you baby", I say.

"Well who else would it smell like?", Ben asks.

"I dunno."

"You're getting my side of the bed wet", talking about the wet head that I am sporting. He grabs his pilling and puts it down on top of my head, fluffing it. And let me tell you.. this pillow is like SUPER heavy.. you could kill someone with this thing.

~~~~~~~~~

Facing each other... we touch... his hand rubbing up and down my spine. The wave of arousal washes over me and I am his... without a doubt. We kiss... not hot and heavy... but slow and intense. Our hands explore one another's body.... I'm engulfed in his every move.

His hand moves up and grasps the side of my neck... firmly. I feel the wetness grown between my legs... the twinge of need. He lets go... and adjusts his hold.... getting a good handful of of my scruff. I am in awe and in lust of him... of the power that he has over me.

Again, he readjusts... this time both his hands find their way around my neck.. cutting off my air. The rush of the lack of air comes over me and I signal him to let go.... I feel faint for a breif second... and in my head.... I hear myself ask more... more please... do it again.

~~~~~~~~~~

We're on our backs... my arm draped over his stomach. The other free hand is intertwined with his... laying there in our afterglow... the bliss that great sex brings.

"What are you thinking?", curiously I ask.

"About how good you feel in my arms"

"MMmm yes, me too."

My eyes still closed.. I sigh..., "You know baby... this is the best part of my day. Laying in bed with you.. the house is quiet... and its just us... together."

"I know what you mean... it's mine too."

~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm still unstable but I manage to roll out of bed to clean up. He meets me at the end, I smile and lean into him.... bumping our heads into each other. We chuckle, that giggle that lovers share.... that only they can... when something silly has happened, but its not ackward... it's almost sweet.

We kiss and hug... our naked bodies pressed against each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I can hear the tell-tale sign that he is drifting off to sleep. He almost always does this before me. I turn a bit... he stirs.... I tell him I love him... and good night. He, the same.

I roll over followed by my beloved and am encased in his arms... again I sigh and smile... soon I'll be asleep.