this girl's life

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I'm on the outside... and I'm looking in

I went to a Munch today.. solo as Ben had to work late and would not be able to attend. Seems like...I always come home feeling the same way. I get home and feel a bit bummed and kind of on the outside. I must say.. that the people at the Munches are awesome and I really enjoy spending time getting to know them... BUT...

I feel... like I don't belong.. that I'm not nearly as experienced as they are... and half the time have no idea what they are talking about. I have not actually tried most of what they do... and it makes me feel weird... that I have nothing to contribute. Like I'm a pretending to me something I'm not...

Like see... they are trying to organize a play party... which sounds like a ton of fun... but I don't know if I'd feel comfortable going honestly. I would be surrounded by all these people that have tons of different, more lengthy experience... and it would be really... I dunno.. uncomfortable I guess.

I dunno... I'm feeling kinda... weird about it all... kinda down.. which I don't understand. I guess when it comes down to it.. I would like to further our experience as a couple... I'm sure thats the root of this all.

I just have to remember to take baby steps as I have been doing this all longer than Ben... we go at the pace he is comfortable.. and I'm okay with that. I just want to be able to join in with all of them.. and have something to add to the conversation.. not be a bump on a log that is just there taking up space.


That's exactly how I felt my first couple of times to a munch. And my first play party was terrifying. I have almost zero experience...

It gets easier, and at the play party I went to, there was no pressure to do anything at all. So I didn't. >.>

Hope this helps a bit. :)



I can imagine just how terrifying it is... hence why Im super scared to to go. I guess we'll just have to do it... because otherwise we'll always be scared of it. The first step is the hardest huh? We'll get there at some point.