I know it's been several days since I've written anything... but there is a valid reason. I just don't know what to write about. There has not really been anything exceptional going on lately that's fun to read about. Trust me, I've wanted to write... and I will sit and think about it... wonder what to write about... some topic that I can get on my soapbox about and yet, nothing comes.
So I figured I'd write about nothing.
The weekend is fast and approaching thank goodness. We are having a poker party this weekend. I can't wait. Our poker parties are always so much fun. We drink, play cards, and eat nachos. I mean- what could be better than that?
I remember ( I think the first or second one we had- we have them usually about every month.. but haven't since May) this one poker party we had. I believe it was last October.... I had borrowed a big Gatorade cooler and made jungle juice. It had tons of alcohol in it... rum, vodka, sangria... and I think some other stuff.
Needless to say... I had to thin it up with some Sprite. I added a bottle of that I think... when all was said and done... it still ended up being 90% alcohol... 8% fruit.. and 2% Sprite. A deadly combination.
I had one cup before they got here... and I was feeling good after half the glass. I tried to convince Ben to have a quicky before they showed up... but no dice. I, of course, was disappointed.
I finished it off when his friends showed up... mine showed up shortly after. My friends and I stood in the driveway eating and drinking. I had a second glass... I guess I was talking really loud when this went down (hehe).
Soon we migrated inside and I was all sorts of torn up. The room was spinning.. and I felt really... out of it. Shortly after that.. I felt like I was going to be sick and crawled to the bathroom because walking at this point was not an option.
I spent the remainder of the evening in the bathroom not knowing how much time was passing. Ben would come and check on me periodically and see if I needed anything. At some point I went to bed.
About two hours elapsed between the first drink to me getting sick.. crazy huh? SO yeah.. I've never done that again.. and never will. This poker party won't be a repeat of that night... I actually PLAY poker now lol.
Anyways.. looks like I found something to write about.. yay! I guess all it takes is just writing sometimes.
Hopefully I'll have something a bit more sex crazed to write next time hehe.
Protected: My Latest Sexual Assault
2 days ago
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4 comments:
Sierra,
You want something to write about and I need some advice. I am relatively new to this whole blogging about sex thing and it's all because of a man I recently met who has totally turned my world upside down. It started out as flirting, but he took it to the next level -online sex-and now he's backed off a bit. I feel like everything I say recently just pushes him away. He said he liked the sex talk, that he wanted to get to know ME better (not just the sex talk) but then he said he didn't want to get too intimate, but then he turns right around and talks to me about things going on in his life...doesn't that make it personal, but lately he hasn't had "time" for sex talk, just "friendly" talk and I feel so powerless (of course he's married). I want this to continue so badly, but I feel like every time I respond to him, I babble about "personal" things and while he responds I feel like it's going from a sex thing to a friends thing and I want the sex talk and possibly more if he would ever get up the courage to really met for sex...I feel like he has all the power and I don't mind, but maybe I do, because I just wish I knew that he really wanted to continue this and wasn't just trying to slowly back away because he has gotten scared of his wife finding out or being too "intimate" with me which apparently shouldn't be how the sex talk goes with him, but I told him I could be impersonal if we continued the sex talk and instead that has dropped off but the comments and questions and daily life details continue....HELP! Am I just an idiot for thinking this guy is really attracted to me and wants some form of a sexual relationship or did I totally scare him off by wanting to be "friends w/benefits" rather than just sex talk only????? I am going to sign this anonymous, but I really want your (and Ben's) opinion if possible. If you don't want to respond in a post, but are willing to respond at all, just put something in the comments about how I can reach you for more input....I just need someone else who has more of this sexual exploration experience to tell me if I am an idiot or not and what I could possibly do to keep him interested in me.
Wow... well I feel very special that you'd come to me for advice.. makes me feel all tingly inside.
So.. to answer your question.. the best that I can anyways.
Ok... First off... you always have power unless you give that up. You are a participant in this. Remember that... you are only powerless if you let yourself be.
I've always thought that people in general are kind of funny... that we are all complicated (even though most guys would beg to differ). It would be wonderful and not so wonderful to be able to read minds. Since we can't the best thing to do is talk. Communication is key for any sort of relationship to work be it a marriage, friendship, work. I really think that you should just talk with him. See what he wants... where he is. Make sure not to judge him based off what he says (ie... he doesnt want to continue your "sex talks" or what be it).
I think it would be in both your interest to set some rules...(what to talk about and not talk about) so that no one is overstepping anywhere- so that you're on the same page. Then there will be no wondering what is going on... you will know.
Now I'm not saying this will turn out good... because honestly, he is married. But you never know the future.. all you can do is try to make it work.
If by any chance he is unwilling to talk to you about this... then honestly, he isn't worth your time and it would seem he is yanking you around... which... is not ok.
I really hope this helps you.... let me know if I can help more :-)
~Sierra~
Sierra,
Thanks for the advice-it was really good. I totally agree that if I could have a super power it would be the ability to read people's true thoughts-even if you don't always hear what you want, you at least know the truth!
Saying that, I have to be honest and say that I too am married and I never thought someone else could effect me like this. I just feel such a connection to this man, like lost souls that have found each other with our thoughts and desires.
I know that sounds trite, but I know he doesn't want to leave his wife and I don't want to leave my husband, it just seemed like he saw inside me to my true self and recognized something in himself and a mutual bond began to form...
I am glad to know more about him and yes, I want him to ask about me and want to know more about me, but honestly initially I was drawn to him because of the physical attraction, the flirting, the attention-both sides recognizing a luna moth when they see one, a truely sexual being on the inside, a night creature attracted by pheromones flitting out of the shadows into the light seeking a like minded mate.
I don't know how this will proceed or how it will end, but I do not want to break this tentative bond we have formed, but you are right we need to talk and if we have to set boundaries on what we can talk about with one another, then I will accept that if it keeps this feeling alive, because life is too short to let sexual satisfaction and in that turn emotional satisfaction slip through ones grasp when the opportunity arises.
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