It amazes me how much I have changed in the last ten years... and this post will be a testament to that. Even as little back as three years I was very not so much against open relationships... but did not think it would work for me.
I felt this way because well.... the idea of the man I am with being with someone else... well it made me kind of said... and a wee bit jealous. I had no problem with others living this way... whatever works for the was my thoughts.... but it certainly was NOT for me.
It really was not till here recently that I really began to understand the beauty of this type of relationship. Now I will say this.. Ben and I are not going to try this. However.. I can see the good in this.. and it could benefit and hinder a couple.
With that said.. this is how I feel about it. Throughout time, most cultures did not live with monogamous relationships. Some did marry but would end up having lovers on the side. I honestly am starting to believe that it was not meant for humans to be with just one partner. I think this is something our society has raised up to be believe is true and have in ground it into us so that we feel any other way of living is bad.
I think that it's just wrong to judge how someone lives their life. If you are not hurting anyone.. then how is it any of your business to tell someone that being gay is wrong.. or liking wearing women's panties is wrong?
I blame the way our society is today on religion. Though, I guess that is wrong... it's been this way for a while (but still stems from church and religion). I probably shouldn't get on that soapbox today... I feel very strongly against organized religion. I think that their core morals have something to them... (be a good person) but yeah...
I'm losing my point. Let's get back to business here. I think it's really hard to live decades of your life having sex with just one person. It's very, very difficult. I think it's possible.. obviously it's been done... but hard.
I can see lots of good things coming from this... I think in a way it could strengthen the relationship you have.. the emotional connection... because there would be complete honesty about what's happening. Then again.. if you were to make an emotional connection with someone else... it could very well go south.
I think that its work... I think that logistics would be important here and of course rules... but if Ben and I agreed to try this... I certainly would not be against anymore. Just as long as I was always his most important person... and that no one else had his heart. That.. belongs to me.
(sorry if none of this made sense... I'm thinking I didn't actually end up with a point...)
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5 comments:
I think the point was that you used to be anti-open relationship, but then realized that who are you to judge and that it has it's pros and cons, but is still not really for you because you wouldn't want Ben to "fall" for the other person but that's not to say that you don't think it's okay for other people to do. It's great that you are so in love with Ben that you don't want to share him!
This has been something me and my wife have been open to the possibility of since we started dating. We've been together 8 years now, and it's only within the last year that we've both unanimously come to the conclusion that we are finally comfortable enough to try it out. It takes a load of trust, and I honestly can't say how it will turn out, but we love each other immensely. Communication is key, in my opinion, but that's true for most relationship isseues.
As an aside, I ran across this article last week in one of the phsychology blogs I read (the one written in layman terms, lol), and it meshes very well with the point you seem to be making.
nibblybits-
Im not so much anti-open relationships.. actually I think they are a good idea. You are right... it's not for me. More power to those who can make it work... thats awesome! AANNDDD Ben feels the same way... no way no how would he share me.
Marty-
I'd love to hear how it works out for the two of you :-) And I checked out the link you left and it led me to a blank page..
Doh, sorry. http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/lust-in-paradise/200809/what-about-sexual-jealousy
is the full link.
Marty-
That article is fascinating.. thank you for sharing. I think they have a very valid point. We totally live our lives based off what our cultures dictate for us... sad.. but true. I hope that one day we will all overcome that...
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