this girl's life

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you have GOT to be kidding me

So I was talking to a friend of mine today. He is a Dom, and honestly, I'm not so sure WHY I actually talk to him. He kind of infuriates me... and well yes... he pisses me off.... frequently.

But, anyways were were texting and were talking about how his slave thinks he is distant with her and that he is never affectionate with her... that he doesn't really communicate with her. Of course, he feels the same about her... that she is cold to him. (I think that its probably the first.. but that's just my humble opinion.)

I guess that she told him that she wanted to just submit to him but that she needed certain things... love and communication. Being him, he didn't really inquire about it... basically said to watch herself. I don't know how she keeps her mouth shut... I would have freaked out a long time ago.

Guess what he tells her? Love is earned. I was floored... I told him I did not agree... that respect is earned. He didn't like that much... but too bad. I don't think for one minute that you should have to earn someone's love. No way. Love grows.... it's not a prize.

Just wow. Even know I'm in shock over it. I was so mad that he told her that. I didn't tell him that though, because obviously it isn't my place. I just feel so sad for her.... and wonder if all D/s relationships are like this.... if all slaves do not have the opportunity to share their opinions in a respectful way. I just could not even fathom that... the idea of that... that my thoughts were not worth anything. That having an opinion was not allowed.

I just cannot believe its all like that... I know too many wonderful Doms out there for that to be true... or maybe my brain just doesn't work like that... that I don't understand because I myself have not lived that way.

Who knows. But tell me... do you think that love is earned? And if you do... why do you feel that way?


No, I do not think that love is may be desired, begged for, but it is given freely. You can't "make" someone love you, even if you love them, but you can "hope" that they will eventually love you or realize how special it is to have a person love them and have that want them to love you back. Respect can and does need to be earned, but love is free floating and you can't choose who you love or how you love...sometimes you love someone so deeply and as time passes the dynamics change and while you still love them, it may be differently (especially if they become complacent in love and do not make the effort to keep it alive), and at that point someone else could walk into your life and you can feel "lust" for them that grows into "love" or you can feel a connection to them that makes you want to love them (even if you know it will hurt you in the end), but no, you can't "choose" who you love, I don't even think over time you can control "how" you love someone, it is a constaint struggle to just make the choices in love that will hopefully make you happy as well as the other person. Love and Power....the power to love someone, the power someone has to dominate that love and guide it's path, very fine lines....both which need the element of respect.


I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've never thought you have any control over love... that it just happens. The only part of that you have control over is choosing if you want to be with the person you love or not.

Thank you for responding :)


No, love is not earned. It can be shattered, but it is not earned. Respect has to be earned. But you can not help who you fall in love with. We can't always control our emotions. And love is one of the strongest emotions out there. If it has to be earned, then it isn't really love. For instance, when Coyote (my Master/Husband) is disappointed in me or I'm being punished, that doesn't mean that He doesn't love me anymore. And He surely doesn't tell me, "Okay, now you have to earn my love back." If He did I think I would lose my respect for Him. And that is when the love would be shattered.


Love is not earned.. it is grown. I had an ex boyfriend that acted like this.. yeah.. guess why he is an ex now lol.
I think there are slave relationships like these and those are the ones that make me sad.. I call them the "brain washed" slave. The Dom is just an ass and she is willing to be his quiet object. Fortunately, I have also seem many Slave relationships that are centered around love and caring.

xoxoxo mina


kitten- exactly... just because someone upset with you does not mean they no longer love you :) love is unconditional... end of story

mina- I think its terribly sad as well.. and I'm glad as well that there are loving relationships out their where the Dom embraces who his slave his and builds on that.