this girl's life

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Has it really been almost a month since my last post!? It sure doesn't seem like it. So much has been going on. May is such a busy month for my family with birthdays and get togethers. AND lets not forget about all the stress that was ever so apparent lately.

The good news is... its all over- for now. Onto busy times at work... and hopefully more peaceful, relaxing times at home. We shall see what June holds in store for us. We are working on planning our summer vacation... and its been a nightmare trying to really pin down something to do that pans out for us. I hope that soon this all works out... cause honestly, I need a vacation!

Anyway, onto other things. A couple of days ago I was IM'ing with an old, old friend from where I lived all my childhood. He and I know just about everything about each other. He came to me for advice about asking his now wife to marry him. I was honored.

So I would totally say I trust this guy... with secrets I have... or could I?

Back in the day when we met I was with my ex, but would have easily dumped him for Beau. I wouldn't have given it a second thought. This, however, did not happened and we remained friends that flirted. Nothing ever happened between the two of us.

Somehow we got onto the conversation where I told him that he probably couldn't handle me anymore. I am a million times more sexual than I was then. I have never told him about my thirst for BDSM.

For whatever reason, that day I thought it a good idea. I had put my foot in my mouth and there was no way he was going to let me off without telling him. It took a little- scratch that-a lot of courage but I finally spilled my guts.

I told him of my liking of being dominated... my love for all the stuff that the world deems kinky. He just said cool. I was kind of taken aback about it.. and questioned that answer. He said it was cool that I knew what I liked and that I lived what I wanted. I felt like I had made a good choice telling him. In the next few minutes that would change... drastically.

He asked me if we talked dirty and all... I said yes.. and mentioned my blog without actually giving him the link. I copy and pasted a tame part of one of my posts. He laughed and said, "what are you now? A romance writer?". I was so taken back by that comment. It cut deep and hurt very much.

This person I call my friend thought it was funny that I blogged about my life. I called him out on it... he said he didn't mean to hurt me.. it was not his intention, but nevertheless, I was still hurt. I just wanted to crawl under a rock.

It is hard for me to share this part of my life with people I am close to. Now it will be even harder now that I've open myself up only be hurt in the process. I realize this is the risk I take telling someone... many people don't understand why I would want to do this and so on.

I guess the real lesson I learned.. be my picky about who I share my deepest desires with- not everyone will accept you for who you are wholeheartedly.