hmmm

Men.. I tell ya.. they just don't understand sometimes. Ben had went out to get us breakfast. I was reading all my blogs that I frequent when my phone rang.. it was him. I hustled to get it scraping my leg in the process (which didn't make me very happy to begin with). I answered and he told me that his friend, Larry, was coming over to play on the WII.

Yesterday we had went to my sister's for a bbq and swimming. He had a bit to drink, no biggy, but had told me that Larry might come over... I said fine.. lets pick the house up. It wasn't nasty by any means.. just needed to be picked up.. do the few dishes that were in the sink. He didn't feel like it... he was tired and that was cool. I figured we'd have time pick up in the morning.

Back to this morning, we hadn't been up long.. so we had not done anything with the house. I, of course, was annoyed. I had fifteen minutes to make it look presentable. I vacuumed and picked up some stray stuff.. just in time to change clothes and for Ben to get back with breakfast.

He apologized.. and I told him how irritated I was.. that he could have asked Larry to come over in a hour... so we could pick up and eat breakfast. So here I sit... starving cause its just plain rude to eat in front of others. I can SMELL it... and it only makes me that much more upset.

I just don't understand why men don't always get it. I don't see why asking him to come over in a hour would have been so hard or even rude in the least bit. And lets not forget.. my leg hurts. Blah.

At what point does...

sex become an addiction? Something you crave at any given time of the day? Something that consumes your every thought? Seriously... when? Because as far back as I can remember just about any time of the day... it is there, looming in the back of my mind or in the front for that matter.

I try not to think of it all the time, I really do. I get so bummed out when we miss a day... and I feel a sense of panic when we hit the two and three day mark. It's just a reality of life that sex everyday is not going to happen. I hate that reality though.

I wouldn't consider my marriage based on sex but it plays a huge role. It's part of how we connect.. its part of what keeps me grounded. It takes away my tension and lets me focus on just us. I know that appears as though that is all I care about, which is very untrue. I enjoy the time on the couch cuddling with Ben... or out to dinner, laughing about something stupid.... or grocery shopping. Just the simple things. They all play a role.

I can't help but feel that sense of funk when I go without sex. It's just who I am. I mean, it's not my fault that I'm so attracted to him... that when I look at him... I melt... my body aches at just a simple glance from him. I just can't help that I want him all the time.... just like a drug.

Hi, my name is Sierra.. and I'm addicted to sex with my husband. I'm addicted to him period. It's been twelve hours since we had sex, and honestly, I want to go in there right now and ravish him.

Somehow, I doubt that I'm alone in this.

playtime is always a fun time

I had yesterday off and was very happy to see Ben when he got home. We are always kind of silly with each other when we first see each other. I wrapped my arms around his neck and barraged him with kisses. He asked if I wanted to take a shower... I was completely up for that.

So we got into the shower and my silliness did not end there. I grabbed one of his nipples in my fingers and asked him if that was an on switch. I smiled sweetly. He just laughed and said he didn't know. I let go and started washing my hair.

My eyes were closed when I felt a tug on one of my nipples. I felt a surge of lust throughout my whole body and let out a tiny sigh. I rested my hand on his chest and opened my eyes... our eyes locked in an intense stare.

"Apparently it is an on switch for something", he said looking down... I giggled.

He grabbed my nipple again and pinched hard. My knees went weak and I started to breathe heavily. He grabbed the other one... intently staring at me as I moaned. I could feel the warmth grow between my legs. The pain shot through my chest... a good pain.

Finally he released them and I almost fell against him. His fingers slide around the back of my head and pulled me to his lips, kissing me ever so passionately. The throbbing in my pussy was almost more than I could bear... I just wanted to feel him inside of me.

Our kiss broke and he pushed me to my knees. I hungrily took his cock in my mouth. He pounded my face making me gag and gasp for air. I loved every minute of it. His fingers were weaved in my hair tug my head to meet his movements.

Ben pulled me back and shoved my face in his balls making me suck them. He stroked his cock with his free hand and then shoved my nose into his groin cutting off my air. When I would run out of air I would struggle to get loose and breathe deep to replenish my air supply.

After this a few times.. he pulled me by my hair to kiss me again. I felt high... completely drunk from it all. He spun me around and pushed me forward. I put my hand out to catch myself just as he smacked my ass.

I felt the head of his dick slide against my ever so wet slit. I drew a breath in... wanting to so badly for him just just glide into me. He wrapped his hand around the shaft and teased my pussy with just the tip.

"Is this what you want?", he asked. I yelled out yes.. almost exasperated. He teased my wet hole still.. and told me too bad. I began to beg... all the while he relentlessly teased me.. making me ache for him. This went on for what seemed forever.

Again he smacked my ass and slammed his cock into me. It felt amazing... just as I knew it would. He pounded me a few times... yanked out, and then left the shower. I turned around just in time to see his face as he closed the curtain. To say I felt like sitting at the bottom of the tub and pouting would be putting it easily. It wasn't fair.

I finished showering and opened the curtain. I reached for my towel but before I could he grabbed my hair and pulled me out... still dripping wet. He shoved my face onto his cock and fucked my face hard. I reached up and cupped his balls while he did so being perfectly still letting him take me.

When he was done.. he again turned and walked away. I didn't move.. not sure what he wanted me to do. Did he want me to follow... to dry off.. to wait like a good girl? After a minute I decided to get up and dry off. I had only halfway done when he came in and said that was good enough.

He pushed me out of the bathroom and into our room. He stopped me in his favorite place to torture me.. the foot of our bed. He shoved me forward again and kicked my legs apart... leaving my pussy and ass exposed to his whim.

On the bed in front of me was some rope... he picked it up and lightly struck my ass. Then again.. and again... gaining strength with each strike. With every contact of the rope... my body would shake and a whimper would escape my lips.

Once again he felt the need to torment my pussy... just sticking the tip in. I begged for him to fuck me... as I moved my hips against him. I begged more... pleading just to feel him satisfy my cunt. Finally he felt I needed it bad enough- with a fist full of my hair... he pounded into me. He dug his thumb into the small of my back... screams echoing in the the room.

It didn't last long, though. He pulled out.. climbed on the bed.. pulling my body to him.

"Suck my cock", he ordered... and so I did. I took him deep in my mouth as I felt the rope slap down on my ass again. "Legs spread".

I spread them quickly and was asked if I was ready. I mumbled yes with a full mouth. I kept sucking as I felt the rope come down on my pussy lips. It hurt... very bad.. but I kept sucking. He repeated it over and over till one hit on the soft folds of my pussy.

I recoiled into a ball.. trying hard not to cry. He sat there... touched my back... waiting for me. To see what I was going to do from there. He stroked my hair as I tried hard to compose myself. Finally I managed to straighten back up and took his cock back in my mouth.

Despite the burn... I was insanely wet. I was hungry for more. I sucked like a mad woman. I wanted him to want me as bad. I wanted him not to be able to resist anymore. And soon I got just that. He pulled out of my mouth and had me turn with my ass in the air.

My pussy glided down on his hard cock and I begin riding it like there was no tomorrow.

"Rub your clit", he barked... and I did. I reached down and began rubbing.. making my pussy muscles contract. And just by doing that he was done for... filling me full of his wonderful cum.

the lifestyle

As you can probably tell, most of the blogs I read are ones written by slaves... but for sure all of them have a BDSM vibe to them. I have a deep respect for people who live that lifestyle 24/7. I think it takes a lot of commitment, strength, devotion... and so on. I honestly admire it for many reasons.

The level of communication that goes into this type of relationship is immense... and its such a wonderful thing to see. It's a true testament to how strong it can make a bond. It takes a lot to be open and honest... completely and I think it's no small task at all. I know personally its hard for me to completely open myself to another person.

There are very few things that Ben doesn't know and the things he doesn't know is just because its never been brought up. There is nothing I would not share with him.. even if I have a hard time actually voicing it.

I admire the fact that slaves so freely give themselves... that they have the confidence to give themselves over to another without knowing what the future will hold for them. I know a lot of people feel that its a lack of confidence, but after really reading about people's lives... you can see that it is quite the opposite.

And lets not forget about all the work it takes to make the lifestyle actually work. It takes a lot to keep it up... to make sure you always follow through, on both slave and Master's parts. Just thinking of it makes me drained and I really don't know how they do it everyday. I know that when I come home from work, I just want to relax... and do what I want to do. It doesn't always go that way, but that is what I want.

When slaves get home, they don't have the choice of just relaxing.. its up to the whim of another. I just can't fathom that. Like I said, an incredible amount of work and time. It just boggles my mind at times.

I know for me, being a slave would be hard. I'm not sure that I'm a strong enough person to do it. There are aspects that truly do appeal to me but when I get down to it.. I don't think I could ever consider myself the property of my husband. I see us as equals... and I am sure that would never change. I know I could not give up my will... to give up my choices.

So we will continue our path... living our lives the way we do.. happily so... and I will continue to be happy for those who can make that life work. No matter what kind of relationship you live, its work no matter what if you want to make it last.

Sometimes I hate my job

People are strange... this is no big surprise for anyone, at least I hope not! They just do the strangest things... sometimes the motivations are good ones and other times... well yeah, you get the point.

Lately I've been having a rough time at work. I haven't been very happy being there. I do go through patches like this where I am unhappy.. not necessarily because of what I do... but other things. Honestly, I love what I do.

I have a second under me... I've always gotten Sundays and Mondays off since I became the head. She, of course, doesn't like this and brings it up every week. She doesn't think its fair that she has to work Sundays alone and that she doesn't get them off.

The thing is... I never got Sundays off when I was the second.. its just the way it is. We got into a huge fight over it.... and I think this finally made her go and start complaining. On Tuesday when the schedule was written, I was told I'd get every other Sunday and Monday off now... which means... I work eight days straight every other week.

It just pisses me off some of the things people do... I mean really. I gave her everything she's ever wanted... if she wanted to take a special day off... no problem.. we make it work... she needed a special schedule... no problem... we set it up so she could have it.

I do a lot of extra stuff that she doesn't do because I'm the first.... the ONLY perk I get for it... is my days off. They are the days off I have with Ben. We only get those days to spend real time together because he commutes to work 45 minutes in each direction. I worked very hard and long to get to where I am... and I feel like I'm being punished.

I totally understand why she feels its unfair... but honestly she knew what the job entailed before she agreed to take it... so I didn't feel too bad. Not to mention that half the time I am carrying about 70% of the work load.

It's just so frustrating to me. So in the air of compromise I've tried to come up with a solution. She can have Fridays and Saturdays off and I take Sundays and Mondays. I think its fair... that way we both get what we want. I just wish she could be a better person and not be so ungrateful. But whatever.... I still get to work eight glorious days straight this week (today is day four).

The things I do in the name of friendship.

lesson learned

We were laying in bed... blissfully enjoying the silence and laying next to one another. Ben rolled over on this side facing me and started running his hands over my stomach. It wasn't a comforting rub.. more of a sexually charged rub. Every inch of my body began to tingle.

I touched his skin softly.. gently caressing the inside of his hips feeling his hardness grow against my leg. I love that build up... that feeling.

His hands roamed till they reached my nipple and tugged on them. A sigh escaped my lips. His grip grew harder and harder as the seconds ticked by almost to the point that I could no longer handle it. The pain was intense, yet I was basking in the pleasure of it.

Finally he released it leaving me panting. I reached for his cock and started stroking it feeling how thick and hard it was. His hips moved with the slow rhythm of my hand. I felt his hand leave my skin and grab my hand. He guided it to my pussy and told me to rub my clit. I, of course, did as I was told.

From there his hand moved up to my face using his fingers to feel every crevice of it. Slowly he draped his hands over my mouth and as he did this I sucked in some air knowing what was coming.

He clamped his hands over my mouth and nose and whispered to me to hold it. I calmed my body in hopes of holding my breath for a while but I wasn't ready for it yet. I started to squirm under his hand and pulled back gasping for air.

I still continued to rub my clit as told and recomposed myself. He again covered my face and told me to hold it longer. I did my best and held it a bit longer. Again, I freed myself and gasped for air. He did this several more times.... restricting my breath.

When he was done toying with me he laced his fingers through my hair and pulled me up some leaving his cock exposed to for my mouth. I readjusted my body... started rubbing my sopping wet pussy, and then took him into my mouth.

From here he took over rubbing my clit and started pounding my face. I was gagging and trying helplessly to breathe. I was fighting his hand to pull myself off.. half wanting to and half not.

Before I knew it... I was laying on my back with his forearm in my neck. I was honestly kind of shocked.

"Don't pull away from me. Are you going to be a good girl now?" he hissed in my face.

I nodded and said yes. He pulled me back up... and went back to his business of fucking. This time he payed extra attention to my clit till I could barely stand it... I was pulling away again... this time with my hips.

Again, I found myself on my back... his forearm more on my neck this time pressing down hard.

"I guess you didn't hear me. I told you not to pull away... do you need to be taught a lesson?" he asked.

I again nodded and said no.

He grabbed my hair and pulled me to him furiously rubbing my clit... I was in overload.. and pulled away again. This time, though... I was on my back but he was full on my throat cutting off my air.

"I guess you do need to be taught a lesson... you should be grinding your cunt on my hand not pulling away", and with that he turned me over and slammed his dick inside of me. He fucked me vigorously with no remorse... to be honest... I loved every minute of it. I could feel his palm digging into the small of my back and his other hand holding my hair using it like a rein.

Once he got his fill... he pulled out and slapped me on the ass as he grabbed my hair again. He climbed off the bed and had me lay on my back with my head hanging over the side of the bed. I open my mouth and he slides in all the way to the hilt.

He instructs me to rub my clit again... that he wants me to cum while I'm sucking his cock. I work my magic... making tiny circles with two fingers. I can feel the orgasm getting close.

"Don't you dare cum with out asking to do so... you better beg me to cum", he said.

Ben reached down and pinched a nipple... till it was finally too much to take. I moved my head and began to plead to be able to cum. I don't know how many times I asked... I came really close to pushing myself over the edge before he told me actually cum. But he finally said yes and the wave of my orgasm consumed my body.

He didn't give me any time to pull myself back together so to speak and was pulling me off the bed before I could even think. He bent me over and slammed his cock back into me. Like before he wasn't going easy on me and fucked me hard. It was only minutes before he was cumming in my pussy.

Ahh the joy of submission. :-)

wow.

Has it really been almost a month since my last post!? It sure doesn't seem like it. So much has been going on. May is such a busy month for my family with birthdays and get togethers. AND lets not forget about all the stress that was ever so apparent lately.

The good news is... its all over- for now. Onto busy times at work... and hopefully more peaceful, relaxing times at home. We shall see what June holds in store for us. We are working on planning our summer vacation... and its been a nightmare trying to really pin down something to do that pans out for us. I hope that soon this all works out... cause honestly, I need a vacation!

Anyway, onto other things. A couple of days ago I was IM'ing with an old, old friend from where I lived all my childhood. He and I know just about everything about each other. He came to me for advice about asking his now wife to marry him. I was honored.

So I would totally say I trust this guy... with secrets I have... or could I?

Back in the day when we met I was with my ex, but would have easily dumped him for Beau. I wouldn't have given it a second thought. This, however, did not happened and we remained friends that flirted. Nothing ever happened between the two of us.

Somehow we got onto the conversation where I told him that he probably couldn't handle me anymore. I am a million times more sexual than I was then. I have never told him about my thirst for BDSM.

For whatever reason, that day I thought it a good idea. I had put my foot in my mouth and there was no way he was going to let me off without telling him. It took a little- scratch that-a lot of courage but I finally spilled my guts.

I told him of my liking of being dominated... my love for all the stuff that the world deems kinky. He just said cool. I was kind of taken aback about it.. and questioned that answer. He said it was cool that I knew what I liked and that I lived what I wanted. I felt like I had made a good choice telling him. In the next few minutes that would change... drastically.

He asked me if we talked dirty and all... I said yes.. and mentioned my blog without actually giving him the link. I copy and pasted a tame part of one of my posts. He laughed and said, "what are you now? A romance writer?". I was so taken back by that comment. It cut deep and hurt very much.

This person I call my friend thought it was funny that I blogged about my life. I called him out on it... he said he didn't mean to hurt me.. it was not his intention, but nevertheless, I was still hurt. I just wanted to crawl under a rock.

It is hard for me to share this part of my life with people I am close to. Now it will be even harder now that I've open myself up only be hurt in the process. I realize this is the risk I take telling someone... many people don't understand why I would want to do this and so on.

I guess the real lesson I learned.. be my picky about who I share my deepest desires with- not everyone will accept you for who you are wholeheartedly.