sharing isn't always a good thing

I am so thankful that Ben does not want to have a threesome with me. I have had a few experiences that revolve around threesomes.. and some where good.. some were bad. I could not imagine seeing him with another woman... I would be insanely jealous... and even more so hurt. I know that some people can do this and not blink an eye at it... but not me.

When I was with my ex... very early on in our relationship.. like three or four months we had talked about it and eventually done it. It was with my best friend at the time. She and I had been friends for years... since we were in first grade. We grew up just down the road from each other... we had been through many good and bad times. Hell, she and I even had dated for several months when I was 18. This event proved to be the most taxing thing for our friendship and my relationship.

It was Memorial Day 2001. She had come over for swimming and bbq. I can't remember if this was what we had preplanned or not... but nevertheless, it happened. Come to think about it, I'm sure it wasn't planned because I was on my period.

Anyways... since I was with my monthly visitor... I didn't actually have sex, but there was a lot of touching and such going on. I don't remember a whole lot about it.. but what really stands out in my head was seeing her on top of him... seeing him fuck her. It was all too much to take... it upset me greatly. I know I had agreed to it... but it did not change the fact that it hurt me very much.

That one event really set the bar for the whole relationship. It lasted for almost five years.. and this one thing really caused 60% of our problems. He would later go on to cheat on me with her and in pregnant her only to miscarry. He kept this from me for years... and when I found out I was furious. I told him in order to make our relationship work.. he needed to quit talking to her. I, of course, cut her out of my life.

From there.. he just continued to lie to me and hide his friendship with her from me. Even to this day they are still friends.

One event in your life can teach you a valuable lesson. I learned that I cannot share... nor do I want to... nor should I have to. From that relationship I vowed never do this again... that if it was something they wanted... they would have to accept I wasn't willing or they would have to move on.

Lucky for me... Ben has no interest in it at all... thankfully. He feels the same way as I do... he would never want to share me with another... and this makes me very, very happy. Sometimes lessons are hard to learn.. but sooner or later.. you learn...