what a lucky girl I am

For the first time in my memory I feel like I have someone worthy of me. Not to say that people I dated before were worthless.... they just didn't live up to me in my head. I always felt superior to them and very much ran the show. There is such joy in knowing you have found your equal, your other half. I love knowing that I can walk next to Ben and know that he is my partner.... not my child.

I think I fell in love with Ben pretty much after we met. Being with him was like a drug.. and I was addicted. Spending time with him was a priority in my life and I took every opportunity to do so. I had dated so many (and fucked so many) people before him, but they always fell short. There was always something that wasn't quite right. They were nice guys.... but not what I needed completely. I made a promise to myself after my last long term relationship that I would never fall into the same patterns... that I would not settle for less than I wanted and deserved. I held to that.

I like several of the guys but I'd find something that I didn't like and that was that. I did enjoy it while it lasted and doing so I hurt some people. I never intended for that to happen, but I think that not everything is in my own control.

So anyways, along waltzed Ben... and he was it.. he was everything I had wanted... and I learned.... he was more than that. I never honestly believed that a person I had dreamed up in my head would actually exist and yet, there he was.

I never want to hurt him or ever stray from him. I would never take that kind of risk. And why would I? Why would I risk the most wonderful man for a quick thrill... for someone less than him? I wouldn't... because he gives me everything I need... he knows my heart and soul... he reads me like a book. Love is a precious thing and I feel that many people take it for granted and ruin it.

Being faithful can be work.... but doesn't that person deserve it.. aren't they worth it? I will admit I have cheated before. There are no excuses.. I did it. I had reasons and I felt justified in those reasons. It does not by any means make it right. It did, however, teach me valuable lessons about myself. It was red flags waving in my face trying to show me what was right there and yet I just looked the other way.

I'm not really sure where I was going with this blog..... maybe no where in particular... I just felt like writing something. So- forgive my rambling :-)