hormones=bad

I've put off blogging about this.... but the fact is... at some point... there may be a need to refer back to it. SO...might as well spill the dirty details and move forward.

Back in January, we had some birth control issues. Well it seems that we are right back where we were. At the beginning of this month... my IUD came out... once more. I decided I was over playing the IUD game.. as it seems my body doesn't like them anymore.. so I went for a new form of birth control.

I picked out the Nuvaring... as some of the other forms aren't my friend either. I was hoping this would be the end of my problems with anti baby making... I was wrong. A little over a week after starting it... shit kinda hit the fan. I was all sorts of fucked up... I was hormonal and crazy.. to say the least.

The mood swings I was having were out of control... I'd be a raging bitch one minute.. and a crying mess the next. The bad part for me is that I could see myself being irrational... but couldn't stop. I felt so terrible for Ben having to put up with me but he really was a trooper. He was so patient and good to me throughout the whole thing.

After about a week of this craziness... I really couldn't take it anymore... and took the damn thing out. That was on Saturday.. and I can feel the difference already. I'm not completely myself still but I'm a lot closer than I was. I cannot begin to describe how difficult it is.. to see yourself go through this. It's hard not to feel like yourself.

So we're back to square one. I'm so over birth control and don't understand why it's so hard not to have children. I officially hate hormones... and the crap it does to me. I've never in my life had such a hard time. This year has really sucked for that.

I'm off to the doctor today... see what to do now. Lets hope whatever I get does the trick.

HNT:clean

'nuff said.

daydream

We were laying on the bed.. all the wrong way. My legs were over the side with my back flat against the mattress. Ben was up next to me... laying there in a perfect little silence. Minutes passed before Ben said we should go get a shower.

He got up.... taking his shirt off. I watched him as he disappeared from the room. I heard him call for me.. asking if I was coming. I was.... just not that very second. I closed my eyes and imagined how I had wanted that moment to go...

On my back... my shirt rose a little.. leaving a little strip of skin exposed above my jeans. I could imagine his fingers tracing the waistline. I could imagine his hands working north... feeling my smooth skin under his fingertips. He would keep moving till he reached the bottom band of my bra slipping underneath.

He'd trace that band as well... inching up a tad.. to feel my nipple... all hard and ready to be teased. He's slip his whole hand inside... wrapping it around the full of my breast.. squeezing it gently much to my approval. Before leaving... he'd gently pinch the hardness.. exciting a moan from me.

He'd move south again... exploring a different route this time. This time when he reached my jeans, he'd unbutton them. Slowly unzipping them.. his fingers would move inside... grazing over the smooth lips of my pussy making my breathing grow more rapid.

He'd remove them... and use the other to pull my jeans down my legs. He'd inch up my legs to the inside of my thighs.. kissing gently. When he reached my pussy... he'd lick slowly... teasing my clit.. making my body writhe under his tongue. His hands would move back up... under my bra and pinch both of my nipples again.

And this is where my imagination stopped as the husband was calling for me again. I got up in my dreamy state and joined him in the shower.. leaving my thoughts in the bedroom.

Saturday night surrender

When it's been a while between our more aggressive sexual adventures.... it's funny the emotions I go through. It ranges from uneasiness (over reconditioning my mind and body to accept intense pain) to pure excitement. This was the case Saturday night.

I hadn't been sleeping well and so after the third night of this.. I decided it was time we rotated the mattress. Ben came into the room... I had already pulled the blanket, sheet, and pillows onto the floor. I was only wearing a thsirt... my ass barely peeking out. As I bent I felt his hand rub against my exposed skin. I let out a sigh... making sure he knew I liked it.

His fingers traced the line of my ass... giving way to the soft skin of my pussy. I gasped when I felt his fingers rub my clit somewhat roughly. He gave it a few strokes before moving his fingers back.. and plunging into me. I pushed back against his hand... and whimpered when they left after only a minute.

We went about turning the bed... and as we were putting the stuff back on... I was bent over the bed again fixing the covers. I didn't even notice him coming up behind me... and planting a firm smack on my ass. His hand hand up on my back... holding me down.... then applied several more swats to each cheek.

He let me up after... saying it was shower time. The shower was uneventful.... each of us showering in silence only glancing up at each other here and there exchanging a smile or a knowing look. When I finally exited.. I did my after shower routine... as Ben had already left the bathroom. I listened as I brushed my teeth... hearing the tell tale sounds of our toy drawer. I felt the fear somewhat grow in my stomach. It had been weeks since I had endured any sort of prolonged pain. I also felt the excitement of the impending treatment...

I couldn't draw it out anymore... and walked out of the bathroom only to be met by Ben.. holding two of my vibrators. He handed them to and told me to make sure they were clean (apparently they hadn't been used in a while...who knew that drawers got so dusty). As I washed them... he came in for a towel.

I followed him into the bedroom.. and this is where my memory gets hazy. Its funny how more intense something is.. the harder it is to remember.

I was pushed over the corner of the bed.... no warm ups... just powerful blows from the flogger... over and over. The first ones had no rhythm to them... so hard to stay focused and not cry out. Soon, though, his assault had a steadiness to it.. that allowed me to sink into a quiet enjoyment.

He wouldn't allow that for long... dragging me to my knees... slamming his cock down my throat. He fucked my face while he continued working on my back and ass. As he did so.... he told me that he wanted me to present parts of my body for him to whip... which made me shudder. There is something about choosing your fate so to speak that makes it all the more hard to endure.

He pulled away... and instructed me to go ahead and show him where to spank. I thought for a second... and turned... getting on my hands and knees. I arched my back and stuck my ass in the air. He did not hesitate.. and just as quickly as I had got into position... the first blow fell across my ass. Over and over the flogger falls made contact with my skin.. sometimes making me scream... other times making me moan.

Soon he was ready for a new target... and urged me to pick something else. I sat up a bit laying across the bed... pointing to my back. There was a confidence in that choice... as it's my favorite place to be flogged. He moved onto my newly selected spot. Strike after strike... I laid there enduring what he dished out.

After a bit.. I was told to pick a new spot. I pointed to the backs of my thighs this time. He only got a few hits in on this spot. One blow hit the side of my thigh... wrapping around... that brought forth such pain. I gasped... and screamed.. and felt my chest tighten trying to find air.... and the tears filling my eyes. I begged him to stop...

"Why?", he said... dripping with condescension.

"Because it hurts", I choked out.

"But it's supposed to hurt, isn't it? And you like it, don't you?", he was all smiles... I could tell without even looking.

"Yes", was all I could respond with... between deep breaths trying to keep from completely falling apart.

He knew I didn't want him to stop.. and pressed forward to picking another spot. For whatever crazy reason (maybe because I know how much he likes it), I picked my pussy. I rolled over.. spreading my legs for him. He offered up his cock to help distract me from the attack I was about to feel.

I took him deep into my mouth... and his soothing words rolled from his lips... asking if I was ready. And so... he began.... getting in a few good hits before I couldn't take more. The tears came back to my eyes. I could feel panic filling me... but he has a way of calming me... bringing me back to where he needs me to be.

Soon I was laying there.. legs spread... willing to accept more. He was going to give me one more.... one more good one. The fear grew in me.... waiting.. wondering when it'd come... my mouth full of his cock again. Then out of no where.. the last stinging blow hit my tender flesh. I pulled my legs up to me... laying in a ball. There was no stopping the tears this time.. as they streamed down my face.

He told me to breathe... to calm myself... as he moved around to the other side of the bed. He got me off the bed... I leaned in to suck his cock again... but was met with resistance. The wood handle of the flogger was at my throat.. causing me to struggle to reach even the tip. I struggled.. pushing harder.. digging the wood into my throat to finally reach my prize.

Satisfied with my struggle.... he removed the flogger. I moved my head up and down... fucking him with my mouth. Words flowed from his mouth as I did as I was expected.

"So I guess I should tell you what I have planned for you tonight. Those two vibrators you cleaned are going into your pussy.... and I'm going to fuck your ass. Like that idea?", he asked... as if he was talking about what he had for lunch.

I could feel the dread coming over me. I don't prefer being fucked in the ass when we play harder... my body isn't as relaxed as it needs to be to allow him to do so without hurting me. So.. yeah, I wasn't looking forward to it.

He pulled away from me... and told me to get onto the bed on my back. I did so...as hee pulled me to him... my legs spreading again. There wasn't pain.. but pure pleasure as he slid deep into my pussy.. filling me. I cooed.... enjoying the reward I had earned.

His arms wrapped around my thighs... fucking me... my fingers wandered down... and started rubbing my clit. My eyes shut and went with it... fully enjoying all the sensations that flowed through my body. This wouldn't be all I'd get though.... soon I found myself void of his cock.... and had my cunt filled with the first of two vibrators.

I took the first one with ease. One is no problem by any means. He fucked me vigorously with it.... making sure I was nice and wet (like that's any problem). He only stopped to slid the other in... stretching my pussy out. I felt so full.... words escape me in how to accurately describe it.

He pushed my knees up further.. getting better access to my ass. Normally I would put up some resistance... but honestly I was pretty far gone by then... so I laid there... letting him do whatever he wanted.

With one hand.. he held the vibrators in place.. and the other.. he squeezed a ton of lube into the slit of my ass. I heard him set the bottle down... then felt the tip of his cock press against me. I had very little fight in my body.. which was probably a good thing... and worked in my favor.

I felt him slip inside of me... pressing further and further... not giving me much time to adjust to the stretching of my ass. I reached down again... rubbing my clit.. trying to keep the focus on something more enjoyable. Finally when he was all the way in... he begin pumping in and out... more forceful than he'd normally be.

After a few more minutes of his cock and the vibrators fucking me... I asked him for more lube as my body was tensing and it was starting to hurt. He obliged me... then went back to the task at hand.. sliding back in and not giving any adjustment time.

By then I was so far gone... the sensations were overwhelming.. and I could feel myself deep in subspace.. where very little could touch me. I'm not even sure how much time passed.... or how many times my body trembled with orgasms. Though, at some point.. his seed spilled into my ass. When his orgasm subsided he pulled out... then pulled the vibrators out.

I pulled away... curling into a ball... as he slipped into bed up behind me enveloping me in his arms. This is when the whole experience washed over me.... and tears poured from my eyes.. like this wonderful release of anything bad that I felt. In that very second... I was wonderful... and felt just.. well good.

Moments like that are probably hard to describe or understand unless you've experienced them. I've had very few experiences like that... and I wouldn't trade them for the world.... they are simply amazing.

It took me almost a hour to full snap out of it... and be completely normal... but it was so totally worth it. It was good stuff indeed.

HNT: Laced

Theres something about a corset that makes me feel instantly sexy. Not that I don't a good portion of the time... but this is like... bam... I feel incredibly hot. I love the feel of the laces against my exposed skin... the way the string falls... and how I can feel it against my ass as I move. I love the curve of my waist it makes... and the smoothness of the bodice. How each little hook connects up a long line... giving way to cleavage. I feel sexy indeed.

a little bit of love leads to a whole lotta passion

We laid in bed.. talking... cuddling.. just being together. Ben was on his back... and I was propped up on my elbow. I looked down at him... and he has this particular look in his eyes.. one that is hard to describe. It was like... kindness... adoration.. love.. lust... all rolled into one. It was overwhelming... in this... oh my god, I love this man kinda way.

I leaned into him... gently rubbing my nose against his... sharing a moment that was just simple.. and pure. Seconds seemed like minutes... and time could have stood still. Before I knew it... out lips touched... the passion between us ignited.

What started out as something gentle... became intense want and lust. His knee came up between my legs... wedged up against my pussy. I put my hand to his neck... lightly placing it against his collar bone. His hands wandered... up and under my shirt. His fingers dug into my back... making every nerve ending in my body come alive.

We kissed intensely... almost like we couldn't get enough of one another. Soon he was pulling my shirt off.... and I laid back against him. I kissed him more... as he reached down and started stroking his cock. I love it when he does that... something about it makes me so freaking hot.

I finally couldn't take anymore... and climbed on top of him... rubbing against his cock through our shorts. We grinded against one another.... fueling the want and need we had to partake in. His fingers once again raked across my back... then down to the band of my shorts.

I rolled away... letting him pull down my shorts... then his own. I wasted no time.. and climbed back on top of him. I rubbed my clit against the tip of his cock... making me suck in air... enjoying the sensation.

Moving my hips up... Ben guided his cock into my soaking wet pussy. I took him deep inside.... feeling every inch of him. His hands where all over... digging into my thighs.. my back... my tits. It felt amazing... and before I knew it... I was rocked with an orgasm so intense that I squeezed his cock out of me.

I leaned in and kissed him again as I slid back down on him fucking him vigorously. His hips rose to meet my own.... with one purpose alone... to make him cum. I bounced up and down... sighing and moaning with each thrust. I could tell by the look on his face.. and the force in which his fingers were buried into my flesh that he was close.

With each assualt.. I could feel the muscles in my pussy tighten... and I imagine it was all too much to take anymore. Ben filled my cunt with his cum... and then we collapsed into a pile of flesh... holding each other in a quiet contentment.

baby steps

Ive become comfortable with the current track of my blog. Not because that's how I like it... but simply because that is how its morphed. I keep meaning to write something... and I wait for something blog worthy to come along... and before I know it.. it's Thursday again. Time to post another picture.. and put my mind back to thoughts of writing.

And that is where that thought ends... where it is left. Tucked away in the corners of my mind.

I'm not sure when I stopped mulling stuff around in my brain.. and when I stopped actually writing. I guess I could go back and look in my archives, but frankly, that seems a little depressing.

So there's the curser blinking in front of me once more... like so many times before... where I sat and stared at the empty screen. I sit and hope that something will come... if only I ponder long enough. I have two posts that are waiting to be finished.. things I've started that very unlikely to ever see the light of the internet.

Why you ask? Well... cause when something finally did come to me.... it took me some time to actually put it down. The words that actually came to me when I thought of them... somehow were blurred... it didn't have that finesse that it had when it first came to mind.

And so they will probably find themselves in a trash pile.. forever lost to that void. It's probably for the best... as I'll never be able to grasp the mood.. or feeling it was originally intended to be written in.

SO... this is my effort to put down something. Here it is.. in all its glory.. just simply cause I felt like writing. Which... I think, is putting the right foot forward to get back on track of writing. Here's to hoping!

HNT:feeling blue

HNT: Belated

I'm on vacation... better yet... WE'RE on vacation. It's already half over and I do NOT wanna go back to work. Vacation time is always good time... but this one... we stayed home for... and I have to say.. it's be really good.

There is a ease to my soul... a happiness that fills my eyes... If only everyday could be this relaxing.. this fulfilling.

And let's not forget about how lucky I've gotten all week. I think only one day has passed that I haven't had a little bit of extracurricular activity... which I will NEVER complain about.

Ahh yes.. if only everyday could be a vacation day....