sex rant

Yesterday I was reading over the AOL news... and I opened a story that lead me to another link. It was asking... how much sex is enough? I, of course, being the curious girl that I am... began reading. For me.. I really don't think there is a such thing as TOO much sex.. but that's just me. We all know how sex crazed I can be.

I read along.. this short snippet.. and came across this little jewel....

"Ugh too much sex is when I just want to watch MTV reruns after working all day and my boyfriend is hounding me to get into bed with him. But I guess I'd say enough sex is two times a week, if I'm feeling generous." -- Sam, 26

Ok... ahem... just how do I be nice about about this.. without seeming like a complete bitch.... okay.. there isn't a way....

IF I'M FEELING GENEROUS!?!? Are you freaking kidding me? I hate, hate women like this... that act as though they are doing their guy a favor. Please, by all means.. do him a REAL favor and LEAVE. Hopefully after that he will smarten up and find a real woman... that desires him.

I am just floored by this... I just cannot by any means figure out why anyone would feel this way. I mean, no, sex is not the only thing going on in a relationship.. but it is part of it... and if you think you're going out of your way by having sex with said boyfriend... perhaps... my dear.. you have a problem.

I know that there are women that don't care for sex. Something bad has happened to them or they just plain don't enjoy it. I really think that a person that doesn't enjoy sex.. ever... has some hold ups in their past... be it abuse... mental or physical. I am not trying to say I know every thing... and that allllll women can be fit into this... I know better than that. I'm just saying... sex is a wonderful thing... it is meant to be a good and fun thing... and to not enjoy it.. well... seems like a crime. It's certainly a shame.

I know personally that I love sex... especially sex with my husband. I could have sex everyday.. and still want more of him. It's how I am... I could not imagine feeling like he's lucky that I allowed him to have sex with me. Please... give me a break. Most of the time he is the one beating me off with a stick... (heh.. something I might like lol).

I dunno.. but this just made me see red... that poor boyfriend of hers... he's a sucker. Maybe I'm wrong here... but its how I feel... plain and simple.

the beginning

I never fall asleep easily if I have not had sex right before going to sleep. This is not something that has always been so, but more so since I met my husband. I feel we have an incredibly rich sex life and feel somewhat put out if we don't have sex everyday. I'm sure thats wrong of me on many levels, but I crave his touch so very much and so it's hard when I don't get it. My sexual appetite went through the roof after I left my ex... words cannot describe how much I truly think of sex. If that makes me a bad person, then so be it.

Perhaps, though, I'm getting ahead of myself. I have been contemplating starting my own blog for some time now. I think its an incredible amount of work- doesn't that sound lazy? I've always rather enjoyed writing.... was always told I was good at it. Maybe thats only after several drafts and reading it over and over till I got a draft that I was satisfied with. Needless to say, I suppose this is where I am to introduce myself and not jump head first in, huh?

Hello (lame attempt, I know). I'm going to throw out some made up name, just simply because I do not want to be known.. thats the wonderful part about the internet now isn't it? My name is Sierra. I have been married to my wonderful husband Ben for almost a year. Now then, now that we are all formally introduced... back to the show.

So I feel in order to fully disclose the most private of moments in my life... I must go back to when my relationship started... things moved rather quickly for us. Ben and I met on the internet through a chat room in May of 2006. It was quite by chance... but I like to think fate had a hand in it as well. It was a Washington chat room. I was bored and looking to pass the time.

He messaged me... and from the very first hello, we had a connection. We talked about all sorts of things... we sent music back and forth. Later I would fully appreciate how different our taste in music is... and how ironic that it's what essentially brought us together.

From that very first day, we were hooked. I felt like a junkie looking for my next fix. I found myself rushing home after work to see if he was on. There was just something about him... something that I had only saw in one other person, but that is another story. We would spend hours on the computer, caming together to the wee hours of the night... till we could no longer hold our eyes open. Pretty soon we started discussing talking on the phone. I so badly wanted to hear his voice in my ear. I wanted to feel a deeper connection that a computer could not give me anymore.

Finally we agreed to talk on the phone. I do not remember too much about that first phone, other than remembering how wonderful it was to speak with him... the way his voice made me melt. It was a couple days after that in which I received an email from him. I had got online, and he was there.. I said hello... he said he guessed I hadnt read my email and that I needed to. My heart sunk.

I went quickly to my email... where set an email with the subject "I have something I need to tell you.". I felt panicked.. not sure what to think or do... it had been so wonderful up until then. I opened it and began to read.

Dear Sierra,

This is something I should have told you from the start. But I didn't......

I am in a relationship with a person. I am not happy in this relationship, obviously, or I would not have been talking to other people. I offer no excuses for not telling you this and lying to you. There are no excuses, I was wrong. I am sorry. I know that I do not have the words to make this right. If by some grace of the gods you would still honor me with your conversation.....I would not deem myself worthy. I would give anything to be able to go back in time and never lie to you. I can't.....All I can say is that if by some chance you will talk to me again, I swear on everything I hold holy, that I will never lie to you again.

Ben

I had no idea what to say.... but I felt like a horrible person, only because none of this made a difference about how I felt about him. I still wanted and liked him. I forgave him... made him swear never to keep stuff from me again.. and from there.. we moved on.

He ended his relationship with this other person within the week of sending the email. It was important to him to show me that he was honest about how he felt and that I was the person he wanted. We still spent hours talking together... first online then we'd get on the phone. I'd lay in bed and wish he was next to me. We'd talk till we couldn't stay awake. His voice was the last one I heard every night... and that felt good.

I remember the the only time we ever had phone sex. It was shortly after breaking off his relationship... he had a bit to drink and had called. Being the sexual person I am, I had wanted to hear him at his most private of times... to know that he was getting off to my voice... I wanted to know he was laying there three hours away lusting for me... longing to touch me... knowing I in turn was touching myself... wishing it were him.

Finally it had came... and I felt nervous. I'm not sure how it progressed to it, but I remember being laid out on the bed... phone to my ear... hand wandering down my stomach... down to my soft lips. I remember sucking in a deep breath feeling my warm wetness. I felt as though I was going to explode with lust... and soon I would. The noises that came through the receiver.. the sounds of his pleasure... I was so into the moment... rubbing my clit... moaning softly.... aching for his touch. It didn't take long before his voice became heavy... I held off cumming, I was going to climax with him- I had waited too long for that moment to not do that.

It was a overwhelming night... the moments after I laid there in the drunkenness of passion... delirious with pleasure. Nothing else mattered then... but he and I... little did I know at that time this would be true for a long time after as well.

By the end of June we had decided it was time to meet in person. We planned for a Saturday afternoon... June 1st. He was going to come down and we had no plan of what to do. Crazy as it seems... I trusted him (yes.. crazy) and allowed him to come straight to my house. Something I would have never allowed anyone else to do. He got lost in coming to my house... which is funny cause it is so easy to get here.

When he arrived I was still getting ready. It was a hot July day... I was wearing black capris and green halter top. I met him at the back door and showed him in. He was shy.. which I found so endearing. I insisted on getting a hug which he of course obliged. I wrapped my arms around him... and felt... at ease. I pulled back some... with his arms still on my waist.... and I could see it in his eyes. He so badly wanted to kiss me. There is no mistaking that look. But being the gentleman he is... we didnt.

I threw out some ideas of what to do and he picked going to dinner then picking up some movies to come back and watch. We went to Applebees because I had been craving some strawberry lemonade. We sat and ate.. made chit chat like always. I fiddled with my keys that sat on the table and kept wishing he would just take my hand- he didn't.

We walked across the parking lot and grabbed three movies- The Hills Have Eyes, Saw II, and Ultraviolet- then headed back to my place. I shut off all the lights to try to keep the house cool... and to add that extra... mood. We sat right next to each other on the couch in the dark. I found it so hard to focus on the movies... I wanted him just to touch me. Not in a sexual way... just to hold my hand or touch my knee. I craved it so badly. Yet, this did not happen.

By the time we got to the third movie... it was around eleven. I was just ready to be done watching movies. But we put it in... and suffered through fifteen minutes till we couldn't take it any longer and shut it off. This is where it got ... a little awkward. I sat on the couch making more idle talk.. and then it grew silent.

We were facing each other.. I felt 15 years old again... my stomach in a flutter over the cute boy. He stared into my eyes... it felt as though he could see my soul. If I had been standing.. I would have been weak in the knees for sure. It seemed like we stayed this way forever.. sitting in silence.... wonderful silence. Then he he did it... he reached for my face.... and touched my cheek ever so gently. I sighed deeply and leaned into his hand. He had talked about this moment so many times.. and there it was happening. I could not have imagined it better... it was perfect.

He ran his fingers through my hair.. telling me how beautiful I was... and I totally melted in his hands... another sigh of happiness.. and perfection. I looked into his eyes.. and broke his gentlemanly ways... and said "you can kiss me, you know". And he did... and the Earth moved... it was by far the most amazing kiss I had ever had up until that moment.

Of course.... the gentle kissing turned into a heated passionate moment. Our hands were wandering... and I only urged him to keep going. Before I knew it.. his hand was up my shirt caressing my breast... I felt the wetness grow between my legs... a throbbing that had to be quenched. I could not contain myself... nor did I want to. I had never been much of a lady in that aspect. I like sex and am not going to deny myself the few simple pleasures in this life.

Soon clothes were flying off and I was leading him to my bed. We kept kissing... and touching... it was simply wonderful. His lips made their way down my body to my wet mound and dove in. I let out a moan of such ecstasy... egging him on... not to stop. But he did... kissing his way back up till he reached my lips again and kissed me deeply. I could feel his stiff cock against my tummy and all I wanted at that moment was to be filled to the brim with it.

He positioned himself directly on my clit and teased my body.... it was almost more than I could take. Finally he slid into my wet pussy... and I cannot describe how it felt.. I was so full.... my mind was blank... all it could focus on was him... and how wonderful he made me feel.. in every way.

When he finally cam, he collapsed into me. I rested my head against him... and felt... safe.. and alive... and fulfilled in a way I never thought possible. He pulled out ever so gently and laid next to me... pulling me into his arms and held me till we drifted off to sleep.

I admit that our meeting wasn't the way most people meet, however, I would not change it for the world. Writing about it brings back all the warm feelings I had. I feel an ache between my legs that longs to be taken care of. It seems like it was just yesterday this happened... and yet.. somehow... it only got better from there.